Pick Wayne’s Brain

May 26, 2008

Why Hillary Should Not Continue to Run

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 5:16 pm

As a New Yorker and constituent of Sen Clinton, I will accept, on her word, that even though she has once before specifically mentioned an “assassination” as a reason for staying in the race, that she was referencing the event in terms of the time frame alone, and not the horrific outcome (both for the Kennedys and for the nation, as Nixon went to win easily.) I do believe, also, that her “non-apology-apology” illuminated a dark side to her character that she would have preferred stayed hidden. As Gwen Ifill pointed out, the Clintons are wordsmiths (better than me), and even if she hadn’t planned ahead of time to say those exact words, the basis for those comments must have been lingering under the surface somewhere. That she would specifically mention the “assassination”, rather than simply the year, is quite telling. But that alone is not why she should drop out of the race now (or “suspend” it), and her reasons as stated in the NY Daily news column are wholly inadequate when measured against the facts.

In the first place, the entire nomination process in both 1968 and 1992 was vastly different than it is today. It is, in every aspect, an “apples and oranges” comparison. It should surprise no one that there have been years when the nomination wasn’t clinched until June (and Bill Clinton was the all-but-certain nominee well before June; he just officially went over the top then), because this is the first time the first primaries were held in January! If not for her insistence on staying in the race despite the impossibility of winning, this race would have been over long before this. Her argument along this line reminds of the global warming naysayers. Very few people disagree that we are experiencing climate change (of which global warming is one aspect), but the ones who do point to their own disagreement, rather than independent research, as evidence that “the issue isn’t decided yet.”

She says that she thinks she can still win “on the merits”. What, Senator, are those “merits” to which you refer? Your husband’s presidency? And your campaign has been marred by an ugliness that makes many of us progressives cringe when we think that it’s the Democratic Party’s nomination you want, not the Republican Party’s.

She says “the need for real leadership has never been greater - and I believe I can provide that leadership.” Well, many of us feel that Sen Obama can also provide that leadership. But having the ability to “provide leadership” is not enough, unless you are an authoritarian follower who believes in the follwing the person in charge no matter what. To me, that sounds like you are trying to appeal to the people who normally vote Republican. Leadership skills alone won’t help if you do not also provide a clear vision for people to follow. I believe that most Americans do not want to be led, they want to follow.

She goes on to say “I am not unaware of the challenges or the odds of my securing the nomination…”. By that I assume you mean that you understand that it is mathematically impossible for you to secure enough pledge delegates, and that your only chance to secure the nomination rests with Superdelegates ignoring the will of the people and voting for you. Are you aware, Senator, just how “un-Democratic” the entire purpose of process of Superdelegate voting is? I wouldn’t hang my hat on that option if I were you. It only supports the idea that you are the choice of elitists and not the people who signed up to vote as Democrats.

Continuing - “but this race remains extraordinarily close, and hundreds of thousands of people in upcoming primaries are still waiting to vote.” Again, more disingenuous nonsense. yes, the vote is close, but you are losing. And the people who haven’t voted yet (and who, in most years, would have been casting a vote in an already-decided contest), already unxderstand that their vote will not help you get enough delegates to win the nomination. You do understand, Senator, that it is delegatet count, not popular vote count, that determines the nomination?

“I am running because I believe staying in this race will help unite the Democratic Party. I believe that if Sen Obama and I both make our case - and all Democrats have the chance to make their voices heard - in the end, everyone will be more likely to rally around the nominee.” We might accept that, Senator, if you sounded like you were running against Sen McCain. But you are not. Sen Obama is, but you are still trying to tear Sen Obama down in the eyes of Democratic voters. How will that “unite” the party?

“I am running because my parents did not raise me to be a quitter - and too many people still come up to me at my events, grip my arm and urge me not to walk away before this contest is over.” That’s sweet, Senator, but it reminds of of a Monty Python sketch, “The Upper Class Twit of the Year”. One valiant contestant was having difficulty jumping over the three-inch row of matchbox cars but he kept trying. The announcer said of him, “He doesn’t know when he’s beaten. He doesn’t know when he’s winning, either. he has no sort of sensory apparatus whatsoever.” When you’re in a can’t-win-honestly situation like yours, the only reason to stay in is to make the other guy’s victory less enjoyable.

“More than 17 million Americans have voted for me in this race - the most in presidential primary history.” I believe you are counting the Florida votes (which you are not supposed to, by your own agreement) and the Michigan votes (which is completely dishonest as there were no other names for people to cast a vote for; that argument reminds me of Saddam Hussein’s “elections” in which the choices were “Saddam” or “Not Saddam”. You think you should count those votes?)

“I am running for all those women in their 90s who’ve told me they were born before women could vote, and they want to live to see a woman in the White House.” Okay, you’re running for the sake of about one percent of the population.

“I believe I won a 40-point victory two weeks ago in West Virginia and a 35-point victory in Kentucky this past week - despite voters being repeatedly told this race is over - because I’m standing up for them. I’m standing up for the deepest principles of our party and for an America that values the middle class and rewards hard work.” You won large victories in those states because of ignorant voters, Senators. You got the votes of hte people who still think that Sen Obama is a Muslim. (He’s not, but so what if he was? Either you are free to practice any religion you want to in this country or you are not. Anyone who thinks that no one should be allowed to be a Muslim is not a “real American”.) And how proud are you to get the votes of those people who would never have voted for Sen Obama just because he’s black? Besides, neither you nor Sen Obama is going to win West Virginia or Kentucky in the general election.

As I go through your explanations, Sen Clinton, I do not find any compelling arguments for you to stay in the race. Your best course of action right now, short iof suspending your campaign, is to campaign against Sen McCain, like any other Democrat would, and not against Sen Obama. Otherwise, anything you do that could harm Sen Obama’s chances in the general election would negate any reason you come up with to keep this thing going.

May 19, 2008

Joke Time: The Farmer’s Daughters

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:08 am

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first date came to the door and said, ”I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

“No,” the farmer said.

The second guy came to the door and said, ”I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?”

“No.”

The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer. ”Hello, my name is Chuck.”

The farmer shot Chuck.

May 18, 2008

Casa Blanco

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:17 pm

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Though I am heart, a rock and roll man, I have enjoyed a few famous country and western songs, and one of them has been Marty Robbins’ “El Paso.” It’s a nice little melody and I’ve always liked it. So, naturally, I decided to use it in a song parody. This one is, I have to say, pure fantasy. Unlike some of my other songs which are rooted in truth, this one is admittedly unfounded. It’s based on the rumors of an affair between President George Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. And of Bush’s documented inarticulation when trying to speak Spanish. (Yes, “Casa Blanca is the correct spelling, but do you think Bush would know that? Besides, I needed the “o” sound for some rhymes, so there!) I took the original ballad’s story and turned it into Bush’s frustration of being in love with two women, and not letting one of them find out. (Hint: one of them already knew about the wife.) And I have no idea in the world if George Bush ever owned a private plane. But I figured this nation’s tax dollars paid for his flight training, so he might as well get some use out of it. I happily confess that it is just totally silly, but I needed to get it out of my brain. Now it will be stuck in yours. No backsies! But please enjoy.


Casa Blanco
Original Words & Music “El Paso”, by Marty Robbins
New Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider ©2007

Out in the west Texas ranch Casa Blanco
I fell in love with an African girl.
August would find me in Crawford relaxing.
Aides would come in and Condeezza would whirl.

Blacker than night was the skin of Condeezza.
Wicked and evil, the kind I knew well.
My love was deep for this African doctor;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One day a PDB memo came in
Told me bin Laden would strike.
This wasn’t good news
Or something I could use.
This was in fact something
I did not like.

So in anger I

Told him his ass was now covered so leave here.
Down went his gaze toward the shoes that he wore.
My order was answered in less than a heartbeat.
The frightened young intern was way out the door.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence.
Shocked by the bountiful news I now bore.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was ignore.

Out to my back yard in Crawford I ran
Out where my Cessna was tied.
I bought a good one.
It looked like some good fun.
Up in the air
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas ranch Casa Blanco
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

In Casa Blanco my wife would go loco.
Marriage is gone and she just might have left.
It’s been so long since I’ve seen the young doctor
My love is stronger than by fear of death

I suited up and away I did go,
Flying alone in the dark
Maybe tomorrow
She’ll finally catch me.
Tonight’s nothing worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on approach to my own Casa Blanco;
I can see Crawford down left and below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Out of the plane to Condeezza I go.

Off to my right I see five Secret Service;
Off to my left stand a dozen or more.
Shouting and yelling I can’t let them catch me.
I have to make it to my own back door.

Some thing is dreadfully wrong for I hear
A deep burning scream from my side
Though I am trying
To find my young doctor
I’m getting nervous
Unable to hide

But my love for

Condeezza is strong and I rise to the challenge,
Though I am horny and might bust a nut.
I see the white ball of fist from my wife’s hand.
I feel the right hook go deep in my gut.

From out of nowhere Condeezza has found me,
Kissing my cheek like the day she was hired.
Caught between two loving women I’ll die for,
One little kiss and Condeezza, you’re fired.

May 16, 2008

Bush In a Bubble

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:38 pm

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What will it take for Congress to do something about Bush? The constant bald-faced lies, about, quite literally, everything. The constant effort on the part of his administration to frighten the citizens of this country (and elsewhere), to intimidate those who object to their policies, and to hunt down and destroy anyone who dares tell the truth about what is really going on behind the scenes. The constant destruction of our country’s good name overseas due to a foreign policy of “Do what we say, or else.” And the constant deterioriation of our Constitution, the very framework for what makes our country so great not only in the eyes of the rest of the world, but historically as well. But if you think the Constitution means nothing to Bush and Cheney, imagine how little it means to the members of Congress who raised their hands and took an oath to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. They’ve stood by and let him do it all with impunity. Not only have they not done anything, but, collectively, they haven’t even tried. Their excuse is that we didn’t send enough Democrats to Congress to impeach Bush and Cheney, so they didn’t bother to try. They say they want to use Republican corruption as a campaign issue in ‘08. This is a stupid and time-wasting ploy. They would have an even better campaign issue if they got every Republican in Congress to stand up say that what Bush and Cheney have done to our Constitution was far less of a threat than what Bill Clinton did. But no, they wouldn’t even try.
Here is a song called “Bush In a Bubble”, based on lead song of Paul Simon’s fantastic Graceland album, “The Boy in the Bubble”. I hope you enjoy it.

Bush In a Bubble
Based on “The Boy in the Bubble” by Paul Simon
Words by Paul Simon, Music by Paul Simon and Forere Motlobeloa
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

It was a slow day and the truth was fleeting
To reporters on the side of the show
There was a bright lie, a shattering of principles
The boss at the TV station was tired of talk radio

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

It was a lie, Friend, and it swept us through the desert
And unfurled into a circle of gloom
And the dead men falling by their children
The Sunni and the Shia and the systematic doom

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all, oh yeah
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

It’s a terrorist bomb plot, it’s everybody’s fears start,
It’s every dollar borrowed goes to zeroes up in Wal-Mart
Discipline is practical and practical is smart
But we got Bush in a bubble like a baby with a baboon heart

And I believe these are days of tasers in the suburbs,
Tasers in the suburbs somewhere
Official memos with useless information
A tax-free celebration of millionaires and billionaires, and Congress,

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all, oh yeah
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

May 12, 2008

Joke Time: Three Old Ladies

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about.”

Ruining America

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:03 am

Well, you know how I feel about “President” George Bush (spits on ground). As usual, a song came on the radio on the drive home, a line for a parody came to me, and the result is below. (Don’t worry. I waited until I got home to finish it. The second half, that is. The first part was done by the time I pulled into my driveway. Sorry.) It’s to the tune of Supertramp’s “Breakfast in America”, written by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson. I hope you enjoy it. (If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to dig up a great album and play it!)

As usual, thank you, Jane, for your always-appreciated help.

Ruining America (A Song Parody)
Original music and lyrics “Breakfast in America”
by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson, 1979
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Take a look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

Could we have charges by breakfast
Nancy dear, Nancy dear
We got to send him to Texas
He’s just another millionaire
Not a winner, just a sinner
Make him take a polygraph
He’s a loser, what a joker
He’s playing his jokes upon you
‘Cause he’s nothing better to do

Don’t you look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

May 8, 2008

Intel Paranoia

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 3:59 am

They made up reasons to start a war with Iraq, and there’s no reason to think they won’t try to do it again. Here, courtesy of The Eagles’ “Hotel California” is my take on it. I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and the performance is from a 1994 reunion concert. It’s a wonderful acoustic version, with a nice, deceptive intro. I think you’ll like it.



Intel Paranoia
Original Words & Music “Hotel California, The Eagles
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

In a dark secret basement, deep down in a lair
Firm sense of denial, rising up ev’rywhere
Up above on a big board, I saw a red flashing light
My heart grew heavy and my thoughts grew grim, I had to see who we’d fight
There he stood in the doorway, I heard the warning bell
And I was thinking to myself, “This could be Cheney and this would be hell”
Then he pulled out a binder and he showed me his plan
He was bracing for a foreign war to take out Iran

Welcome to the Intel Paranoia
Such a scary place, (such a scary place), such a scary place
Plenty of lies in the Intel Paranoia
Any type of fear, (any type of fear) you can find it here

His mind is ill-fully twisted; he’s got those scowls and those grins
He’s got a lot of pretty wealthy boys he calls friends
How they planned for the desert, sweet Persian crude
Some planned for revolting, some planned for a coup
Someone called out to Cheney, “Please take out his life”
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969”
And still those rumors are coming from far away
Write them up in the middle of the night, then you’ll hear them say,

Welcome to the Intel Paranoia
Such a scary place, (such a scary place), such a scary place
Making it up in the Intel Paranoia
Don’t you be surprised, (don’t you be surprised) it’s a pack of lies

“People caught in battle, in this campaign we fight”
And he said, “They will all be prisoners here, and they’ll have no rights”
In the bastard’s chambers, they gathered there to meet,
They slap it with their seedy lies but they just can’t see defeat
Last thing I remember I was running for the door
I had to warn the public fast he was taking us to war
“Relax,” said the generals, “We are brought in to deceive.
You can tell them anything you like, but they will not believe.”

The Panderer

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:37 am

This could apply to almost any politician running for office, but I’m sure that some of you out there will see one of the current presidential candidates in it. John McCain being the most obvious, of course. (What do you expect? I’m a Liberal!) It’s to the tune of the famous Dion classic, “The Wanderer”. I hope you enjoy it. I want to thank my wife, Jane, for her help with some of the words. And I want to thank my friend and fellow Critter, Nwmuse, of The Zoo, for the suggestion.

By the way, I don’t know who came up with the idea for the video, but it sort of connects.



The Panderer
Original Words and Music by Ernest Peter Maresca, 1961
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Oh, well mine’s the type of lie that will make you settle down
Where voting people are, well you know that I’m around
I need ‘em so I feed ‘em cause to me it’s all a game
I huck ‘em and I jive ‘em, I don’t even know their names
They call me the Panderer - yeah - the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh well there’s Libs on my left side and there’s Conserves on my right
Dishonesty’s the girl, that I’ll be with tonight
And when they ask me which lie I loved the best
I tear open my coat and show a Flag Pin on my chest
‘Cause I’m the Panderer - yeah the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh, well I roam from town to town
Make a promise without a care
And I pander like a clown
With my two-fisted lies so old and thread-bare

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
Yeah, I’m the Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
Let me go

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer….

May 5, 2008

Joke Time: Kittens

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, “What’s in the basket?”

She replies, “New baby kittens,” and she opens the basket to show him.

“How nice,” says Bush. “What kind are they?”

The little girl says, “Republicans.”

Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket.

Bush says, “Watch this, Karl — it’s really cute.”

They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, “Fine.” Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, “And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?”

She replies, “Democrats.”

Aghast, Bush says, “But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!”

“I know,” she says. “But now their eyes are open.”

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