This is a work of fiction based on a work of fiction which, in turn, was based on another work of fiction. The characters are based on real people who may or may not behave the way they’re depicted here, but it would be fun to think they do. This is also a work of fantasy. The real procedures that would have to take place are different, but let’s allow a little license so we can have fun. Besides, I’m just trying to make my made-up story more closely match the made-up story upon which this is based, which tried to more-or-less match the made-up story on which it was based. You can just think of it as “fake news” right up until it really happens.
I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please share it with your friends through the various media available. Warning: Not suitable for work. Void where prohibited by law.
DONALD TRUMP TV STAR A Rock Opera Parody CAST, The singers in order of appearance REINCE PRIEBUS........................................WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF DONALD J. TRUMP............................POTUS, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES KELLYANNE CONWAY..........................................COUNSELOR TO THE POTUS MICHAEL PENCE........................VPOTUS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES MITCH McCONNELL...........................................SENATE MAJORITY LEADER RUDY GIULIANI..........................................................NOSFERATU JOHN ROBERTS..................................CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES JARED KUSHNER.....................DONALD J. TRUMP'S CLOSE ADVISER and SON-IN-LAW PAUL RYAN................................SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES RUTH BADER GINSBURG................................................NOTORIOUS RBG Reince Priebus is worried. He's beginning to think his boss might possibly be out of his mind. He talks to his dead father a lot, and he seems to think he's Jesus Christ. Reince is concerned about the kind of message his governance is sending. HATRED ON THEIR MINDS Reince Priebus: My mind's in terror now-- At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be If you step away, the width of the plan That you'll see's clearly all lunacy Donald! You've started to believe The things you say you'll do You really do believe This kind of job's for you And all the stuff you've done You thought was swept away Will begin to matter more Than the things you say Listen, Donald, I don't like what I see All I ask is that you listen to me And remember-- I've been a right-wing lad all along You upset them all, you liar They think you'll round them up and fire And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong I remember when this whole thing began No talk of Dad then we called you "The Man" And believe me, my adulation for you hasn't died But every word you say today You twist around some other way It will hurt you when they find you've lied Face the fact your worser fate Would have been in real estate Like your father carving 'hoods You'd have been sued Fabled hair and poking breasts Would have suited Donald best He'd brought nobody charm Fewer to harm Tell me Donald why you care more for race. Don't you see that must keep in its place? We're homogenized-- Have you forgotten how more brown we are? I am frightened by your crowd For they're not doing what's allowed And they'll watch us when we go too far Then they'll go too far!!! Listen, Donald to the warning I give Please remember this is no way to live And it's bad to see your denseness thickening with every hour All your followers are blind! Too much hatred on their minds They were dutiful and brought you power Yes it's all for power! Ah--Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah!! Listen, Donald to the warning we give Please remember this is no way to live So come on, come on, listen to me. Ah --- ah Come on, listen, listen to me. Come on and listen to me. Ah --- ah The White House Staff is worried. Their boss seems to be behaving in an unexpected way, almost messianic. They try to find out what's going on and Trump tries to baffle them with bullshit. WHAT THE FUCK? White House staff: What the fuck? Tell me what's a-happening. (repeat 8 times) Donald J. Trump: Why should you want to know? Don't you mind about the future? Don't you try to think ahead? Save tomorrow for tomorrow; Think about today instead. White House staff: What the fuck? Tell me what's a-happening. (repeat many times) Donald J. Trump: I could make up facts and figures. Even make up plans and forecasts. Even tell you what I'm doing. White House staff: Why does he lie about the universe? (repeats) Donald J. Trump: Why should you want to know? Why are you obsessed with trying Crimes from dates you can't define? If you knew the truth I'm hiding, You'd understand it less than I. White House staff: What the fuck? Tell me what's a-happening. (repeat many times) Kellyanne Conway: Let me try to cool down your base a bit. (repeat 5 times) Donald J. Trump: Kelly, ooh, that is good, While you prattle as my buffer, Where and when with who and how. You alone will try to help me While I tweet right here and now. White House staff: What the fuck? Tell me what's a-happening. (repeat many times) Kellyanne Conway is worried. She suspects Priebus doesn’t like her and wants Trump to get rid of her. But she has a way of getting to Trump when he starts going a little wacky, and Reince knows that. He doesn't believe it helps when Trump's surrogates lie all the time. Trump defends her. STRANGE THING SIGNIFYING Reince Priebus: It seems to me a strange thing, signifying That a man like you can waste his dime on people of her kind Yes I can understand that she confuses But to let her rep you, hawk your wares, that's hardly not a crime It's true that I object to her selection 'Cause she doesn't fit in well with what you need to say It doesn't help you if you are incoherent They only need a small excuse to laugh us all away Donald J. Trump: Who are you, who, to criticize her? Who are you, who, to despise her? Leave her, leave her, let her be now Leave her, leave her, she's with me now If your slate is clean - then you can throw stones If your slate is not then leave her alone I'm amazed that men like you can be so shallow thick and slow There is not a man among you who knows or cares if I come or go All (save Priebus): No you're wrong! You're very wrong!... How can you say that?... Donald J. Trump: Not one - not one of you! Donald Trump is worried. He feels like he's not in control of his universe. Things are not happening fast enough, and for someone from the business world this is not good. He's used to telling people what he wants and having it done, with little or no inane questions asked like, "Is that legal?" He's worked himself up into a lather again, but Kellyanne knows how to calm her boss down. EVERYTHING'S ALT-RIGHT Kellyanne Conway: Try not to get worried, try not to log onto Forums that upset you so, don't you know Everything's alt-right, yes, no need to whine And we want you to tweet well tonight Let the world turn around you tonight And the lies will get by so retweet all about them tonight Steve Bannon: Everything's alt-right, yes, everything's alt-right, yes Kellyanne Conway: Tweet and it shall soothe you, calm you then annoy you, Stir up your poor hothead so, then you'll see Everything's alt-right, yes, no need to whine And you're cool, your appointments sweet More the liars in your stead and fleet Post your lies, post your lies Then relax, think of Nazis tonight Steve Bannon: Everything's alt-right, yes, everything's alt-right, yes Reince Priebus: Donald your appointments brand you an extremist Could we be paced for a war? Why are your days wasted? You could have placed maybe Three hundred better people or more People who aren't angry, people who aren't raving, Matter more than your tweets and hair Kellyanne Conway: Try not to get worried, try not to log onto Forums that upset you so, don't you know Everything's alt-right, yes, no need to whine And we want you to tweet well tonight Let the world turn around you tonight And the lies will get by so retweet all about them tonight Steve Bannon: Everything's alt-right, yes, everything's alt-right, yes Donald J. Trump: Surely you're not saying we have the resources To save the poor from their lot? There will be poor always pathetically struggling - Look at the good things you've got! Think! while you still have me Move! while you still see me You'll be lost and you'll be so sorry when I'm gone Kellyanne Conway: Tweet and it shall soothe you, calm you then annoy you, Stir up your poor hothead so, then you'll see Everything's alt-right, yes, no need to whine And you're cool, your appointments sweet More the liars in your stead and fleet Post your lies, post your lies Then relax think of Nazis tonight Post your lies, post your lies Then relax think of Nazis tonight All: Everything's alt-right, yes, everything's alt-right, yes Mitch McConnell is worried. The president's obsession with himself and his own place in people's minds has McConnell wondering if maybe they should find a way to get him out of the picture somehow. He arranges a meeting with Vice President Pence and some other backup singers to discuss the crisis. Pence is concerned that the people might demand, and get, a new election. THIS DONALD JUST LIES Aide 1: Good Michael Pence, the Congress waits for you The Senators and House are here for you Michael Pence: Ah, Congressmen. you know why we are here We've not much time and quite a problem here Trump Supporters: Yo, Donald! TV star!... Mitch McConnell: Listen to that howling mob of Trumpsters in the street! A dig or two at Muslims and the whole crowd's on its feet All: He is strange to us Trump Supporters: Donald Trump, TV star - tell us you're not who they say you are All: He is strange to us Aide 2: That man is down South right now to golf at his resort Aide 3: A double bad decision that I think we'll take to court All: He is strange to us! Trump Supporters: Donald Trump, TV Star.... All: He is strange to us! Aide 2: Look, Michael Pence, we just can't wait a day Aide 3: Quick, Michael Pence, go call the CIA Michael Pence: No wait - we need a more elegant solution to our problem... Mitch McConnell: What then to do about Donald of Real Estate Serial huckster man, zero at school? Aide 3: So pious, so smarmy, so biting, so bogus Michael Pence: One thing I'll say for him – God, what a tool Mitch McConnell: We dare not leave him to his phone devices His half-witted tweets will get out of control Aide 3: How can we stop him? His ego increases By leaps, every minute he's on a new troll Michael Pence: I see bad things arising - the crowd made him win Which the party can't stand Will they null the election? Our un-installation because of one man Null the election because of one man All: Because, because, because of one man Michael Pence: Our un-installation because of one man All: Because, because, because of one, 'cause of one, 'cause of one man Aide 3: What then to do about his egomania? Mitch McConnell: How do we deal with the narcissist king? Aide 3: Where do we start with an ego that's bigger Than Don's was when Don did his campaigning thing? Michael Pence: True, he does use deception Mistakes he is making are frighteningly high! We can't trust him completely! 'Cause like cons before him, this Donald just lies For the sake of his ego, this Donald just lies All: Just lies, just lies, this Donald just lies Michael Pence: So like cons before him, this Donald just lies All: Just lies, just lies, this Donald just, Donald just, Donald just lies! Michael Pence is worried. The White Supremacists and Neo-Nazis who openly support Trump have been getting out of hand and attacking people. He wants Trump to make them tone it down a bit. But Trump will have none of it. YO DONALD White Supremacists: Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Donald, Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Yo, Donald Hey DT, DT, you are white like me Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, TV star Michael Pence: Tell the Nazis to be quiet, we can't take another riot. This racist crowd, is much too proud. Tell the mob who sing your song that they are fools and they are wrong. They are a curse. They could get worse. White Supremacists: Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Donald, Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Yo, Donald Hey, DT, DT you're alt-right like me Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, TV star Donald J. Trump: Why waste your breath moaning at the crowd? Nothing can be done to stop the shouting. If every tongue were stilled The noise would still continue. The rocks and stone themselves would start to sing: Wh Sup's and Trump: Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Donald, Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Yo, Donald White Supremacists: Hey DT, DT they're not white like me Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, TV star Rudy Giuliani is worried. He thinks Trump won't take advantage of his tremendous support and enact a far-right agenda. Trump tells him, essentially, “You have no idea.” RUDY GIULIANI/POOR UNTRUTHFUL SCAMS Trump Supporters: Trump you know I love you Did you see I stayed I believe that you're a god So tell me when I'm paid Trump you know I love you Did you see I stayed I believe that you're a god So tell me when I'm paid Donald I'm a woman Touch me, touch me, Donald! Donald I am like your bride Kiss me, kiss me, Donald Rudy Giuliani: Trump what more do you need to convince you? That you've made it, and you're easily as strong As the Left at home who raped our country And who've terrorized right wingers for so long Trump Supporters: Trump you know I love you Did you see I stayed I believe that you're a god So tell me when I'm paid Trump you know I love you Did you see I stayed I believe that you're a god So tell me when I'm paid Donald I'm a woman Touch me, touch me, Donald! Donald I am like your bride Kiss me, kiss me, Donald Rudy Giuliani: There just were over sixty million Screaming love and all for you. And everyone of sixty million Would do whatever you ask him to. Keep them yelling their emotion, But agitate their hate at home! And you will rise to a greater power! We will win ourselves our home! And you'll get the power and the glory! For ever and ever and ever! And you'll get the power and the glory! For ever and ever and ever! You'll get the power and the glory! (For ever Amen!) For ever and ever and ever! (For ever Amen!) You'll get the power and the glory! (For ever Amen!) For ever and ever and ever! (For ever Amen!) Repeat last 2 lines x3 Donald J. Trump: Neither you Rudy, nor the sixty million Nor the women, nor the dudes, Nor Priebus, nor the staff Nor the priests, nor the scribes Used damned untruthful scams themselves. Understand what power is, understand what glory is Understand it all, understand it all If you knew all that I knew, my poor untruthful scams. You'd see the truth, then you'd hope I die, then you'd hope I die. While I live I'll double my many poor untruthful scams. To conquer truth I only have to lie, I only have to lie. Chief Justice John Roberts is worried. He keeps having this strange dream about a foul-mouthed primate. ROBERTS' DREAM John Roberts: I dreamed I met a grabby gibbon, a most disturbing man. He had that hair you very rarely find - the taunted, tortured kind. I asked him to say he was happy, now his fall began. I asked again, he said a dirty word, as if he was a turd. And next, the news was full of smiling Russian men, they seemed to help this man. Elected him and then, they disappeared again. Then I heard dozens of millions lying for his man. And then I heard them threaten in his name, believing it a game. Donald Trump is worried again. Too many merchants and unpaid vendors are flocking to Trump Tower in the dim hopes of making a deal with Trump's sons or getting paid for past deals they made with Trump himself. TRUMP TOWER Capitalists: Let me up for my price is down Let me in for the best in town Take your pick of the clothing line Sign your name on the dotted line Let me up for my price is down Let me in for the best in town Take your pick of the clothing line Sign your name on the dotted line Put a price upon everything Wonder why it's all going fast Borrow cash like a junk bond king Wonder how your stocks still last Donald J. Trump: Trump Tower should be a house of players But you have made it a den of thieves Get out, get out My crime is almost through Little Left can do After all I've tried for three months Seems like thirty Seems like thirty Trump's Vendors: See my bills I can hardly pay See my staff they can hardly work I believe that you made this worse See my tongue you're a goddamn jerk See my sperm I'm a mass of duds See my biz it can hardly stand I believe that you made this Hell See my purse I'm a poor, poor man Out of touch with your spending, Trump Out of touch with your feelings, Trump Out of this, can you help me Trump? Out of this, won't you pay me Trump? (x2) Donald J. Trump: Oh, there's too many of you, don't push me Oh, there's too little of me, don't crowd me, Please, don't crowd me. Pay yourselves! Kellyanne Conway is worried about Donald again. The onslaught of people trying to take advantage of him coupled with the vendors he stiffed clamoring for their money has sent Trump into a rage again. She knows it's time to calm him down. EVERYTHING'S ALT-RIGHT Kellyanne Conway: Try not to get harried, try not to log onto Forums that upset you so. Don't you know Everything's alt-right, yes, no need to whine Donald J. Trump: And I think I shall tweet well tonight Let the world turn around me tonight Kellyanne Conway: And the lies will get by so retweet all about them tonight Kellyanne Conway is even more worried. She thinks she's stuck where she is with no way out. She's beginning to question her boss's grasp on reality, and she has no idea what to do to make him happy. And she's not sure if this will be her last job. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SERVE HIM Kellyanne Conway: I don't know how to serve him What to do to improve him He's been changed, yes really changed In these past few weeks What I've seen myself He seems like someone else I don't know how to fake this I don't see what behooves me He's a man A crazy man And I've served so many Men before In very hazy ways I'll just ignore Should I take him down? Should I make him shout? Should I speak the truth? Leave him feeling doubt? I never thought he'd really win How'd we all get out? Don't you think it's for the money He would be in this position? He's the one who's always been So loud so crude, so over rude Just like on his show. He scares me so I never thought he'd really win How'd we all get out? Yet, if he said he'd fire me I'd be lost, I'd be frightened I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope I’ll cave instead, I'll flack away I wouldn't let it show He scares me so I want it though He owes me dough Reince Priebus is even more worried. He's afraid he's going to get caught up in something illegal. There's no longer any doubt his boss is not sane. He decides to ask the Vice President for help. DAMNED TO DO TIME Reince Priebus: How can I help you in matters that we seek? These legal kinda things are coming hard to me. It's taken me some time to see what he's up to. I see the whole thing now and so I came to you. I had no thought at all what we're headed toward. I really didn't drive here in my own Accord. Just don't say I'm ... Damned to do time. I came because I had to 'cause he broke the law. Donald can't deny it like he did before. And furthermore I know that Donald thinks so too. Donald cannot know that I was here with you. I had no thought at all what we're headed toward. I really didn't drive here in my own Accord. Just don't say I'm ... Damned to do time. And he's sure a fiend, a worldly ego size. Michael Pence, my friend, how did you harmonize? Can we keep this secret? If there's anyone Should see us in collusion, know that I'll be done. I had no thought at all what we're headed toward. I really didn't drive here in my own Accord. Just don't say I'm ... Damned to do time. Michael Pence and Mitch McConnell are worried that Reince Priebus won't help them catch the president in an act of betrayal. They're also concerned about the jokes the late night comedians are making about the president. THAT FUNNY Mitch McConnell: Cut the protesting, forget the excuses. We want information. Get up off the floor. Michael Pence: We have the charges we need to evict him. You know his schedule. We know the law. Mitch McConnell: Your help in this matter will go unreported. Michael Pence: We'll say you were absent, that one can't fail. We just need to know who the POTUS is calling. Mitch McConnell: With no staff around him. Michael Pence: Then he can't wail. (Laughs) Reince Priebus: I don't see it's that funny! Michael Pence: Oh, that doesn't matter, our perceptions are true. Reince Priebus: I don't think it's that funny! Mitch McConnell: But you might as well say so. We know that you do. Michael Pence: Think of the things they could say that are funny, Using his charity - stiffing the poor. We've noted his secrets. We've noted his dealings. It isn't that funny when he pees on a... Pees on a...pees on a whore. Reince Priebus: On Thursday night you'll catch him how you want him. Making a call to a national sworn enemy A Grateful Nation: Well done Priebus. Good old Priebus. Everybody in the White House is worried about how this is all going to go down. Impeachment is inevitable, the evidence against him overwhelming. No one is sure who will be the one who steps up and helps get the president caught doing something illegal, so the process can begin sooner. As usual, Trump is making no sense at all. And this worries everyone else even more. THE LAST WHITE HOUSE STAFF MEETING White House staff: Look at all his trials and litigations Ending in a statement full of whine So disturbing how he can't see the answers He's believing that his moral life is fine Always hoped that I'd be on "Apprentice" Knew that I could fake it if I tried Then when I got fired I could write the gossip So they'll still talk about him when he lies Donald J. Trump: The end . . . Is just a little harder when brought about by friends For all you care this drink could be my blood For all you care this meat could be my body The end! This is my steak you eat This is my vodka you drink If you would remember me when you eat and drink. You must be mad thinking you'll be remembered - yes You must be out of your head! Look at your blank faces! Your names will mean nothing Ten minutes after I've left! One of you belies me One of me betrays you White House staff: Not I! Who? What? Impossible! Donald J. Trump: Jared will belie me in just a few hours Three times will belie me - and that's not all I do One of you here meeting, one of my staff chosen Will see me betray you Reince Priebus: Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who Donald J. Trump: When did you go do it? Reince Priebus: They told me to do it! Donald J. Trump: Sorry, they are traitors Reince Priebus: Do you know why I did it? Donald J. Trump: I don't care why you did it! Reince Priebus: To think we required you For now we despise you Donald J. Trump: You liar - you Priebus Reince Priebus: You wanted me to do it! What if I just shut up And ruined the whole nation? Trump you deserve it! Donald J. Trump: Sorry, you fool, sorry, now go, Save me your speeches I don't want to know - Go! Go! White House staff: Look at all his trials and litigations Ending in a statement full of whine What's that on his head, are you sure it's dead? Then this morning he is tweeting "Life is fine" Always hoped that I'd be on "Apprentice" Knew that I could fake it if I tried Then when I got fired I could write the gossip So they'll still talk about him when he lies Reince Priebus: You sad pathetic man - see what you ought to do. Your ideas die around you, 'cause none of them are true. But the baddest part of all - someone has to clue you in. You're a common criminal, you're a shameless imbecile. A hated mannequin, a hated mannequin, You're an under-sated, over-rated, hated mannequin. Donald J. Trump: Get out! They're traitors! Get out! They're traitors! Oh! They're traitors like you! Reince Priebus: Every time I look at you I don't understand Why you did the things you did, they're so out of hand You'd have managed better if you'd never ran - Ah --- ah Wayne likes to add: We’re losing you White House staff: Look at all his trials and litigations Ending in a statement full of whine What's that on his head, are you sure it's dead? He's believing that his moral life is fine Always hoped that I'd be on "Apprentice" Knew that I could fake it if I tried Then when I got fired I could write the gossip So they'll still talk about him when he lies Donald J. Trump: Will no-one stay and tweet with me? Jared? Don? Steve? Will none of you tweet with me? Jared? Don? Steve? Donald Trump is worried. He knows the end of his term is near though why he talks like he's Jesus contemplating his fate is beyond anyone's comprehension. Maybe it's all the movies he watches on TV. He thinks all kings get taken out of the palace and have horrible, terrible things done to their bodies. THE OVAL OFFICE Donald J. Trump: I only want to say, if there is a way Take this job away from me, for I don't want to Lose such money, feel it cost me. I'm deranged. I'm not so sure if I just farted Then, I was a liar. Now I'm old and fired. Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations I tried for three months, seems like thirty Could you ask as much from any of my fans So, what? I lied. See the #MAGA through And do the things they asked of me. Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, fail so miserably I'd wanna know, I want to know my Dad I'd wanna know, I want to know my Dad I'd wanna see, I want to see my Dad I'd wanna see, I want to see my Dad Why should I lie? Would I be more noticed than I ever was before? Would the things I've said and done matter anymore? I'd have to know, I have to know my Dad I'd have to know, I have to know my Dad I'd have to see, I have to see my Dad I'd have to see, I have to see my Dad If I lie why will it be so bad? If I lie why will it be so bad? I have to know, I have to know my Dad I have to know, I have to know my Dad Why should I lie? Can you show me now that I did not do this for vain? Show me just a little of your omni-racist brain Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to lie You're far too keen on where and how but not so hot on why Alright I'll lie! Just watch me lie See how I lie See how I... lie Then I was inspired Now I'm old and fired After all I've tried for three months, should be ninety Why then am I scared to finish what I've started What you started--- I didn't start this Dad this job is hard, and I played every card I will shake this job of poison Failed me as a boss and made me Needy, greedy, thrilled me 'Til just now, before they change my life Donald Trump isn't as worried as he should be. He still plans to go through with his phone call to the Russians, even though he knows if he's caught it's all over. Thinking like a CEO, he still thinks no-one would have the balls to set him up. THE ARREST Reince Priebus: There he is. He calls him still, the fool! Donald J. Trump: Priebus, must I betray you just like this? Jared Kushner: What the fuck Tell me what's happening What the fuck Tell me what's happening Tell me what's happening ohh White House staff: What the fuck Tell me what's happening (x4) Hang on Boss We're gonna fight for you (x4) Donald J. Trump: Put away your phones Don't you know that it's all over It was nice but now it's gone Why are you obsessed with fighting? Stick to wishing from now on The People: Tell me Trump what you'll tweet tonight. Do you plan to be up all night? Do you feel you've got what it takes? Would you admit that you made mistakes? Do you have what you may require? Did you think we would take a liar? How do you view your coming trial? Have your facts proved it all worthwhile? Talk to us but don't lie to us. You just love the Fox News hosts. You just love being sly to us. You'll just lie to the Fox News hosts. Come on Don this is not like you. Let us know who you're going to sue. You know what your supporters fear. You'll resign and be out of here. Tell me Trump what you'll tweet tonight. Do you plan to be up all night? Do you feel you've got what it takes? Would you admit that you made mistakes? Talk to us but don't lie to us. You just love the Fox News hosts. You just love being sly to us. You'll just lie to the Fox News hosts. Now we have him! Now we have got him! Now we have him! Now we have got him! Now we have him! Now we have got him! Now we have him! Now we have got him! Michael Pence: Donald, you must realize the serious charges facing you. You say you can speak like God in all your EOs, well, is it true? Donald J. Trump: That's what you say, you say that I do. Mitch McConnell: There you have it gentlemen. Now our evidence is complete. Priebus, thank you for the info. Stay a while and you'll see him tweet! The People: Now we have him! Now we've got him! (x4) Take him to Roberts! (x4) Jared Kushner is worried. He knows all of the Russian contacts with the Trump team are bringing down his father-in-law, and he also knows the word is out about his own contacts with them. He strongly denies to anyone that Trump talked to any Russians even though he knows it's true. JARED BELIES Meryl Streep: I think I've seen him somewhere, I remember He was with that man, the Russian guy. I recognize his face. Jared Kushner: You've got the wrong man lady, you don't know him And he wasn't there, no not tonight. Never near the place Police Officer: That's strange, for I am sure I saw Trump with him He was right by his side and yet you belie Jared Kushner: I tell you he was never ever with him Elisha Cook: But I saw him there. He had that bad hair Jared Kushner: You don't know it Kellyanne Conway: Jared, don't you know what you admit You've gone and called him shit Jared Kushner: I had to do it don't you see Or else they'd know 'twas me Kellyanne Conway: It's what he told us you would do I wonder why he knew Donald Trump is beginning to worry. He is brought before Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts. But this isn't the proper procedure for removing a president from office, as Roberts reminds them. They have to get the House of Representatives to impeach him first. ROBERTS AND TRUMP John Roberts: Who is this broken man cluttering up my docket? Who is this unfortunate? Ruth Bader Ginsburg:Fucking Trump, King of Abuse John Roberts: Oh so this is Fucking Trump, you are really quite the chump Your hands are small, not a doubt at all We all know you love fake news, but are you King, King of Abuse? Donald J. Trump: That's what they say John Roberts: What do you mean by that? That is not an answer! You're deep in doo-doo friend, Fucking Trump, King of Abuse How can someone, Head of State, be so cruel and full of hate? An amazing fool, this Russian tool Since you have not been impeached then I need not be beseeched Go see the louse (ha-ha) in Ryan's House White Nationalists: Yo-Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald Donald, Donald, Yo, Donald, Hail, Donald, Yo, Donald Hey, DT, DT, please explain to me You tried every lie, what d'we do now? Donald Trump really has something to worry about now. They bring charges against him in the House of Representatives. Speaker Paul Ryan toys with giving Trump a chance to acquit himself, but the fix is in. SPEAKER RYAN'S SONG Paul Ryan: Donald, I am underwhelmed to see you face to face You've been getting quite a name all around the place Mocking cripples, voting from the dead Now you understand the job's at least worse than they've said So what are you Trump? You're a fake Donald Trump. Prove to me you're not insane, have someone look at your brain That's all you need do then we'll know if it's true C'mon King of Abuse Donald we just don't believe the shit you've pulled 'round here You are all we talk about, it's a wonder you're still here Oh what a pity that you always lie Still I'm sure that you can mock the cynics if you try So tell us all Trump why you're great Donald Trump Prove to me that you can rule, talk about the White House pool If you do that for me I might let you go free C'mon King of Abuse I only ask things I'd ask any TV star Who is it that you have bought that put you where you are? (Ohhhh) I'm debating, should I abort this plan? I'm dying to be shown just how you got that silly tan So if you are not Trump then you hate Donald Trump Seems this Congress went ahead; put impeachment on your head They saw something done wrong. Why did they take so long? C'mon King of Abuse Hey! Aren't you scared of us Trump? Mister President Trump! You're a joke, you're not on board You are nothing but a fraud Send him away to the Senate today! Get out you King of A- Get out, Get out you King of Abuse! Get out you King of Abuse, GET OUT OF OUR LIFE! Reince Peibus is worried his career in politics is over. Everyone knows he was the one who ratted out the crazy, insane boss who was bringing the country down. Strange as it seems, nobody likes a rat even when they're doing the right thing. This whole affair has make it unlikely anyone would hire Priebus. What corrupt politician would ever take a chance that Priebus wouldn't turn them in, too? PRIEBUS'S CAREER DEATH Reince Priebus: My God they burned him, that's what three-quarters did And he lost so bad that they were quick to rid Truth beat him so hard that he was quick to shame And I know forever who he’s gonna blame I don't believe he knows I acted for our good I saved us all the suffering that I could Don't believe our good Saved us all I could Aide 3: Cut the bull sessions to makeup excuses We don't understand why you’re still a resource All that we've feared has been true, he sought vengeance The truth turned against him, we picked the right course Michael Pence: What you have done will be the saving of what is real You'll be un-hired forever for this And not only that you'll be blamed for our effort Pretty damn shitty for one little tip Reince Priebus: Trump I know you won't hear me, but I know I did what you wanted me to Trump I caused my damnation for I was too addled to steer further of you No longer matter to incoming pols I will be tagged to the crime and the moles No longer matter to incoming pols I will be tagged to the crime and crime and the crime and the moles I don't think I deserve this I don't think that it proves me He's insane, he's just insane He's not a king, he's just as lame As anyone you know, he scares me so When I go to bed, will it make me free Will it make me, will it make me good Will it work for me? (no oh) (ah ah ah) My life is in the darkness now My God, this is sick. I've been used and they knew all the time Don! I'll never ever know. Why expose me For your crime, your foul Russian crime? A Grateful Nation: So long Priebus. Poor old Priebus Reince Priebus: You have neutered me X24 The country is still worried. When Washington Republicans are involved, you can never be sure of their motives or beside-the-scenes plans. For all the country knows, Roberts might be working to keep Trump in office though it's hard to imagine how he could justify not removing him. The country waits to see if he sentences Trump. SENTENCE BEFORE ROBERTS John Roberts: And so the King is once again my guest. And why is this? Was Congress unimpressed? Michael Pence: We need your Robe to sentence Nasty here He has a flaw, we need to make it clear We need him nullified - it's all you have to do We need him nullified - it's all you have to do John Roberts: Talk to me Donald Trump, you've been brought here - ridiculed, impeached By your own party - do you have the first idea why you deserve it? Listen King of Abuse. Where is your Russian? Look at this is it not true? Donald J. Trump: I have met no Russians in this world - Untrue, true, true The People: Talk to me Donald Trump Donald J. Trump: There may be a Russian near me somewhere - if I only knew John Roberts: Then you're this king? Donald J. Trump: It's you who say I am I speak the truth and find that I get damned John Roberts: But what's your truth? Is it from InfoWars? Is Alex Jones your only trusted source? The People: Nullify him! John Roberts: What do you mean? You'd nullify your king? The People: We want no King of Liars! John Roberts: He's done some wrong - no not a minor thing The People: We want no King of Liars! Nullify him! John Roberts: He sees no reason - I find him evil. This man is pointless, that's why he does upset you He's quite misguided - thinks me impotent. So to keep you pundits happy I shall blog this The People: Nullify him! THIRTY-NINE LIES SINCE INAUGURATION DAY 1 Trump claimed his inauguration crowd stretched all the way back to the Washington Monument. It didn't. 2 Trump claimed God wouldn't let it rain during his speech. It did. 3 Trump claimed he didn't start his feud with the CIA, the media did. Actually he did. 4 Trump claimed (yet again) that he never supported the war in Iraq. He did at first. 5 Trump claimed he set an all-time record by being on the cover of Time magazine fifteen times. He was only on it 11 times. 6 Trump claimed his inauguration drew eleven million more viewers than Obama's. That can't be proven. 7 Trump claimed he got 84% of the Cuban-American vote. Polls indicate he did not. 8 Trump claimed in talking to Congressional leaders that the only reason he lost the popular vote was because of 3-5 million illegal votes. That didn't happen. 9 Trump claimed he had "received awards on the environment." Nobody can find any. 10 Trump claimed Immigration and Customs Enforcement and border patrol agents “unanimously endorsed me for president.” No they didn't. 11 Trump claimed his standing ovation at CIA headquarters “was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl.” It wasn't a standing ovation. 12 Trump claimed he and the President of Mexico "agreed" to cancel their meeting. That's not what President Enrique Peña Nieto said. 13 Trump claimed his ban on Muslims entering the US from certain countries was similar to what Obama did. It wasn't. 14 Trump claimed the murder rate in Philadelphia was "increasing horribly." It isn't. 15 Trump claimed he got "substantially more" votes from the African-American community than candidate in recent years. He didn't. 16 Trump claimed he was in Scotland the day before the Brexit vote. He was there the day after. 17 Trump claimed The New York York Times lost subscribers because "their readers even like me." The opposite happened. 18 Trump claimed that during Obama's last speech, two people in Chicago were fatally shot. That didn't happen. 19 Trump claimed that under previous administrations, Muslim refugees could easily enter the country, but for Christians it was "almost impossible." That's not true. 20 Trump claimed that giving the world a week's notice of his immigration ban would have made terrorists rush into the country. That could never have happened. 21 Trump claimed credit for getting Lockheed-Martin to reduce the cost of one program by $600 million. They had already decided to do that without him. 22 Trump claimed the Chinese were hurting us by manipulating their currency. That isn't happening. 23 Trump claimed the United States “has the most generous immigration system in the world. There are several countries far more generous than ours. 24 Trump claimed the U.S. was giving Iran $150 billion for "nothing." Actually, the money was theirs in the first place. 25 Trump claimed he won union households. He actually only won white union households. 26 Trump claimed after a judge halted his immigration ban that "Anyone, even with bad intentions, can come into the U.S." Not even remotely true. 27 Trump claimed (yet again) during his Fox News interview before the Super Bowl that millions of people voted illegally. It still wasn't true. 28 Trump claimed (yet again) during that same interview that he had opposed the Iraq War from the beginning. This was also still not true. 29 Trump claimed sanctuary cities "breed" crime. FBI data suggests the opposite is true. 30 Trump claimed Sen Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) misrepresented "what Judge Neil Gorsuch told him" about Trump's attacks on the judiciary. Blumenthal was right. 31 Trump claimed that he never watches CNN, yet he tweeted out criticism of that very same interview. How could he if he doesn't watch it? 32 Trump claimed credit for Ford Motor Company's decision to expand a Michigan plant rather than open a new one in Mexico. Ford says otherwise. 33 Trump claimed Bernie Sanders was cut off on CNN "for using the term fake news to describe the network." CNN says otherwise. 34 Trump claimed the media was refusing to report on "big crowds of enthusiastic supports lining the road" in Florida. They weren't all supporters. 35 Trump claimed that prior to the election, neither he nor anyone in his campaign had contact with the Russians. That is not true. 36 Trump claimed he won more electoral votes than anyone since Reagan. That wasn't true even if you qualify that to Republican victories. 37 Trump claimed his initial weeks in office “represented an unprecedented month of action.” Actually, Obama accomplished a lot more in his first few weeks. 38 Trump claimed (yet again) that Hillary Clinton sold 20% of US uranium to the Russians. That is not what happened. 39 Trump claimed that "drugs are becoming cheaper than a candy bar." I wish. John Roberts: How many lies Donald? Why do you lie Donald? Tell me You've got to be careful - you could be out soon - could well be Why do you still tweet when I have your job in my hands? How are you defiant? I don't believe you give a damn! Donald J. Trump: You have nothing in your hands Any power you have comes to you from far beyond Everything is rigged and you won't change it John Roberts: You're a fool Donald Trump - why should I help you? The People: Roberts! Nullify him! Do your procedure, you have a duty To stop the tweets so nullify him! Do your procedure, you'll be demoted, You'll be reported, nullify him! John Roberts: Don't think I'll help our country's destruction Bye to your want of absolute power I wash you out of your bad position Lie all you want to you Vladimir puppet! Reince Priebus is no longer worried. The pressure is off him, and he can sit around his house wearing a bathrobe he stole from Trump just before leaving. TV STAR Reince Priebus: Every time I look at you I don't understand Why you did the things you did, they're so out of hand You'd have managed better if you'd never ran - Why'd you choose such a racist clime? You're such a strange man. If you'd stayed away you couldn't breach the whole nation Is it real you're for feces in your mass communication? Don't you get me wrong - I only want to know CHOIR: Donald Trump, Donald Trump Who are you what have you sacrificed? Donald Trump TV star Do you think you're who you say you are? Reince Priebus: Tell me what you think about your time at the top Who d'you think besides yourself's the pick of the cops? Bannon was he there in part, did he lead you far? Could your habit prove you're not sane or was that just PR? Did you mean to lie like that? Was that a mistake or Did you know your messy truth would be a record breaker? Don't you get me wrong - I only want to know CHOIR: Donald Trump, Donald Trump Who are you what have you sacrificed? Donald Trump TV star Do you think you're who you say you are? The country is no longer worried. As he is led out of the White House by the Secret Service, a stunned Donald Trump seems to be having a conversation with someone who isn't there. THE NULLIFICATION Donald J. Trump: Pop, forgive them They don't know what they are doing Who is my mother? Where is my mother? Secret Service: (into microphone) Central Base I have Bald Eagle's Nest. (to Trump) If you would step down this corridor, Sir. Donald J. Trump: My Pop. My Pop. Why have you forgotten me? Secret Service: I really couldn't answer that, Sir. Please step through these doors, Sir. Your ride is waiting outside. Donald J. Trump: I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. Oh Pop I'm thirsty. Secret Service: I believe there's bottled water in the car, Sir. Donald J. Trump: It...is finished. Father. Into your hands I commend my spirit. THE END
When I wrote a parody of “Everything’s Alright”, I toyed with the idea of writing a parody of the entire opera. One of the things I did in that parody was to not change any of Donald Trump’s (as Jesus) lyrics, except in the reprise (for obvious reasons.) I had wondered if I would be able to do that for the entire parody – to not change any of Christ’s lyrics – and decided it might not be worth it to go to that trouble. But then Kellyanne Conway, Counselor to the POTUS, made comments indirectly comparing Trump and his team to Jesus Christ. I decided then that I had to do it. How could I not accept her challenge? But as I got further along, it became harder to craft a story without changing at least some words. So Trump has his own words for most of the second half. Some changed for obvious reasons (there is no Mary in this story), and some because it was too hard to resist (“lie” for “die,” “Pop” for “God”), and some were changed for comedic effect, but a few of the original lines stayed even if they seemed out of place. As if he isn’t. And I also reworked the lyrics to “Everything’s Alt-right” to make it fit with the rest of the opera.
This is my second rock opera parody. The first was “Georgie” (based on the rock opera “Tommy” by The Who.) Unlike this parody, in that one (among my earlier pieces of work) I wasn’t trying to maintain a coherent story line of any kind. I was just adapting lyrics to various people in the administration and trying to have fun. I think it came out well. But in this parody, I decided to craft a story line to kind of sort of parallel the original. No one dies, of course, unless you count Trump’s ego as a life form in itself. And I got to have a little fun writing the little intros to the songs.
The list of 39 lies was from an article on Huffington Post. There were also fact-checks done by NPR. I trusted them to get the facts right on those details. But should any of the fact checks prove wrong, the responsibility is mine alone. I’m sure I’ll have no difficulty replacing any of the 2 or 3 on this list that might technically be inaccurate. Nothing of the lies on the list was from his address to Congress (which contained dozens), an address in which he refused to say “The state of the union is strong,” because he wants to “fix” it first. It’s truly hard to argue with the fact that Donald J. Trump is detached from reality. And that should frighten any business people, especially ones named Trump.
No permission was granted by the original authors for the use of their work because I didn’t think I would be able to get it, and because I have no intention of performing any of these songs, so why bother? The original authors, Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, retain full rights to their work. (All additional lyrics are copyright Wayne A. Schneider, 2017.) And should this, for some reason, go viral it will likely cause a spike in sales of the original Broadway play soundtrack. So why would any of them complain? I’m not making a penny off this, so there’s nothing to share with them. And if anyone should wish to perform any of these parodies, all I ask in return is that any royalties due me be paid directly to the United Services Organization (USO); that I be given a writing credit for my lyrics (as well as the original authors being properly credited, of course); and that I get a copy of the video and/or audio so I can enjoy it, too. If you enjoy singing these songs then go for it. I’m sure you’ll be one of the first. 🙂