Pick Wayne's Brain

December 10, 2009

The Sarah Palin Collection

Does the sight of Sarah Palin on your TV machine make you nauseous? Why not do what I do? Just play one of these six Sarah Palin song parodies in your head. You’ll thank me later.

(I posted them with the commentary I had at the time, if any.)

Lady McPalin
Original wiords and music “Lady Madonna”, by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Lady McPalin, standing on your feet
Wonder how you manage to take the heat?
Who took the money? Something else was meant.
Did you spend the money that Congress sent?
Friday night a lie about an airplane
Sunday morning speaking like a nun
Monday’s lie was turned into a campaign
See how they run

Lady McPalin, baby at your breast
Wonders how you’ll manage to fool the rest

See how they run

Lady McPalin, lying on the trail
Listen to the pundits saying that you’ll fail
Tuesday afternoon is “No more spending”
Wednesday morning “Stevens is no bum
Thursday night your war that’s never-ending

See how they run

Lady McPalin, standing on your feet
Wonder how you manage to take the heat?



The Ignorant Song
Original words and music “The Immigrant Song”, by Jimmy Page, Robert Plant
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008


Ah-ah
We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the oil does flow
The worship of our gods
Will drive our stops in new lands,
To fight the Dems, whining and crying:
Wasilla, they are coming!

On we sweep with crap we fling
Our only goal will be the Western Wing

Ah-ah
We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the oil does flow
How soft your brains so green,
Can whisper tales of awe,
Of how we claimed the right to war
We’ll be your overlords.

On we sweep with lies we sling
Our only goal will be the Western Wing

So now you’d better vote and rebuild all your prisons
For war and lies will rule the day, despite all your decisions

Palin Clown
Original words and music “Allentown” by Billy Joel
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Well they’re giving us this Palin clown
And they’re closing all the reasoning down
Out in Washington they’re building ties
Going on shows, handing out lies
Well her partner fought the Vietnam war
Spent his service on the prison floor
Joined her husband in the NRA,
Asked him to shoot, what can you say?
And they’re giving us this Palin clown
Why this senselessness was handed down
Well it’s getting pretty hard to say

Well we’re looking at this Palin clown
For the sense of mania there to be found
For the promises her party gave
If we worked hard, if we could save
So the nomination left us appalled
And they never really calmed us at all
No they never told us what was real
Oil and war, how does she feel?
And we’re looking at this Palin clown
But they’ve taken all the truth to the ground
And the truthful people stowed away

Every girl has a pretty good shot
To get at least as far as this bimbo got
But something happens when she’s put in her place
They throw an American flag in our face

Well they’re giving us this Palin clown
And it’s hard to keep a good fact down
But I won’t be giving up today

And it’s getting pretty hard to say
Why they’re giving us this Palin clown

A number of very prominent conservative voices have come out saying that Gov Sarah Palin should be dumped from the Republican ticket. It’s as if they were saying this…

Turning On You
Original Words and Music by Blue Oyster Cult
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2008

Wrong in Wasilla
Wrong for this city
Wrong isn’t pretty
Ain’t no good to me

Wrong on the Mid East
Wrong as a mayor
Wrong as a player
Wrong she’ll always be

Turn on the hate
Turn on the fight
I can’t see no reason why you would be right
I’m even for giving McDevil his due

But I’m turning, I’m turning, I’m turning on you
I’m turning, I’m turning, I’m turning on you

Time is of essence
Time is the reason
Time ain’t no season
Got no time to grow

Time is just passing
Time to play catch-up
Time for new match-up
Time for you to go

Turn on the hate
Turn on the fight
I’m not the one who told you we’re wrong and you’re right
I’ve heard some that were freaking and lies that got through

Well I’m turning, I’m turning, I’m turning on you
I’m turning, I’m turning, I’m turning on you

Turn on the hate
Turn on the fight
I can’t see no reason why you would be right
I’m even for giving McDevil his due

And I’m turning, I’m turning, I’m turning on you (repeat)

So, will Sarah Palin really try to run for president in 2012? Did she learn anything from the last time she ran for national office? Let’s find out with some help from The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”.

Don’t Hand Those Clothes To Me
Original music and lyrics, Sting, 1981
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2009

Young gov’nor, the subject
Of blogger fantasy
She wants this so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there’s nothing
This girl’s a prop on stage
Veep-picking, she’s so close now
This girl is half his age

Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me
Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me

The right wing’s so jealous
You know how bad they get
Sometimes it’s not so easy
To make them all forget
Corruption, disruption
So bad it makes them cry
In press news she’s flailing
Her words are cold and dry

Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me
Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me

Loose talk in the back room
To lose they try and try
Strong words in the staffroom
The accusations fly
It’s no use, we’ve seen her
We start to doubt her brain
Just like the old man in
That book by John McCain

Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me
Don’t hand, Don’t hand those
Don’t hand those clothes to me
[Back: Please don’t hand those clothes to me]

Sarah Palin leaves her job as Governor of Alaska today. Just up and quit on everyone. Yet, somehow, she’s still seen as the future of the Republican Party. (And a big Thank You to my good friend Zooey at TheZoo for the suggestion.)

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7PIyIcCro]

I Feel Quitty
Original song, “I Feel Pretty”, Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

SARAH
I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty,
I feel quitty, and flitty and gay,
But no pity
I’m a girl who’s unemployed today.

I feel smarmy,
Oh, so smarmy–
It’s alarm-y how smarmy I feel,
And so quitty
That you hardly can believe I’m real.

See the quitty girl in that mirror there:
Who can that distracted girl be?
Such a gritty face,
Such a knitty dress,
Such a kitty smile,
Such a quitty me!

I’m still living
And I’m walking —
Feel like giving a talking aloud,
And I’m loved
By a pretty dubious crowd!

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
Have you seen the Queen of Wasilla,
The laziest girl that you’ve met?
You’ll know she’s not such a thriller–
She’s the one who is in an advanced state of debt.

She thinks she’s so loved.
She thinks she’s a brain.
She isn’t that loved,
She’s merely insane.

It must be the press
Or some lack of ease
Or too much of stress,
Or maybe it’s sleaze.

Keep away from her — Look for scheming!
This is just the Sarah that’s dreaming!

Unfazed and inured,
So dense and so blind
Spellbound and unsure
And out of her mind!

SARAH
I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty
That the city should look into me.
A committee
Should be organized to question me.

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
La-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la

SARAH
I feel lucky
I feel ducky,
I feel plucky and mucky with slime,
And so quitty,
In America you just resign!

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
La-la-la-la-la la la la-la-la

SARAH
See the quitty girl in that mirror there:

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
What mirror where?

SARAH
Who can that distracted girl be?

LIMBAUGH, GINGRICH, LOWRY
Which? What? Where? Whom?

SARAH
Such a gritty face,
Such a knitty dress,
Such a kitty smile,
Such a quitty me!

ALL
I’m still living
And I’m walking —
Feel like giving a talking aloud,
And I’m loved
By a pretty dubious crowd!

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