Pick Wayne's Brain

April 28, 2008

Joke Time: Sunday Morning Sex

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 AM
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”


  1. This reminds me of the punchline about “hall sex.” Sadly, I don’t remember the joke.

    There are several different places for sex described, and “hall sex” is when you pass each other in the hall, and say “fuck you.”

    Sorry about the naughty words.

    Well, not really, but I should be sorry. πŸ˜‰

    Comment by Zooey — May 1, 2008 @ 1:02 AM

  2. Zooey,

    If I wanted to run a profanity-free blog, I wouldn’t allow myself to post. I can be a real fucking bastard about those kinds of things.

    You’re free to use whatever words you wish to use on my blog. I do not believe there is such a thing as a “dirty word”. The only thing “dirty” about any word, is what the listener thinks about it. Even if the word is “fucking”. Woody Allen once said that sex was only dirty if it was done right. And he and his once-teenage lover would know.

    If you were watching one of those ’60s or ’70s WWII movies (and I know you’re a HUGE fan of those πŸ˜‰ ), you might have caught a German soldier saying (forgive the misspelling), “Scheiza.” Now, the censors would almost certainly have let that go because they don’t know what he said. But what he said was (and the word I meant to write for those who can read German), “Shit,” which they would never allow to go through in English. Captain Jean-Luc Picard once stood on the bridge of the USS Enterprise and said, “Merde.” They still let it go through in repeats. Same word, “Shit.” (He only did it the one time.) Why is “Shit” banned in English but not in another language? And when they play some footage of an Arab speaking in Arabic, what is he really saying? Is he using any kind of profanity which they are simply omitting from his comments? “Your…President…George Bush has no…respect for our mother…country.”

    Apparently, if you don’t hear the word “Shit”, you don’t think the word “Shit.” And as long as the audience isn’t thinking about shit, then it’s okay. Oh, and huge throbbing penises. They can’t be thinking of that, either. Or vaginas. Oh, you gotta keep ’em away from the vaginas.

    Because as Nature has proven time and again, when the audience starts thinking about huge throbbing penises and vaginas, they cease being in the audience of that program. πŸ˜‰

    And that’s why they censor sex.

    I’m sorry, what was the question? I was getting distracted by…something.

    Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — May 1, 2008 @ 9:28 PM

  3. No idea, Wayne….

    I’m thinking about huge throbbing penises and vaginas. πŸ˜‰

    About “shit” in other languages, you know they think we’re stupid. What other reason would they have for their programming?

    Comment by Zooey — May 1, 2008 @ 9:46 PM

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