Pick Wayne's Brain

July 31, 2009


This song was originally posted on 01/14/07

It appears that the president may have already implemented his bold plan to do whatever it is he thinks he’s accomplishing in the Middle East. The fact that the only people supporting him (besides his wife and his dog, and no one has checked with them lately) are the people he hasn’t fired for disagreeing with him. True, the generals had been asking for more troops, but that was back when they thought it would do some good. They don’t think it will now. We have to stop this president, some how (legally). One thing that’s legal is folk protest songs. Here is “Escalation”, based on the Beatles song “Revolution”. I hope you enjoy it. And, to the best of my knowledge, the president has never used those strange words you’ll see below. I just thought they sounded like the kind of thing he would say, so I included them. You have to admit, you probably wouldn’t be surprised if you heard he really said them, would you?

UPDATE: The escalation of troops in Iraq that has commonly been called “The Surge” did not, as has been commonly thought, “work”.

Original words and music “Revolution” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, 1968
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

You say you want an escalation, well, you know,
You can’t go and change the world.
You tell us it’s an augmentation, well, you know,
You can’t just go and change the words.

July 30, 2009

Writless Wonderland

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 12/18/06

Well, the Military Commissions Act of 2006 has inspired me to write this song parody about it and the removal of habeas corpus protections. It’s to the tune of the well-known song “Winter Wonderland”. Enjoy, and don’t be afraid to go around singing this version instead of the more popular one.

Writless Wonderland
Original words and music “Winter Wonderland” by Dick Smith and Felix Bernard, 1934
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2006

With this bill that I’m signing
I will now be defining
The times I say, “No.
To court you can’t go.”
Welcome to our writless wonderland.

Gone away is the old right.
Here to stay is a new fight.

July 29, 2009

You Didn’t Have To Be So Mean

This song was originally posted 10/28/06

Well, call it a Freudian slip, call it what you will, but it sure sounded like Vice President Dick Cheney (who once downed a beer, shot his friend, and blew off the cops all in one day) said we’re using torture on the detainees. No, he didn’t come out and say it. He may have accidentally alluded to it. But at this point, what’s the use of constantly beating up on the prisoners? Is it going to get you any current information seeing as we’ve had many of them in custody for a few years now? So I started wondering, what must life be like for those guys in Guantanamo Bay (not necessarily the ones that had been “renditioned” to other countries before)? Well, let’s see if The Lovin’ Spoonful’s hit song “You Didn’t Have To Be So Nice” can tell us.

You Didn’t Have To Be So Mean
Original words and music “You Didn’t Have To Be So Nice” by John Sebastian and Steve Boone, 1965
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2006

You didn’t have to be so mean
I would have told you anyway
If you had known who I had been
I might not still be here today

They said the time was right for me to talk to you


Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 7:43 PM

For the next couple of weeks or so, I will be posting the rest of my song parodies, most of which were originally posted on my first blog. (They are no longer there.) I will post one every day until they are all posted. I invite your comments and criticisms, and I thank you for reading my song parodies. I hope you enjoy them.

July 27, 2009

Good News Olbermann

Now we find out that Dick Cheney was fighting hard to have the military go into an American city (in this case, Buffalo, NY) and arrest the group later known as the Lackawanna Six. Luckily for us he lost that fight. But one question remains: Why is Dick Cheney still walking free?

Good News Olbermann
Original words and music “Sunshine Superman” by Donovan
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Good news came slowly a-through my
a-inbox today
Could’ve skipped it easy a-but it
It changed my day
It’s a big crime, I know it
but in a while
You’re gonna do time, I know it,
Despite your denial

‘Cause I made my mind up you’re going to do time
I’ll tell you right now

July 26, 2009

I Feel Quitty

Sarah Palin leaves her job as Governor of Alaska today. Just up and quit on everyone. Yet, somehow, she’s still seen as the future of the Republican Party. (And a big Thank You to my good friend Zooey at TheZoo for the suggestion.)


I Feel Quitty
Original song, “I Feel Pretty”, Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty,
I feel quitty, and flitty and gay,
But no pity
I’m a girl who’s unemployed today.

I feel smarmy,
Oh, so smarmy–
It’s alarm-y how smarmy I feel,

July 25, 2009

Silly Petty Man

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:11 PM

And now, another song about Bill O’Reilly, who really is a silly, petty man.

Silly Petty Man
Words and music “Solitary Man” by Neil Diamond, 1966 Tallyrand Music, Inc. (ASCAP)
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Andrea was fine
‘Til the time
That I phoned her
Talking porn,
What was worn

Then Keith came along,
Said I’m wrong,
That’s what he thought
Keith and you,
But he lied, too

Don’t know if I’ll kill,

Lying Man

I decided to move all my old song parodies from my original blog to this one. (Don’t bother going there to look, most of them are not visible now.) This was the very first one I posted. Since I also have a new Bill O’Reilly parody which will post a few minutes after I post this, I thought I’d post them together.

I dislike Bill O’Reilly a lot. I mean a whole lot. I believe the psychiatric measure of my dislike for him would be classified as “shitloads.” Why? Because he’s a liar. Plain and simple. He’s a liar, and not only is he a liar, he lies about his lying. I’m not the only one who feels that way. There are other websites devoted to a hatred of him and others devoted to pointing out all his lies. So it’s not just me. Instead, I show my dislike of him with this song parody, based on the song “Piano Man”, original words and music by Billy Joel. I hope you enjoy it.

UPDATE: I have a confession to make. There’s a line I wrote way back when that I was never really satisfied with. So I’ve finally decided to change it. Actually it’s just three little words, but it takes away a slight innacuracy that, for me, made the whole thing just a little less truthful than it otherwise would be. I have decided to change “best-selling novelist” to “real insane columnist”. Obviously, the line was referring to “Ann” who, if you’re trying to equate this to real life, was never really a novelist at all, but a columnist. And a crazy one at that. So, I hope that you’ll agree that this minor change, at the very least, does not take away from the song as a the whole, and maybe, just a little, makes it better. Thank you for your understanding, and please continue to enjoy “Lying Man”.

“Lying Man”
Original words and music “Piano man” by Billy Joel
New lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2006

It’s eight o’clock on a weekday
The regular viewers tune in
There’s a young man sitting next to me
Saying, “No war in Afghanistan.”

He said, “My father died nine-eleven,
But I don’t think that’s reason for war.
Yes, I’d rather have peace so let’s let the police
Be the ones who will settle the score.”


Spin us a lie, you’re the Lying Man
Spin us a lie tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for mendacity
And we know you work for the right

Now Paul at the Times is no friend of mine

July 6, 2009


Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:48 PM

You know, if Rep Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota would stop saying crazy things (like encouraging people not to fill our their census forms, which is a crime), then I wouldn’t have to keep writing song parodies about her.

[Sorry, I couldn’t find a decent video of the song.]

Shelly, Shelly’s cra-yay-zy
Shelly, Shelly’s cra-yay-zy

She – e – e-e-e-e-lly’s cra-yay-zy
She – e – lly, won’t you shut up tonight
She – e – e-e-e-e-lly’s cra-yay-zy
She – e – lly, won’t you shut up tonight

(Why don’t you shut up) ‘Bout your tea party

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