Pick Wayne's Brain

June 16, 2013

Wake Up, Little Newsies

Our mainstream media has, once again, let us down. Our Fourth Amendment rights are being eroded while the Journalists we depend on to keep us informed sit back and ignore the story. That’s really all this is about.

Wake Up, Little Newsies
Original words and music “Wake Up, Little Susie” by Phil and Don Everly, 1957
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2013

Wake up, Little Newsies, wake up
Wake up, Little Newsies, wake up
You’ve all been sound asleep (more…)

October 12, 2012

Pitchin’ a Lie

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Mitt Romney is a no-good goddamn fucking liar. There, I said it and I’m glad.

Okay, it appears I have said it before. But it’s true. You can see a quick list compiled by Politifact (for what it’s worth), but he’s has told literally hundreds of lies on the campaign trail. And in the famous 47% video, he based an entire answer to a question on a lie. He claimed that all 47% of the people who did not pay any federal income taxes, for whatever reason, were not being responsible for their own lives. That includes the elderly who are retired and living on Social Security, the military who are overseas and putting their lives at risk every day, and the young people just starting out at their first jobs and, like the elderly and the military, not earning enough to owe federal income taxes. It’s not like he said that twelve years ago, it was just this past summer. And it’s not like nobody ever figured out until now why some people don’t pay federal income tax, any competent economist could have explained it in less than five minutes. But there he is lying, again. It seems that’s all Mitt Romney has for a stump speech – lies. Every day, he’s out there pitchin’ a lie.

Pitchin’ a Lie
Original Words and Music by Peter Callender and Mitch Murray
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

The dumb goes up when I go by
It’s nearly over now but here am I
Pitchin’ a lie, pitchin’ a lie
Gotta drive it home, make ’em see the light

It’s not so fair, but why complain?

September 15, 2012

Deceitful Sleazy Dealings

Mitt Romney likes to tell lies. Even the normally polite Rachel Maddow called him out on his lies. This is a parody about Mitt Romney, based on the Eagles tune “Peaceful Easy Feeling.”

Deceitful Sleazy Dealings
Words and music “Peaceful Easy Feeling” by Jack Tempchin
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

I like the way your barking cheerings play
And how my wins confound
And I gotta keep with you as I face to the right
With my million cars all around

‘Cause I’ve had deceitful sleazy dealings
And I hope they won’t yet be found
‘Cause I already pander like a clown

And you found out a short time ago
What a Mormon will do to your soul

February 14, 2012

The Anger

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:18 PM

I thought I was writing this about the Tea Party people, but I can see how some might think it’s about the Occupy Movement. It isn’t. I promise.

The Anger
Original words and music “The Stranger” by Billy Joel
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Well they all have a place they should hide away forever
But they take them out and show themselves instead of being gone
Some are certain, some have zeal, some are sick and some are bitter
They’re the faces of The Anger and we love to spur them on

Well, they all follow those who would disregard their banners
Though they spare no petty grievance there are some who cannot spell
Why should you be surprised that they never show their manners
Did you ever let another see The Anger in yourself

They’re not afraid to try dissent
Every one so loud, every now and then, oooh-ooh

February 7, 2012

Bad Newt Rising

Well, we know that besides Callista, there’s at least one person smitten with Newt Gingrich, and that’s Sheldon Adelson, the multi-billionaire who’s been pouring money into a Super PAC that supports Newt. Early on in his book tour presidential run, Newt promised to run “a positive campaign.” But if you’ve listened to him lately, his old, nasty, vindictive self has been rising to the surface once again. This is the same guy who likes to throw the word “radical” at his opponents, not because it fits, but because it’s one of the “contrasting words” that Newt suggested GOP candidates use when talking about their opponents (see the GOPAC memo here), but who also proposed that they fire all but the “Master Janitor” in poor schools and pay the kids to keep their schools clean because it would teach them what earning a paycheck is like. Note that he didn’t propose this idea for rich kids going to school, who likely never saw a parent break a sweat at a job in their lives, only the poor kids. Oh, and proposing a colony on the Moon by the end of his second term isn’t radical? I can tell you why that would never work in one word: Water.

Bad Newt Rising
Original words and music by John Fogarty. Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2012

I see a bad Newt arising.
I see subtle all the way.
I see girth makes him fright’ning.
I see sad times today.

Don’t let him ‘round tonight,
Well he’s bound to change his wife,
There’s a bad Newt on the rise.

I hear (more…)

June 30, 2011

See Our Best

Well, it looks like the Republicans are putting together another unexciting field of candidates. According to a recent poll, the candidate that Republican voters were most excited about, by 67%, was “None.” In honor of the Republican Candidates for president, I present this song, based on another Disney classic, “Be Our Guest”, from “Beauty and the Beast.” (Another of my personal favorites.)

See Our Best
Original words and music “Be Our Guest” by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2011

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair as the GOP proudly presents…

Your winner!

See our best! See our best!
Put our viewpoints to the test.
Tie a mike around our neck, and see
That we are not in jest.
Kooks for sure, anti-gay,
Anti-anything you say
Try the hate stuff, it’s malicious,
So deceiving and so vicious (more…)

June 19, 2011

Under Their Scheme

Please don’t sue me, Disney. I just wanted to warn people about the dangers of what the Republicans are trying to do, and I thought a catchy little tune might help. This also happens to be one of my all-time favorite Disney songs.

Under Their Scheme
Original words and music “Under The Sea” by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken, 1989
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2011

Sebastian (spoken): Ariel, listen to me. The Ayn Rand world is a mess
Life under their scheme is deader than anything you’d want out there

(singing) The sequence is always greener, in somebody’s else’s take
You dream about growing up there, but that is a big mistake
Just look how their view confounds you, they scare you and want you poor
Such powerful things astound you, what good is they working for?

Under their scheme, under their scheme
Medicare’s deader, not getting better, take it from me (more…)

April 16, 2011

Enemy (The Album Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:15 PM

The same friend who once gave me a suggestion that resulted in “Georgie (A Rock Opera Parody)” recently suggested I should try to do a concept album, out of one that wasn’t originally a concept album. Having just completed “Against The Universe” (below), I wondered if I could do something about Fox News Channel with all of the songs on the Beatles album “Let It Be”. I hope you like the result. I suggest you just pop in the CD, play it through from start to finish, and follow along with the lyrics below. You can decide for yourself which songs are talking about whom, or what.

Enemy (The Album parody)

I did a pygmy by Rupert Murdoch and the Death Panels.
Phase One in which Doocy gets his oats.


December 30, 2010

Against the Universe

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 8:10 PM

It’s getting bad at Fox News Channel. (Okay, maybe I should say “worse.”) It’s like they live in their own little universe and rant and rail against ours, the real one. Actual facts mean nothing to them. Take the recent blizzard in the Northeast. Those of us who understand how climate change (of which global warming is but one part) affects the climate could have told you this would happen, and that it will happen again. The people at Fox (in particular, Tucker Carlson, who may possibly be the stupidest man on television in addition to being the biggest dick), on the other hand, said the blizzard “proved” that global warming didn’t exist. As Strother Martin said in Cool Hand Luke, “What we have here is failure to communicate. Some men just can’t be reached.” But then they went ahead and created Fox News Channel anyway.

UPDATE: For a sampling of the kind of lies Fox News Channel has told over the years, check out this compilation of the lies they told in 2010. (Source: MediaMatters.org)

Against the Universe
Original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, 1968
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2010

Words are spewing out of mindless brains into a microphone
They differ while they pass, they spin away against the universe
Fools of sorrow they destroy the shifting few with open minds
Dissenting and resenting me

December 12, 2010

Their House

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:17 PM

Well, as we all know, our worst nightmares came through on Election Day and the Republicans won enough seats to take control of the House of Representatives. But what everyone wants to know is how will they govern? And that’s an interesting question because Republicans have no interest in governing, only in ruling. But we do know that with their penchant for telling lies, their House will be one filled with deceit.

Their House
Original words and music by Madness, 1982
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2010

Boehner talks the Sunday fest
Cantor’s wired to do the rest
The lies they’re making up will scare
Seems they’re standing in it deep
Bagger’s have a vow to keep
They won’t hang around

Their House, will be riddled with deceit

September 3, 2010

The Tea Party People

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 8:09 PM

This is about the Tea Party People, bless their pointy little heads. They just don’t seem to understand what it is they want. They want the government to stay out of health care (falsely believing we have the “best health care system in the world”, owing to a mistaken belief that individual achievements make an entire system great), but they don’t want their Medicare touched (which is a government-run health care system held in high esteem by these same people). They think they are taxed too high (hence, their “official” name is the “Taxed Enough Already” Party, T.E.A. Party), yet they are currently taxed (at the federal level) at the lowest rates of their lifetimes. Anyway, this is to the tune of Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week”. I hope you like it.

The Tea Party People
Original words and music “One Week” by Ed Robertson,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

They let one speak and he looked at me
Cocked his head toward his sign that said “I’m angry”

July 13, 2010

Another Takes It Apart

I recently came across a very interesting article in the Boston Globe. Titled “How Facts Backfire”, it was about how the introduction of facts into a discussion not only fails to change the mind of the person who was wrong, but it actually makes them dig in and believe what they erroneously believe even more. Which would explain why I’ve had some difficulty getting through to people with whom I disagree politically. Anyway, to give you an idea of what it’s like, I wrote this. I hope you enjoy it. You should definitely enjoy the video, because the tune is quite catchy.

Another Takes It Apart
Original words and music “Another Nail For My Heart” by Chris Difford and Glenn Tillbrook
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

The case was made from out of his end
He did it all with a symptomatic trend
That was derangement

His mind was closed, he did not vote
He couldn’t be bothered, maybe this spoke
Of his estrangement


July 8, 2010

Down in the Foxhole

I truly believe the trio on “Fox & Friends” are doing the nation a huge disservice. Oh, sure, they’re entertaining because they don’t know what they’re talking about. But they’re dangerous because they work hard to convince their audience that they do know what they’re talking about. And their audience (as far as the ones they’re intending to reach) are not the type inclined to do their own fact-checking. For that they rely on Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck. Luckily for us there’s Newshounds (motto: “We watch FOX so you don’t have to.”) So I wrote this parody about the dimwits (and by “dimwits”, I mean Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson, and Brian Kilmeade, in case anyone thinks I’m being vague) on “Fox & Friends”. I hope you enjoy it. (And I thank you, Jane, for your help.)

Down in the Foxhole
Original words and music “Down on the Corner” by John Fogarty,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Early in the mornin’, just about breakfast time
Over on the Fox set, they’re startin’ with no minds
Three dips on the TV, tryin’ to stir you up
Rupert picks a theme out and they all begin to harp

Down in the Foxhole, out comes deceit
Gretchy and the Dumb Boys are spinnin’
Keep it simple, tap the heat

Brian hits the stupid, and people just got to smile

July 3, 2010

Republican Girl

This could really be about any of them. Sarah Palin. Michelle Bachmann. Liz Cheney. Phyllis Schlafly. They’re all out there, so detached from reality. Maybe you can name some more. 🙂

As usual, thank you, Jane, for your help.

Republican Girl
Original words and music “American Girl” by Tom Petty
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Well, she was a Republican girl
Raised on premises
She couldn’t help thinkin’ that she
Was a little more Pro-Life than all else
After all it was a (more…)

May 21, 2010

Another World

This is a message directed at Tony Hayward, CEO of British Petroleum, and to the rest of BP as well. We only have this one planet to live on. Try not to use it up before we can find another place to live. Thank you. It’s to the tune of “Another Girl” by the Beatles. (They give us such great material to work with.)

Another World
Original words and music “Another Girl” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

For we have not another world, another world…

You’re making me say that I trust nobody but you
But as from today well I just can’t say that it’s true
I ain’t no fool and I still say it’s all we got
For we have not another world, another world

It’s deeper than all the spills (more…)

May 11, 2010

The John McCain Collection

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 7:22 PM

This is a compilation of all the song parodies I have written about John McCain. People consider him to be a hero because he survived several years as a P.O.W. I like Al Franken’s perspective. Long before Al became a Senator, he said to McCain, “Well you basically sat out the war.” McCain at least has enough of a sense of humor to recognize that as funny, and he did laugh. But his recent flip-flopping, such as denying he ever considered himself a maverick, have shown him to be a desperate man hoping to keep his job so he doesn’t have to go home to his $100,000,000 wife. Here, now, are the song parodies I’ve written about Senator John McCain (Maverick, AZ). (more…)

May 7, 2010

The Right Ignores

One of the challenges we on the Left have in debating some on the Right is the experience of debating someone who is not working within the same reality we are. It seems that no matter how correct we might be, some on the Right will just be willfully blind to the facts. Their ideology is the framework for their belief system, and it makes no difference to them that this framework does not match the truth. No matter how many experts you give them, no matter how strong a proof you can lay out, if it doesn’t match their pre-conceived notions, they will simply ignore it.

The Right Ignores
Original words and music “The Night Before” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

We hear all these guys (ah the Right ignores)
Proof was in our eyes (ah the Right ignores)
But to facts they’re blind
You can’t change their mind

March 6, 2010

Mister Old and Careless Guy

I am not a fan of David Gregory on Meet the Press. I’ve watched, and I find that he seems more concerned with getting his list of questions in than he is with refuting the lies his guests tell. And the entire show’s format is part of the problem. The guests know they’re only going to be on for a limited amount of time, and if they stall long enough, or simply refuse to address the question being asked, the host will move on to another subject. And when the Republicans controlled both Houses of Congress and the White House, there were always more Republicans on the show than Democrats. Now that Democrats control both Houses of Congress and the White House, there are still more Republican guests than Democratic ones. Why? And who the hell cares what John McCain thinks about anything? He lost, Mr. Gregory. The country rejected his ideas. We don’t need to hear what he thinks because, well, for one thing, he can’t make up his mind what that is, and for another thing, he lost!. In fact, throughout the past year, you’ve let one Republican lie go by after another on the health care debate. I think you’re getting old and careless on the job, Mr. Gregory. And maybe the show has outlived its usefulness as a means of informing the public about the facts. And here’s America to help me say it another way.

Mister Old and Careless Guy
Original words and music “Sister Golden Hair” by Gerry Beckley 1975
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2010

Well I tried to watch it Sunday
But I got so damned distressed
That I told myself that one day
They should cancel “Meet the Press”

He ain’t steady (more…)

February 19, 2010

The Blogging Collection

This is a compilation of all the song parodies I wrote centered on the theme of blogging.

The problem of which I speak in the beginning is directly responsible for the creation of that wonderful blog, TheZoo, and I am grateful to the other Critters for inviting me to join them there.

I’ve noticed that ThinkProgress (affectionately known to us as “TP”) still has a problem with trolls. Trolls are people who jump into a topic and post false, misleading, deceptive or inflammatory remarks with the sole purpose of derailing the conversation so that we waste our time, and the site master’s bandwidth. They often have no rational basis for the things they say. They know that if they jump in and say something like, “Liberals are baby-killers,” they’ll get a reaction. They aren’t interested in discussing anything rationally. They’re just trying to piss us off. Unfortunately, they all too often succeed.

The ironic thing is that while they often accuse us of trying to suppress free speech, if you go to one of the more popular conservative websites (such as Redstate.org) and post something even the tiniest bit critical of Bush or Republicans in general, they ban you. (At least, that’s what some have said.) I guess the truth hurts.

So, my experiences since I returned to the blogosphere inspired me to write another song parody. This is to the tune of The Beatles’ “I’ve Just Seen a Face”. (Original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.) I wanted to have it finished by yesterday, but I couldn’t quite get it done. Consider it a belated birthday present to Sir (James) Paul McCartney, whose birthday was June 18th. I hope you enjoy it. As usual, thank you Jane for your help and advice.

I’ve Just Seen a Post
Original words and music “I’ve Just seen a face” by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve just seen a post I can’t resist
What he did boast and I insist
He check his facts for me,
And I want all the world to see
He lied.

Had he not been so absurd

February 4, 2010

They Don’t Know

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:31 PM

I worry about those Glenn Beck fans who really do believe the inane things he says. They really don’t know.

They Don’t Know
Original words and music “Let It Snow” by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Oh, the people outside are frightened,
And their ire’s not enlightened.

January 26, 2010

Unimpressive Impressions – Elmer Fudd

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:12 PM

People often ask me why I don’t just sing my own song parodies. Well, as I’ve said all along – I can’t really sing. Want proof? Observe. It’s okay to laugh, too. I know how silly I look and sound.

Told ya!

January 19, 2010

Forever Dumb

These Tea Party people, whichever Tea Party they’re in, worry me. As I believe the medical community might put it, I don’t think they’re playing with a full deck. I understand that, at its core, the movement is supposed to be about how we’re taxed too much as it is. The funny thing is, they weren’t being taxed too much when these rallies started. (more…)

January 1, 2010


Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 6:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 01/30/07. I think it helps remind us how racists do not understand their own racism.

I’m a fan of David Brock’s Media Matters for America (I highly recommend it to fans of this blog.) Recently, I got a notice that Ann Coulter had done it again. This time, Sean Hannity had invited Ann Coulter onto his radio show to discuss Democratic Presidential candidates (which strikes me a little like Dr. Josef Mengele sitting down with Adolf Eichmann to discuss important contributions by Jewish people, but maybe that’s just me.) So, Coulter says this:

”When Gerald Ford died a few weeks ago, all of the coverage kept saying, you know, coyly suggesting that he was a mediocrity, that he had never passed any major legislation, never passed any major legislation — which, you know, on one hand, we’re Republicans; we don’t want them passing legislation, we want them repealing legislation — but leaving that point aside, I mean, everything they were saying to point out how little qualified Ford was as this accidental president is surely true, you know, tenfold in the case of Obama. And I do think it does show — it further confirms my point that Democrats are racist, and they’re just stunned to find a black man who can walk and talk. And, you know, not being a racist, I’m not really that impressed with a black man who can walk and talk. I knew that.”

So did we, asshole. And that was a very racist thing to say, by the way.


December 29, 2009

Happy New Year

Filed under: Commentary, Parody — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:32 PM

And why would we say something like that? Well, you can thank long-time New York City anchorman Ernie Anastos. His weatherman had just finished telling some story about a guy who plucked chickens (for reasons unknown) and, well, you can see what happened. Pay attention to his co-anchor on the left. Her reaction is great.

December 27, 2009

Along Comes Harry

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:26 AM

I really wish I knew where Harry Reid stands on things. He’s trying to get a bill passed, just not one that will do more good than harm.

Along Comes Harry
Original words and music “Along Comes Mary” by Terry Kirkma,
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Every time I think that I see Congress making progress something cautions me
And every now and then I spend my time In rhyme and verse and curse those faults I see
And then along comes Harry

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