Pick Wayne's Brain

August 30, 2009

Give Us Single Payer

Give Us Single Payer
Original words and music “Living on a Prayer” by Jon Bon Jovi,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Once upon a time not so long ago:

Tommy loves his work as a doc.
Patients have all griped,
Insurance is not enough.
It’s tough.


August 20, 2009

Too Many Sheeple

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:05 PM

Too Many Sheeple
Original words and music “Too Many People” by Paul McCartney, 1971
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Too many sheeple tuning into Fox
Too many teaching that a Peace can wait
Too many sheeple fooled into a box
Too many waiting for that Judgment Day

That was your first mistake
You took a lie they made and spoke it as true

August 14, 2009


Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

Conservatives. What are you gonna do? You can’t reason with them, and you can’t take away their guns and shoot them with them. Not that I would want to. Shoot them with them. But you can’t reason with them. They just don’t operate from the same set of facts that we do. We liberals tend to believe that something is true because it can be proven to be true. But listening to today’s conservatives (of all stripes), it’s as if they believe something is true because enough people believe it to be true, regardless of whether or not it actually is true. And it is from this point of view that they debate things. Not from facts, but from beliefs. And it simply does not matter to them if whatever they believe is not actually true, as long as it supports the rest of their argument, they believe that their argument has merit. I admit that you can sometimes give them credit for following a proper chain of logic based on the propositions they put forth, but even then they sometimes veer from the strict discipline of logic and try to use their conclusion as their proof. But since their propositions are often wrong from the start, it makes no difference how reasonable they sound, they’re still wrong! (Or, if they’re right, it’s for the wrong reasons.) And so I wrote this song to them. I hope you like it.

Original words and music “Conquistador” by Procol Harum, 1967
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Conservative, your argument’s in need of scrutiny
And with some devil’s talking points you speak of certainty
I see your litmus paper test
Has long since come to mean

August 13, 2009

The Sex I’ve had

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

I certainly hope you didn’t think I was going to talk about my sex life, because that story could fill an index card using block lettering. Not much there. But there is someone whose sex life we can make fun of, and that’s my soon-to-be-former Governor Eliot “Ness” Spitzer. You might have heard he got himself into a little bit of trouble playing with the ladies, if you know what I mean. Expensive ones, too! If it turns out that if any state money was used, which do you think each New Yorker should get? A tax refund equal to their share of the amount misused, or an equivalent amount of time, at normal tax-paying-Joe rates, with the prostitute? That might be a tough choice for some. But I’m sure my lovely wife, Jane, with whom I have been living for twenty years this month since I got out of the Air Force, will give me proper guidance as to which answer I am allowed to choose. Aren’t you, Honey?

Anyway, here’s a silly thing I wrote about our Dear Governor’s little sexual problem. It’s to the tune of The Band’s “The Shape I’m In”, written by J.R. Robertson, © 1970 Canaan Music, Inc.

The Sex I’ve Had
Original words and music “The Shape I’m In” by J.R. Robertson, © 1970 Canaan Music, Inc.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, © 2008

Go out wander, sex in the motel
Come downtown, have to tumble in a hotel
Oh, you don’t know the sex I’ve had

Has anybody seen my lady
If she finds out, it’ll drive her crazy
Oh, she don’t know the sex I’ve had

I’m gonna go down to the District

August 12, 2009

Ruining America

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

Well, you know how I feel about “President” George Bush (spits on ground). As usual, a song came on the radio on the drive home, a line for a parody came to me, and the result is below. (Don’t worry. I waited until I got home to finish it. The second half, that is. The first part was done by the time I pulled into my driveway. Sorry.) It’s to the tune of Supertramp’s “Breakfast in America”, written by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson. I hope you enjoy it. (If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to dig up a great album and play it!)

As usual, and I’m sorry I forgot to mention it sooner, thank you, Jane, for your always-appreciated help.

Ruining America (A Song Parody)
Original music and lyrics “Breakfast in America” by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson, 1979
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Take a look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

Could we have charges by breakfast

August 11, 2009

That’s The Way We Always Heard It Should Be

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 1/12/08

As if this surprises anyone, yet another song about the need for impeaching President Bush and Vice President Cheney. This is based on Carly Simon’s “That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be”. I hope you enjoy it.

That’s The Way We’ve Always Heard It Should Be
Original words and music, “That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be”, Carly Simon
Additional lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

The Chairman holds it back with no votes on
The resolution’s in the dark
We call his office, still
No reply, no remark
We e-mail to the Speaker’s Chambers where
The Speaker reads them, so it seems.
She says, “Not in your dreams.”
But she forgets we can dream.

But you say it’s time we move to impeachment
And raise the remedy that we have, you and me.
Now that’s the way we’ve always heard it should be,
We want impeachment. Impeach them.

That friend of Cheney has been pardoned now.
He keeps his houses and his lawns.

August 10, 2009

Stand With Me

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 01/10/08

As regular readers of my blog know (sorry I’ve been away so long), I have been imploring my Congressman John Hall (NY-19) to do everything he can to help bring about the impeachment of Vice President Dick Cheney. It’s not hard to see why that needs to be. Rep Dennis Kucinich introduced a privileged resolution to impeach the Vice President, and rather than face the truth and admit that the man needs to go as soon as possible (if for no other reason than that he can no longer be an irregular heartbeat away from the presidency), the House of Representatives voted to put it on the back burner with the heat kept low so it won’t simmer too quickly. Mr. Hall was among those who voted to do this. I would have preferred that he support Mr. Kucinich and move to get rid the Executive Branch of our government of Evil, but he didn’t, and now Evil still lurks in Washington. (Speaking of which, Cheney hasn’t been in the news much lately. Is that a good thing? Does that mean he’s managed to duck the media? Will he continue to do his evil behind closed doors, where only the occasional spider bears witness? I don’t know and I don’t want to find out the hard way.)

Here now, is another attempt to get the attention of my congressman and ask him to do whatever it takes to remove Mr. Cheney from office before more people die pursuing his feckless dreams. It is based on the hit song “Dance With Me” written by John and Johanna Hall, and performed by Orleans. I had the honor of hearing Mr. Hall perform this song solo at SUNY New Paltz at a pre-No Nukes Rally at Battery Park meeting. I was thrilled because I liked the song and it was among the first few times I ever watched an artist in person perform a song I had heard on the radio. I’ve always thought back on that experience fondly. I also enjoyed the other guest speakers that day and, while I do remember quite clearly who they were, I will not name them. (It might distract from the issue at hand.) Please enjoy the song, and feel free to sing the song quietly to yourself at work. Especially if you work in Washington, DC.

Stand With Me
Original words and music “Dance With Me” by John and Johanna Hall
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Stand with me
We need to stick together
Can’t you see?
The question is now whether
Rights are falling
So I am calling
Stand with me

Can never be forgiven
We’re not free
The way that we are living

August 9, 2009

Silence Has Told Them

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 12/16/07

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has kept impeachment “off the table” for too long, and she has met the nation’s cries to impeach the Vice President (and, later, the President) with silence. This silence has spoken volumes to Bush and Cheney, the “them” of the following song parody. It’s yet another message to Speaker Nancy Pelosi, “Impeach them or else”. Enjoy.

Silence Has Told Them
Original words and music “Silence is Golden” Bob Crewe
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider copyright 2007

Oh, how it hurts deep inside
To see Nancy do nothing to them
Oh, don’t it pain to see someone lie
Oh, especially when someone is them

Silence has told them
They will both go free
Silence has told them, told them
They will both go free

Talking is cheap, when it comes from these creeps
Even though they both act like they know

August 8, 2009

Senate Queen

This song was originally posted on 12/07/07

An ode to Senator Larry Craig (R-ID).

Senate Queen
Original words and music, “Killer Queen”, by Freddie Mercury
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

He keeps roaming the bath stalls
In his favored habitat
‘Let me have men’, he says
Just like Marie Antoinette

A built-in sympathy
For closets and secrecy
At anytime an invitation
He can’t decline

D.C. bars for gentlemen
Well-versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

He’s a Senate Queen
Goes prowlin’ toilet scenes

August 7, 2009

Story of Your Lies

This song was originally posted on 10/27/07

Vice President Dick Cheney scares me. He scares me more than George Bush, his Co-President. Cheney has been on a personal mission for more than thirty years to expand the powers of the Office of the President. I’ve written about that elsewhere. Now he is trying to ramp up the rhetoric to drive this country, against our collective will, into a war with Iran. Make no mistake about it. He is trying to make this happen, and his reasons have nothing to do with the best interests of this country. So I wrote this parody of The Moody Blues’ “Story In Your Eyes”, by Justin Hayward. I hope you enjoy it. If you have the original handy, put it on while you read this. It’s an extra bonus for you either way.

Story Of Your Lies
Original words and music, “Story In Your Eyes”, Justin Hayward
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve been thinking ’bout Dick Cheney
And I decided that he really is to blame
For the death he’s brought upon the world
All in our name

And the war we’re in forever
Is the problem of the story of his lies

August 6, 2009

Capitol Hill

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

Thios song was originally posted on 7/09/07

Well, as more and more people are saying, it’s time to bring the troops home from Iraq. There is nothing more that can be accomplished militarily. The Iraqis themselves have to want the violence to end and to live in peace (as I hope we all would, so STFU Sen Lieberman). This time I turned to the Peter Gabriel classic, “Solisbury Hill” to express myself. (In case some of you don’t reciognize the song by that title, think “My heart was going boom boom boom”. Yeah, that’s the one.) As usual, thank you, Jane, for your helpful critiques. And I can only hope that Mr. Gabriel forgives me.

Capitol Hill
Original Words and Music “Solisbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

Climbing up on Capitol Hill
I could see I’d have a fight
Legislators standing still
Need to show ‘em what is right

Here is something I observed
Came up here to have my voice
No one seemed to have the nerve
Had to tell ‘em, “You have no choice”

They did not believe the information
Just have to trust in my persuasion
Iraq is going BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
I said, (more…)

August 5, 2009


Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 6/27/07

Well, Vice President Dick Cheney was in the news, again lately. It appears that he has wielded more power than anybody ever knew a veep could. He was even given authority to drop in on any meeting (except Congressional ones, thankfully) and direct activities. He has gone behind the president’s back to promote his own legislative agenda. And, of course, he downed “a beer” at a lunch break on a “hunting trip”, shot a 78-year-old man in the face, sent his friend out to lie to the press, and blew off the cops when they questioned him and asked him to submit to a blood alcohol test on the scene. Glad he’s not my friend. (Glad I’m not 78, either.) So, with apologies to Pink Floyd, here is “Cheney”, sung to the tune of “Money”. I hope you enjoy.

Original Words and Music “Money”, by Pink Floyd
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

Cheney, go away.
Keep your nose out of my meetings now, O.K.?
Cheney, you’re an ass.
Shoot your friend’s face then act like you’ve no class.

You’re for dodging war (five deferments)
Think you’d have just a little sense

Cheney, you’re wrong.
I’m sure you’ve been incorrect all along.
Cheney, you’re a twit.
Don’t give me that Legislative Branch bullshit!


August 4, 2009

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Why)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 6/26/07

It’s hard to argue that George W. Bush doesn’t love war, considering how many opportunites he’s had to end it, and how eager he is to start another one. I imagine him sitting back wondering why the rest of the world doesn’t think he’s right. In fact, I imagine his idea of a wonderful world might be something like this little parody I wrote based on the hit song “Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much)”, by Sam Cooke. I hope you enjoy.

Wonderful World (Don’t Know Why)
Original words and music “Wonderful World (Don’t Know Much)”, by Sam Cooke
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

Don’t know why it’s a mystery
Don’t know why it’s so hard to see
Don’t know why I should read a book
Don’t know why I can’t be a crook

But I do know that I love war
And I know what I could use it for
What a wonderful world this could be

Don’t know why there is diplomacy
Don’t know why they don’t bow to me

August 3, 2009

Go Ask Congress

This song was originally posted on 06/22/07

The troops have been in Iraq far too long. There is nothing left for them to accomplish militarily that will have any lasting effects without serious political changes on the part of the Iraqi people, and they don’t seem all that eager to hold up their end of the bargain. In the meantime, our brave men and women are dying a pointless death. Bring them home now. Contact your Representative and Senators and tell them to put an end to the war in Iraq right now. Sing them this song if you have to.

This is to the tune of Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit” (also known as “Go Ask Alice”). I hope you enjoy it.

Go Ask Congress
Original words and music “White Rabbit” by Grace Slick and Darby Slick.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

One bill starts in Summer and
One bill starts in Fall.
But the ones that Bush would sign now
Won’t do anything at all.
Go ask Congress,
To get on the ball.

And if you go march in protests,
And you think it’ll help to call,
Tell ‘em our (more…)

August 1, 2009

Once In My Lifetime

As they used to say on the classic TV series “I Love Lucy”, “George Bush got some ‘splainin’ to do!” (Those were the funniest episodes because everyone thought Ricky was crazy. Who the hell was George Bush? But I digress.) It just seems that so often, the truth doesn’t match what he claims it to be. (George Bush, that is, not Ricky Ricardo.) And though this isn’t true in every instance where his words contradict the facts, it is often because he has been lying (or misleading, or deliberately trying to make you believe something diametrically opposed to known facts, or whatever you want to call it. I like “lying”.)

Well, many who follow his exploits have noticed that some of these lies have resulted in violations of International Law (as well as Constitutional Law, but let’s leave that for another parody). Something about invading a country in a war of choice. No, for violations of International Law, it’s the World Court. So I wondered what would he think about all his lying once it put him on trial in the Hague.

And, as you sing this one to yourself, I think it would help a great deal if during the chorus, you hold your arms above your head and wave them and then bend at the waist and wave your arms downward, back and forth with each line. And when you get to the “Same as it ever was” part, hold your left arm out in front of you, bent at the elbow, and run your right hand from the crook of your elbow to the fingertips in a downward chopping motion. Get into the “feel” of the song. And if anyone catches you doing that, make sure you’re singing out loud and they’ll be sure to understand. Don’t be afraid to look foolish; it’s how we entertain each other. Admit it, it’s hard to resist doing that when you hear the original song, “Once In A Lifetime”.

Thank you, Jane. And, for the record, I have no idea what the political views or personal feelings toward our president are of Mr. Byrne, Mr. Eno, or the members of Talking Heads, who collaborated on the original 1980 song “Once in a Lifetime.” If this in any way offends them then two things: 1) I apologize; and, 2) How the hell did you ever find out about my blog?

Once In My Lifetime
Original Words and Music “Once in a Lifetime” by David Byrne, Brian Eno, and Talking Heads ©1980
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider ©2007

And he may find himself sitting in a witness chair
And he may find himself in another part of the world
And he may find himself before a judge in a large courtroom setting
And he may find himself in a horrible cell, with a horrible life
And he may ask himself, “Well…how did I get here?”

Living a life of lies, Sure was bound to bring me down

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