Pick Wayne's Brain

September 3, 2010

The Tea Party People

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 8:09 PM

This is about the Tea Party People, bless their pointy little heads. They just don’t seem to understand what it is they want. They want the government to stay out of health care (falsely believing we have the “best health care system in the world”, owing to a mistaken belief that individual achievements make an entire system great), but they don’t want their Medicare touched (which is a government-run health care system held in high esteem by these same people). They think they are taxed too high (hence, their “official” name is the “Taxed Enough Already” Party, T.E.A. Party), yet they are currently taxed (at the federal level) at the lowest rates of their lifetimes. Anyway, this is to the tune of Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”. I hope you like it.

The Tea Party People
Original words and music “One Week” by Ed Robertson,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

They let one speak and he looked at me
Cocked his head toward his sign that said “I’m angry”
Guy said it’s the tax on me
Saying make that get better, cut back on DC
He pays even less than you
He realized it’s all been false but wouldn’t tell you
‘Ventually it occurred to me
That there’ll still be new ways that they make him sorry

Holy cow did they get hoodwinked, they didn’t stop, think
They think they’re looking like smarty pants
Their summer’s packed to attack although they like a lack of facts
They like the newbies ‘cause they never touched the elephants
Not like Kenobi when they trust guys, who tell ‘em big lies
And say they’re all about values
So Rupert’s got some big hits, but they all lack wits
You try to scold ‘em but they’re nuts, too

Gonna watch a wreck and catch some Beck
He’s like a partly shortened deck
And like O’Reilly he’s the finest of the blamers
Gotta see his show, ’cause then you’ll know
The dynamo is gonna blow
‘Cause he’s so dangerous they made him show disclaimers

How can I help it if I think they’re funny when they’re mad
Trying hard all the while not to look sad
They’re the kind of guys whose laughs are ephemeral
Don’t understand what that means? Well they soon will
They have a tendency to use their minds sparingly
They have a history of taking off from work

They let one speak and he looked at me
Waved his signs in the air like he was crazy
Guy said if you fact-check me
I’ll still get the wrong words on both of these
And when he pays even less than you
He’ll realize it’s all been false and not a moment too soon
Suddenly it occurred to me
And now I sit back and wait ‘til he sees he’s sorry

Picketing China the Chinese villain
They see a chopstick and their rage starts fillin’
Watchin’ Fox News with no brains on, they’re sans la raison
I know they’re stoking fans in this one

Like Hannity’s head they’re getting slanted, Like Beck they ranted
Like Bill-O guaranteed to demonize
Like Rupert Murdoch they make bad news, ‘kay they don’t make news
But if they did we’d have it analyzed

Oughta get a set a better signs
Oughta find the kind with finer lines
Just so their stupid’s not always showin’ up the right wing
Gotta tune in soon these loony tunes
Just love buffoons they got the boom Faberge babes
They make ’em say the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think they’re funny when they’re mad?
Trying hard all the while not to look sad
They’re the kind of guys whose laughs are ephemeral
Don’t understand what that means? They soon will
They have a tendency to spell their signs carelessly
They have a history of nodding off in church

They let one speak and he looked at me
Dropped his head to his chest like he was sorry
Guy said it’s a tax on you
They just screwed just who I thought they were gonna screw
He pays even less than you
I realized he’s not to blame, but what could I do?
Instantly it occurred to me
That there’ll still be new ways that they make him sorry
There’ll still be new ways that they make him sorry
There’ll still be new ways that they make him sorry
Mostly Caucasoid, old and they’re crabby

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6 Comments

  1. Sorry, Wayne, but I just can’t read fast enough to follow your lyrics in time to the music!

    Just kidding! 😀

    Comment by houseofroberts — September 3, 2010 @ 8:25 PM

  2. Thanks, House. That’s why I try to match the syllables in the song as much as possible. Makes it easier to read, and it’s unlikely I’ll be able to sing any of these. 🙂

    Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — September 3, 2010 @ 8:47 PM

  3. That must have been a really hard song to parody, Wayne. Nice work!

    Comment by Zooey — September 5, 2010 @ 12:12 PM

  4. Thanks, Zooey. There was one block of lines that had me stuck for a couple of weeks, but I finally found something to do with it. 🙂

    I’m glad you liked it.

    Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — September 5, 2010 @ 12:18 PM

  5. The tea party is about one thing only. And that is the fact that the massive spending and debt is THE most dangerous threat to the future of our country. Taxed enough is NOT about current rates but those that must be imposed to pay for all this spending. We in the TEA party know exactly what we want and that is bloggers like you to come out of your mommy’s basement and learn a little about economics.

    Comment by GK — September 29, 2010 @ 9:20 PM

  6. GK,

    Thank you for visiting my blog. A few facts that folks in the Tea Party might wish to consider (if facts will, in fact, persuade them). The wealthiest in this nation are not the ones out in the streets holding pre-printed signs saying they are taxed enough already. The wealthiest are the ones who paid for those pre-printed signs saying we are taxed enough already. Who do you think the “we” is in that sentiment, the average American, who is paying the lowest tax rates in his lifetime? No, it’s people like the Koch brothers, just trying to avoid paying more than they already are, which is also the lowest rates they have ever paid in their lives. People like them have been conducting class warfare on the rest of us for years. It is about the greed of the people financing the fake “grassroots” movement known as the Tea Party. THAT is what the Tea party is about.

    This song is about the stupid people who believe all that crap.

    Raise taxes on the wealthy, lift the cap on Social Security taxes (income above, something like, $95,000, give or take a couple of thousand, is not taxed at all. Lift this cap.), stop giving tax breaks to corporations that export jobs overseas, these are just a few ways to raise revenues without affecting the lives of a single one of the people marching in the streets, carrying the pre-printed signs.

    And I do not live in my mommy’s basement, my wife and I provide a home for her in ours.

    Normally I would invite you to check out my other song parodies, but I don’t think you’d like any of the other songs about the Tea party people. But if you have liberal relatives that you like to argue politics with, please send them here to my blog. And, once again, thanks for stopping by.

    Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — September 29, 2010 @ 9:36 PM


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