Pick Wayne's Brain

July 14, 2012

Stupid Christian Tricks

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 6:10 PM

This post originated in another post at The Zoo. It has been altered slightly for publication here.

You have to wonder about a Religion so insecure that it can’t stand even the existence of anyone who might think it invalid, and who thus must be treated like perverts. Are their arguments so weak that they have to advise their children not to talk to non-Believers, out of fear that they could get the idea that their parents have been wrong all this time? Are they really that afraid of people like me?

As a proud Atheist, I think we would be doing the children of the world a grave disservice if we didn’t teach them the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ of what to do when encountering a faux-Christian. We can begin with a couple of easy ones, and you can add more of your own:


Be suspicious. It seems that often, some of the very people decrying someone else’s immorality are guilty of the same thing.


Believe anything they say about what the Bible says. There’s an extremely good chance they’re wrong.

Another handy tip for the little ones is to teach them some questions to have handy, in case someone comes knocking on their door asking if they’d like to hear about the Bible. I’ll begin the list here, and you can add your own:

“In the garden of Eden, as Adam was naming the animals, what non-Latin name did he give the Tyrannosaurus Rex?”

“If there really nothing ‘in the beginning’* before God created everything, how long did God sit around doing nothing with nothing? Did he eventually create everything around us out of boredom? If there was nothing but God, what did He think about all day?””

* – I do not believe that there was ever a point at which there was “nothing”. The Universe as we know and observe us, the Space-Time Framework within which all the interactions of the Cosmos take place, has always been there. Always. The Matter and Energy within it has changed over time, but there was never a time, if you know what I mean, when there was, literally, nothing. Our Big Bang event happened within the boundaries of another already-existing Universe. It destroyed any matter in that other Universe as it expanded, and all of that matter was absorbed into our own Universe. Scientists have observed objects that they calculate to be older than the generally-agreed age of our own Universe. The only way that would be possible is if that object existed before our Universe, the one where the laws of Physics behave as we’ve observed, did. And that is totally consistent with my theory. Besides, what is there beyond “our’ Universe, besides other Universes?

BTW, as to the question, “Why are they always so sad?”, the answer is, “Because we’re surrounded by blissfully ignorant faux Christians!”

Hat tip to Jane & Zooey, of The Zoo, who contributed greatly to the content of the original post.
Thanks, Ladies.

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter Daniel below, we now have a source for this. http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/
Daniel says they may be a parody. He may be right.



  1. I think this might have originated with a Landover-affiliated site.

    Comment by danielwalldammit — July 14, 2012 @ 7:19 PM

    • Hi, Daniel. Thanks for visiting my blog. What is this Landover of which you speak?

      Comment by Wayne A. Schneider — July 14, 2012 @ 8:03 PM

      • Landover Baptist Church. Some would say that it is a parody of a conservative Christian church. They lie of course, Landover is just as real as Jesus! But that aside, I seem to recall a website called “Operation Shutdown Landover,” which had similar rumors. It’s been over 10 years, but if memory serves right, this may come from that.

        Comment by danielwalldammit — July 14, 2012 @ 8:06 PM

  2. Thought you might enjoy my Atheist version of this ‘Grumpy’ flier…;)

    Comment by Kevin Karstens — January 8, 2015 @ 3:15 PM

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