Pick Wayne's Brain

July 26, 2009

I Feel Quitty

Sarah Palin leaves her job as Governor of Alaska today. Just up and quit on everyone. Yet, somehow, she’s still seen as the future of the Republican Party. (And a big Thank You to my good friend Zooey at TheZoo for the suggestion.)

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7PIyIcCro]

I Feel Quitty
Original song, “I Feel Pretty”, Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

SARAH
I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty,
I feel quitty, and flitty and gay,
But no pity
I’m a girl who’s unemployed today.

I feel smarmy,
Oh, so smarmy–
It’s alarm-y how smarmy I feel,
And so quitty
That you hardly can believe I’m real.

See the quitty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that distracted girl be?
Such a gritty face,
Such a knitty dress,
Such a kitty smile,
Such a quitty me!

I’m still living
And I’m walking —
Feel like giving a talking aloud,
And I’m loved
By a pretty dubious crowd!

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
Have you seen the Queen of Wasilla,
The laziest girl that you’ve met?
You’ll know she’s not such a thriller–
She’s the one who is in an advanced state of debt.

She thinks she’s so loved.
She thinks she’s a brain.
She isn’t that loved,
She’s merely insane.

It must be the press
Or some lack of ease
Or too much of stress,
Or maybe it’s sleaze.

Keep away from her — Look for scheming!
This is just the Sarah that’s dreaming!

Unfazed and inured,
So dense and so blind
Spellbound and unsure
And out of her mind!

SARAH
I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty
That the city should look into me.
A committee
Should be organized to question me.

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
La-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la

SARAH
I feel lucky
I feel ducky,
I feel plucky and mucky with slime,
And so quitty,
In America you just resign!

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
La-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la

SARAH
See the quitty girl in that mirror there:

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
What mirror where?

SARAH
Who can that distracted girl be?

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
Which? What? Where? Whom?

SARAH
Such a gritty face,
Such a knitty dress,
Such a kitty smile,
Such a quitty me!

ALL
I’m still living
And I’m walking —
Feel like giving a talking aloud,
And I’m loved
By a pretty dubious crowd!

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7 Comments

  1. Wow Wayne! That’s fantastic! You have GOT to find someone to record these songs for you.

    Far superior to anything out there now!

    I was hoping you’d work sh*tty or titty into the lyrics somehow, but then I’m juvenile!

    (ha ha, she wrote titty… tehe!)

    Comment by Spencer's mom — July 26, 2009 @ 5:30 PM

  2. Hey, what happened to my comment? I didn’t write a bad word…

    Comment by Spencer's mom — July 26, 2009 @ 5:31 PM

  3. I got the comments rescued for you.

    I will be honest. I wrote up a list of words that rhyme with pretty, and both “shitty” and “titty” were on the list. But I also decided they would be a last resort if I couldn’t come up with something else. As it turned out, I was able to avoid having to go there. 🙂

    And thank you.

    Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — July 26, 2009 @ 7:14 PM

  4. “I feel shitty” is more apropos for a colonoscopy.

    Comment by Briseadh na Faire — July 26, 2009 @ 8:22 PM

  5. This is really good. Wayne, you have talent. Where’s the YouTube performance?

    Comment by Cats r Flyfishn — July 26, 2009 @ 9:40 PM

  6. Great job, Wayne

    Comment by medjhiesco — July 27, 2009 @ 2:10 PM

  7. Hee hee, I remember suggesting this now. Thanks for the refresher, Wayne.

    You had way too much fun writing this one! I love it. 😀

    Comment by Zooey — July 3, 2010 @ 10:24 AM


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