Pick Wayne's Brain

July 25, 2009

Lying Man

I decided to move all my old song parodies from my original blog to this one. (Don’t bother going there to look, most of them are not visible now.) This was the very first one I posted. Since I also have a new Bill O’Reilly parody which will post a few minutes after I post this, I thought I’d post them together.

I dislike Bill O’Reilly a lot. I mean a whole lot. I believe the psychiatric measure of my dislike for him would be classified as “shitloads.” Why? Because he’s a liar. Plain and simple. He’s a liar, and not only is he a liar, he lies about his lying. I’m not the only one who feels that way. There are other websites devoted to a hatred of him and others devoted to pointing out all his lies. So it’s not just me. Instead, I show my dislike of him with this song parody, based on the song “Piano Man”, original words and music by Billy Joel. I hope you enjoy it.

UPDATE: I have a confession to make. There’s a line I wrote way back when that I was never really satisfied with. So I’ve finally decided to change it. Actually it’s just three little words, but it takes away a slight innacuracy that, for me, made the whole thing just a little less truthful than it otherwise would be. I have decided to change “best-selling novelist” to “real insane columnist”. Obviously, the line was referring to “Ann” who, if you’re trying to equate this to real life, was never really a novelist at all, but a columnist. And a crazy one at that. So, I hope that you’ll agree that this minor change, at the very least, does not take away from the song as a the whole, and maybe, just a little, makes it better. Thank you for your understanding, and please continue to enjoy “Lying Man”.

“Lying Man”
Original words and music “Piano man” by Billy Joel
New lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2006

It’s eight o’clock on a weekday
The regular viewers tune in
There’s a young man sitting next to me
Saying, “No war in Afghanistan.”

He said, “My father died nine-eleven,
But I don’t think that’s reason for war.
Yes, I’d rather have peace so let’s let the police
Be the ones who will settle the score.”

La-la-da-dee-dee-da
La-la-dee-dee-da-da-dumb

Spin us a lie, you’re the Lying Man
Spin us a lie tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for mendacity
And we know you work for the right

Now Paul at the Times is no friend of mine
He says that my show is fact-free
So I challenged the guy to look me in the eye
And say I don’t know reality

He said, “Bill I believe that you’re killing me
With your lies that you spread ‘round the place
When I think that I could watch Keith Olbermann
If you would get out of my face”

Oh-la-dee-da-dee-dee-da
La-la-dee-dee-da-da-dumb

Now Ann is a real insane columnist
Who never had time to play wife
And it’s okay to say she’s gone totally crazy
And probably will be for life

And it’s fun sitting here talking politics
As the liberals slowly get stoned
Yes I’m sharing a head void of truthfulness
But it’s better than lying alone

Spin us a lie, you’re the Lying Man
Spin us a lie tonight
Say the Malmedy Massacre was our fault
Insist that you got that one right

It’s a pretty good show for an idiot
And Roger Ailes gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that’s it’s me that they tune in to see
To forget about truth for a while

In the studio my guests can be rude to me
As my microphone talks in their ear
But they come on my show and tell me where to go
And say, “Man, what am I doing here?”

Oh-la-dee-da-dee-dee-da
La-la-dee-dee-da-da-dumb

Spin us a lie, you’re the Lying Man
Spin us a lie tonight
Say the Liberals declared war on Christmas
But you’re gonna show them the light

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1 Comment

  1. Thanks for the recycle Wayne. I’ve always thought O’Reilly was a lying sack of sh*t too.

    Comment by Rob — July 25, 2009 @ 11:27 PM


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