Pick Wayne's Brain

May 11, 2010

The John McCain Collection

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 7:22 PM

This is a compilation of all the song parodies I have written about John McCain. People consider him to be a hero because he survived several years as a P.O.W. I like Al Franken’s perspective. Long before Al became a Senator, he said to McCain, “Well you basically sat out the war.” McCain at least has enough of a sense of humor to recognize that as funny, and he did laugh. But his recent flip-flopping, such as denying he ever considered himself a maverick, have shown him to be a desperate man hoping to keep his job so he doesn’t have to go home to his $100,000,000 wife. Here, now, are the song parodies I’ve written about Senator John McCain (Maverick, AZ). I am posting them in the order they were originally posted. Some parodies have been cross-posted at TheZoo. I hope you enjoy them, and I apologize if any of the videos no longer work. If you have a CD of the song, put it in your computer and listen to it there, or go to the YouTube directly. (I will post the URL for the video. It does help to follow the parodies that way. They’re written to match the sounds of the original song.) And thank you very much. I hope you enjoy them, and that you will have found it to be time well spent. 🙂

—–

“McCain” was originally published Apr 20, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnn1dDVmZyQ.

If you’ve been paying close attention to the news, you might have learned that John McCain has a bit of an honesty problem. He just flat out tells untruths, also known as lies. There have been several articles recently about his connection with a lobbyist, and whether or not he went too far in helping her client. But John McCain gets a pass from the media when his integrity should be questioned at every turn. Do you really know where he stands on anything? Besides trying to give us a third Bush term, which he seems to think the American people want. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this song parody about McCain’s lies. It’s to the tune of Eric Clapton’s immortal “Cocaine”.

McCain
Original words and music by J.J. Cale
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

If you wanna have clout
You’ve gotta call him out
McCain
If you wanna see frowns
See frowns all around
McCain

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

When he gets to lose
He’s gonna have them blues
McCAIN
When his campaign’s done
He’s gonna wanna lie on
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

When his campaign’s done
He’s gonna wanna lie on
McCAIN
He forgets the facts
He can’t take it back
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

—–

“The Panderer” was originally published May 5, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : uk.youtube.com/watch?v=FBtmaq0J2kU.

This could apply to almost any politician running for office, but I’m sure that some of you out there will see one of the current presidential candidates in it. John McCain being the most obvious, of course. (What do you expect? I’m a Liberal!) It’s to the tune of the famous Dion classic, “The Wanderer”. I hope you enjoy it. I want to thank my wife, Jane, for her help with some of the words. And I want to thank my friend and fellow Critter, Nwmuse, of The Zoo, for the suggestion.

By the way, I don’t know who came up with the idea for the video, but it sort of connects.



The Panderer
Original Words and Music by Ernest Peter Maresca, 1961
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008


Oh, well mine’s the type of lie that will make you settle down
Where voting people are, well you know that I’m around
I need ’em so I feed ’em cause to me it’s all a game
I huck ’em and I jive ’em, I don’t even know their names
They call me the Panderer – yeah – the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh well there’s Libs on my left side and there’s Conserves on my right
Dishonesty’s the girl, that I’ll be with tonight
And when they ask me which lie I loved the best
I tear open my coat and show a Flag Pin on my chest
‘Cause I’m the Panderer – yeah the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh, well I roam from town to town
Make a promise without a care
And I pander like a clown
With my two-fisted lies so old and thread-bare

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
Yeah, I’m the Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
Let me go

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer….

—–

“Boulevard of Spoken Schemes” was originally published Sep 18, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : uk.youtube.com/watch?v=upMUeJkNyOU.

The more I listen to Sen John McCain speak on the campaign trail, the more I am convinced that he’s full of shit. Or demented. Or both. And when he talks, he talks a shitload of lies and revisions of history, especially his own. So, for example, does he favor more regulation of the stock markets and greater oversight, or is he still “fundamentally, a de-regulator”? Here is Green Day’s “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” to help me say it better. And, as always, thank you, Jane for your help.

Boulevard of Spoken Schemes
Original words and music, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day, 2004
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008.

I talk a phony ‘load
The only kind that I have ever known
Don’t know if it shows
But it’s fun for me and I talk a ‘load

I talk this empty streak
On the Boulevard of Spoken Schemes
Where the country weeps
And I’m the phony one and I talk a ‘load

I talk a ‘load
I talk a ‘load
I talk a ‘load
I talk a…

My shadow’s Phony Joe that talks beside me
My shallow heart’s the phony thing that’s speaking
Sometimes I wish some facts out there will find me
‘Til then I talk a ‘load

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I’m talking ’bout a line
That defines me somewhere in my mind
The disordered kind
On the edge is where I talk a ‘load

Read between the lines
I’m fucked up and everything’s a fight
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I talk a ‘load

I talk a ‘load
I talk a ‘load
I talk a ‘load
I talk a…

My shadow’s Phony Joe that talks beside me
My shallow heart’s the phony thing that’s speaking
Sometimes I wish some facts out there will find me
‘Til then I talk a ‘load

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I talk a ‘load
I talk a…

I talk this empty streak
On the Boulevard of Spoken Schemes
Where the country weeps
And I’m the phony one and I talk a ‘load

My shadow’s Phony Joe that talks beside me
My shallow heart’s the phony thing that’s speaking
Sometimes I wish some facts out there will find me
‘Til then I talk a ‘load

—–

“He’s Still Lock and Load To Me” was originally published Sep 19, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : uk.youtube.com/watch?v=HpuLnMUpMdU.

I am frightened at the prospect of a McCain (and subsequent Palin) Presidency because I do not trust him (or her) with our nation’s military arsenal at his (or her) disposal. I think they would be too eager to use them. I will never forget what Bill Clinton said at the convention, “America leads best by the power of our example, not by an example of our power.” I just wish I could trust old “Lock and Load” McCain to keep his itchy trigger finger otherwise occupied. On what (or whom) I couldn’t care less. Enjoy this parody of the great Billy Joel’s “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me”. And, as always, thank you Jane for your help.

He’s Still Lock and Load To Me
Original words and music “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me” by Billy Joel, 1980
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

“What’s the matter with the guys I’m hiring?”
Can’t you tell that they’re all too white?
“Maybe I should buy some help from a lobby?”
Welcome back to the ‘Keating Five’.
Where have you been hiding facts lately, Johnny?
You can’t talk trashy ‘cause you think you’re being funny.
Everybody wants to give the “New John” money,
But he’s still “Lock and Load” to me.

“What’s the matter with the war I’m priming?”
Can’t you tell that it’s not our style?
“Should I launch a squad of smart bomb flyers?”
Are you gonna watch the body count pile?
Nowadays you can’t be too temperamental,
You can’t get votes if you ain’t presidential.
Tough talk, bad walk, even if it’s just squawk,
It’s still “Lock and Load” to me

Oh, it doesn’t matter what they say on the TV
‘Cause it’s always been a hostile scene
There’s a new face in town and she acts like a clown,
Told her story to a magazine
And she’s a beauty queen

“How about a pair of cruise sidewinders
And a bright orange ball of fire?”
You could really be a war-monger baby
If you just weren’t a sorry liar.
Don’t waste our money on a new set of speeches,
We get more candor from our blood-sucking leeches.
Next phase, bomb waves, war craze, Iran pays
You’re still “Lock and Load” to me

“What’s the matter with the crowd I’m seeing?”
Don’t you know that they’re out of touch?
“Should I try to be a Straight Talk shooter?”
When you are then you lie too much.
Don’t you know about the new passion, Johnny?
All you need is war and you’ll make lots of money.
It’s the next phase, bomb waves, war craze, Iran pays
You’re still “Lock and Load” to me

Everybody wants to give the “New John” money,
But he’s still “Lock and Load” to me.

—–
“Dear John McCain” was originally published Oct 16, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : uk.youtube.com/watch?v=eDCFjj4La_E.

Here is what I would say to John McCain, if I thought he’d listen to me. I was looking for a video to post with this one, and I almost rejected it until it got to around 3:14 in the video. What a hilarious shot. I hope you enjoy it. And John McCain, I hope you listen.

Dear John McCain
Original words and music “Photograph” by Richard Starkey and George Harrison
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Ev’ry time I hear his voice
It reminds me of the choices, we have to vote
But all I want is a Democrat
Who will realize we’re not going back to before

I think I’ll make it the day you go away
But I can’t take it
If you get voted in to stay-yi-yay-yi-yay

I can’t get used to living here
While my bank is broke, my fears supplied by you
I want the one who’s young and bold
Not the other guy who’s really old and gray

Now you’re expecting me to think about you
But that’s not something that I’m looking forward to

I can’t get used to living here
While my bank is broke, my fears supplied by you
I want the one who’s young and bold
Not the other guy who’s really old and gray

Ev’ry time I hear his voice
It reminds me of the choices, we have to vote
But all I want is a Democrat
Who will realize we’re not going back to before

Ev’ry time I hear his voice
It reminds me of the choices, we have to vote
But all I want is a Democrat
Who will realize we’re not going back to before

Ev’ry time I hear his voice
It reminds me of the choices, we have to vote
But all I want is a Democrat
Who will realize we’re not

—–

“King No Brain” was originally published Oct 31, 2008. If the video no longer works here, paste this after the “http://” : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGEJcizQEXk.

I decided to re-write McCain’s next stump speech, with some help from The Police. (The rock band, not the law enforcement officials.)

King No Brain
Original words and music “King of Pain” by Gordon M. Sumner 1983
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2008

There’s a younger black man on the trail today
Says the same old things as yesterday
There’s a black man caught by a high-strung cop
There’s a flag pin flap and the smears won’t stop

I have stood here before and said this same refrain
That the world’s turning circles going fast insane
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll let me reign
But it’s my destiny to be the King No Brain

There’s a younger black man on the trail today (He’s so old up there)
Says the same old things as yesterday (He’s so old up there)
There’s a black man caught by a high-strung cop (He’s so old up there)
There’s a flag pin flap and the smears won’t stop (He’s so old up there)

I have stood here before and said this same refrain
That the world’s turning circles going fast insane
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll let me reign
But it’s my destiny to be the King No Brain

There’s a couple that’s trapped by a mortgage plan (He’s so old up there)
There’s a dead soldier falling in Afghanistan (He’s so old up there)
There’s a blue state reached by a campaign’s call (He’s so old up there)
There’s a candidate trapped in a high free fall (He’s so old up there)

I have stood here before and said this same refrain
That the world’s turning circles going fast insane
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll let me reign
But it’s my destiny to be the King No Brain

There’s a king in DC with his mind closed shut
There’s a fine man waiting for an if, and, or but
There’s a rich man weeping ‘cause he pays some tax
There’s a Senator choking on a set of facts

There’s a red state torn by a false attack (He’s so old up there)
There’s a bad thing said that I won’t take back (He’s so old up there)
There’s a younger black man on the trail today
Says the same old things as yesterday

I have stood here before and said this same refrain
That the world’s turning circles going fast insane
I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll let me reign
But it’s my destiny to be the King No Brain

King No Brain
King No Brain
King No Brain
I’ll always be King No Brain
I’ll always be King No Brain

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