Pick Wayne's Brain

May 12, 2017

Sign of Your Crimes (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:31 PM

This is about Donald Trump, of course. I don’t think I’ve ever done a parody of a song that was released just a few days ago. I hope I didn’t ruin this really nice song for you, but if you like it, I hope you share it. Thanks.

Sign of Your Crimes
Original words and music “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles, Tyler Johnson, Alex Salibian, Ryan Nasci, Mitch Rowland, and Jeff Bhasker (2017)
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider (2017)

Just stop your lying, it’s a sign of your crimes
Welcome to the final blow
Hope you’re wearing your jail clothes
You can’t bribe the court on the way to the trial
You look pretty screwed from here
‘Cause you ain’t really good

You never learn what’s been heretofore
Why are we always struck by hearing all
The bullshit? The bullshit?
You never learn what’s been heretofore
Why are we always stuck with hearing all
Your bullshit? The bullshit?

Just stop your lying, it’s a sign of your crimes
You gotta go away from there
You gotta go away from there
(more…)

April 29, 2017

Presidenting Is Hard

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:14 PM

In an interview with Reuters, Donald J. Trump, the man who did not win by the largest electoral vote total for a Republican (even since Reagan), actually said, “This [being president] is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.” This may be because Trump did not know that the entire White House staff would have to be replaced when he took office. He learned this when he sat down with President Obama after winning the election. Apparently no one on his campaign staff knew that either, including his future Chief of Staff and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

So I want to send a great big “FUCK YOU!” to every American who voted for this ignorant, egomaniacal, narcissistic, xenophobic, misogynistic, white nationalist, dictator-loving shit stain on the fabric of our society. Read a fucking book!
(more…)

March 22, 2017

A Nutty Day (A Song Parody)

I love Sir Paul McCartney, and I have nothing but the deepest admiration, awe, and respect for his musical genius and creativity, and I would never dare make a claim that I could do anything better than he when it came to music. But there is one rather small, almost insignificant complaint I have (other than the official lyrics of “Live and Let Die” where he sings “And if this ever-changing world in which we live in [sic],” which can easily be corrected by changing them to “And if this ever-changing world in which we’re livin’,” and nobody would know the difference), and it’s that some of his most beautiful melodies are also his most saddest songs. Take “She’s Leaving Home.” Such a beautiful tune, and yet such a sad, sad song. “Cried For No One,” is another one. I love that tune and yet it’s hard to feel happy when singing it. And the third one, the one below, “Another Day,” is another great tune with such a sad story. One of my personal goals in all these years of writing song parodies was to take one of those sad Paul McCartney songs and turn it into a happy melody we could have fun singing. I hope I succeeded. And I hope I don’t offend my musical idol, Sir Paul McCartney, without whom a great many bass players would not know how to play, and I wouldn’t have been able to write parodies of “Lady Madonna,” “I’ve Just Seen A Face,” “Revolution,” (I’m sure he helped John out here and there) “Too Many People,” “Eleanor Rigby,” “Here, There, and Everywhere,” “The Night Before,” “Another Girl,” and the entire “Let It Be” album. Thank you, Sir Paul, and I hope you enjoy this one. Maybe you could sing it for us and give us an even happier tune to enjoy even more, even if it is true. 🙂

This is a typical day in the life of Donald J. Trump, so-called President Of The United States. Or as the acronym that’s most often used on the internet goes, (more…)

March 5, 2017

Donald Trump TV Star (A Rock Opera Parody)

This is a work of fiction based on a work of fiction which, in turn, was based on another work of fiction. The characters are based on real people who may or may not behave the way they’re depicted here, but it would be fun to think they do. This is also a work of fantasy. The real procedures that would have to take place are different, but let’s allow a little license so we can have fun. Besides, I’m just trying to make my made-up story more closely match the made-up story upon which this is based, which tried to more-or-less match the made-up story on which it was based. You can just think of it as “fake news” right up until it really happens.

In researching the lyrics to the musical I found that several versions exist. This is from the one I grew up listening to and the one you want to go by. Its cover looks like this:
jcs-cover-2

I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please share it with your friends through the various media available. Warning: Not suitable for work. Void where prohibited by law.

                        DONALD TRUMP TV STAR
                           A Rock Opera Parody


CAST, The singers in order of appearance

REINCE PRIEBUS........................................WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
DONALD J. TRUMP............................POTUS, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
KELLYANNE CONWAY..........................................COUNSELOR TO THE POTUS
MICHAEL PENCE........................VPOTUS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
MITCH McCONNELL...........................................SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
RUDY GIULIANI..........................................................NOSFERATU
JOHN ROBERTS..................................CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES
JARED KUSHNER.....................DONALD J. TRUMP'S CLOSE ADVISER and SON-IN-LAW
PAUL RYAN................................SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
RUTH BADER GINSBURG................................................NOTORIOUS RBG 


Reince Priebus is worried.  He's beginning to think his boss might possibly be out
of his mind.  He talks to his dead father a lot, and he seems to think he's Jesus
Christ.  Reince is concerned about the kind of message his governance is sending.

                    HATRED ON THEIR MINDS
Reince Priebus:     My mind's in terror now--
                    At last all too well
                    I can see where we all soon will be
                    If you step away, the width of the plan
                    That you'll see's clearly all lunacy

                    Donald!
                    You've started to believe
                    The things you say you'll do
                    You really do believe
                    This kind of job's for you
                    And all the stuff you've done
                    You thought was swept away
                    Will begin to matter more
                    Than the things you say

                    Listen, Donald, I don't like what I see
                    All I ask is that you listen to me
                    And remember--
                    I've been a right-wing lad all along (more...)

January 14, 2017

Everything’s Alt-right (A Song Parody)

One of the greatest rock operas (and one of my personal favorites) is “Jesus Christ Superstar,” a story about a nice Jewish boy who went into his father’s business. (A Jewish friend from the development I grew up in used to tell me that joke.) This particular parody is based on the very popular song from that musical, “Everything’s Alright.” I feel bad because try as I might, I could not find any suitable video, or even audio clip, to post so you can follow along. But it MUST be from the original Broadway musical, and NOT the film which sucked hugely. If you use a clip from that it won’t match the lyrics because they sing it wrong in the movie. You know how these parodies work. Can’t have that. So you’ll have to drag out your CD and play along. Then again you should know how the song goes, especially once you start going through the words. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think, and if you like it, please share it. Thank you very much. Oh, and, yes, the Trump lines are deliberate.

Everything’s Alt-right
Original words and music, “Everything’s Alright” by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, 1970
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2017

Kellyanne Conway
Try not to get harried, try not to log onto
Forums that upset you so don’t you know
Everything’s alt-right yes Nazis online
(more…)

January 7, 2017

Donny’s A Liar (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:17 PM

In case it isn’t obvious by now, I think Donald J. Trump is more than just a bullshit artist, he’s a flat out liar.

Donny’s A Liar
Original words and music “Baby’s On Fire” by Brian Eno, 1973
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2017

Donny’s a liar
Never toes the line he ought to
Look at him laughing
Says he’d like to date his daughter

Donny’s a liar
And we’re all laughing at his bitching
Hating those photos
Oh, they spot his double chin thing

(more…)

December 15, 2016

How He’ll Screw Ya (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:53 PM

The people who voted for Donald Trump have no idea what trouble they’ve caused themselves. Trump never did anything for anybody that didn’t also help himself, even if it was just to stroke his amazingly fragile ego. His Trump Tower Headquarters on 5th Avenue in NYC has become a Mecca for favor seekers and mendacious speakers, including The Donald himself (as he is [dis]affectionately known in his home city.) This is a parody addressed to the ill-educated, short-sighted, bigoted white idiots who voted for Trump. I hope that the rest of you enjoy it at least as much as they’ll hate it.

How He’ll Screw Ya
(Original words and music “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen, 1984
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2016)

Now we know it was no secret chord
That Donald played and it pleased the horde
But you don’t really care for truth now, do ya?
It flows like piss, goes forth from 5th
The minor lies, the major grift
The awful king exposing how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

His facts were (more…)

November 26, 2016

Have You Read The 25th Amendment?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 7:31 PM

In his series “The Resistance” (formerly known as “The Closer” until the election of Donald J. Trump), Keith Olbermann spells out how Republicans in Congress can remove Trump from office without going through the process of an impeachment. And it’s all perfectly legal and constitutional, because the procedure is spelled out in Article of Amendment 25, Section 4,of the US Constitution. It reads as follows:

4. Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

Thereafter, when the President transmits to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives his written declaration that no inability exists, he shall resume the powers and duties of his office unless the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive department or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit within four days to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue, assembling within forty eight hours for that purpose if not in session. If the Congress, within twenty one days after receipt of the latter written declaration, or, if Congress is not in session, within twenty one days after Congress is required to assemble, determines by two thirds vote of both Houses that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall continue to discharge the same as Acting President; otherwise, the President shall resume the powers and duties of his office.

So how would this work? Well, upon returning from the swearing-in ceremony, Vice President Pence and a majority of the heads of the cabinet departments (and it could be the ones still in office on January 20, or even the ones who act as heads of the departments should the heads all have resigned effective at noon that day) could write a letter to Speaker Paul Ryan and President Pro Tempore of the Senate Orrin Hatch (the President Pro Tem is the oldest serving member, not the Majority Leader) simply stating the Donald is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office. They don’t have to give a reason. They don’t have to prove anything. No hearings. No nothing. Just a letter.

Now, of course, the Donald could fire back a letter within minutes (and I’d bet he’ll have such a letter pre-written, ready to go) saying no such inability exists. Within four days (in case there’s a holiday weekend in there), Pence and his department heads could fire back another letter (again, they should have this one written along with the first because it would be needed) saying the inability does still exist. Then the matter would go to the Congress. It would require a two-thirds vote of both the House of Representatives and the Senate to remove Trump from power permanently.

I can only hope the Republicans in Congress recognize the danger of having Trump be POTUS and take the legal, constitutional path to remove him from being able to do damage. He could keep the title, since I’m sure that’s all he really wanted out of it, but he wouldn’t have the authority to do anything. Not that I would be much happier in a Pence administration. Unlike Pence, I actually like women and want to see them have the autonomy over their bodies that men take for granted. That’s even less likely to happen under Pence than under Trump, but at least Pence knows something about governing. Trump does not. In fact, based on his comments on the campaign trail, I’m convinced Trump doesn’t understand how government works at all. He talked as if the POTUS had powers he doesn’t really have. In fact, at times it sounded like he thought a POTUS was a dictator, possibly because a lot of Republican citizens think he is. That’s just projection on their part.

And while it is perfectly constitutional to remove Trump from power (if not office) in this matter, it’s actually harder than impeaching him. Invoking Article 25, Section 4, requires two-thirds of both Houses to remove him. But to impeach him (for Treason, Bribery or other High Crimes and Misdemeanors) would require only a simple majority of votes in the House of Representatives. It would still require a two-thirds vote in the Senate to remove him. But you’d have to produce actual charges and conduct an actual trial for that process to work. And while Trump will be in violation of the Constitution at 12:01 PM EST on January 20, 2017, it will not be because of a crime. Instead, and possibly among other reasons, it will be because he had a group of foreign dignitaries come to his hotel in Washington, DC, and encouraged them to stay there when they visited the United States. In other words, he would personally profit from his job beyond what the Congress provides as compensation. (It’s called an Emolument, and its definition depends on what the Framers took the word to mean, not what it may have come to mean since.) Unless, of course, he lets them and their entire staffs stay there completely free of charge, including meals. Then he might argue that he’s not receiving any emoluments. But does anyone believe a man driven by the lust for money, who campaigned on a bigoted platform designed to make white people feel good about themselves, would let foreigners stay at his hotel completely free of charge? I don’t. And I wouldn’t believe a word Trump said about whether or not he was making any money on it. He’s a billionaire because he says he is. He’s the one deciding how much his properties are worth, not an independent auditor. There is very little that Trump says that can be taken at face value. And that’s one of many reasons why he should never be allowed to be POTUS. Also, he’s a bit of an asshole, but there’s no law against that. Otherwise I’d be in a lot of trouble, too. 🙂

August 28, 2016

The Cheat Goes On – A Song Parody

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:03 PM

This is a song parody suggested to me by an Alert Reader at The Zoo named houseofroberts. (Thanks, house.) It’s a parody of Sonny and Cher’s “The Beat Goes On,” and it’s about (insert favorite insult here) Donald J. Trump.

The Cheat Goes On
Original words and music, “The Beat Goes On” by Sonny Bono, 1967
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2016

The cheat goes on, the cheat goes on
Just keep sounding a victim to their brains
Donny, Donny, deke, Donny, Donny, dumb

Commodore was once the rage, uh-oh
Boastfully he turned a page, uh-oh
The branding crap’s the current thing, uh-oh
Tinyhander is their newborn king, uh-oh

And the cheat goes on, the cheat goes on
(more…)

June 26, 2016

Only The Fools Like Trump (a song parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:30 PM

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but Donald J. Trump is in every conceivable way unfit to hold any public office, let alone the most powerful one in the country. He has zero comprehension of what the role of President of the United States is and seems to think the POTUS does nothing but negotiate deals all day. He doesn’t understand how the Constitution fits into governing and thinks he can just jail reporters who publish things he doesn’t like, such as the truth about him. If he was a reclusive billionaire who tried to stay out of the public spotlight, one could make an argument that printing things harmful to his image might be considered defamatory. Might. But Trump was a public figure of his own choosing and promotion long before he decided to play a joke on the country and pretend to run for president. He’s not really serious about being president, and it shows in the way he panics when pressed by reporters for real answers to questions like, “Are you serious?” and “How exactly will you make that happen?” and “Are you aware that’s totally unconstitutional?” His narcissism won’t let him admit failure of any kind, and so he continues along this ill-chosen path. And millions of fools are right behind him, urging him on, which only makes the problem worse. A pathological lying narcissist won’t go away if you keep paying attention to him.

Only The Fools Like Trump
Original words and music, “Only The Good Die Young” by Billy Joel 1977
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2016

Come out my minions, don’t hesitate
You pathetic fools learn much too late (more…)

June 18, 2016

Can Tiny Hands Handle The Presidency?

A Super PAC calling itself “Americans Against Insecure Billionaires with Tiny Hands” released this video asking if someone could be President with tiny hands.

The group originally wanted to call itself, “Trump Has Tiny Hands,” but were told by the FEC that they had to change it because the “committee does not appear to be an authorized committee of that candidate,’ and therefore cannot use his name in the PAC’s name. An understandable rule considering what people would do if they could. I know what I would do if I could. “Americans Against Donald Trump’s Bigotry, Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Fraud, Mendacity, and General Sleaziness.” My first ad would feature, of course, kittens. I hope the group is able to get its ad spread around, and I encourage you to share this post to help that endeavor.

People like Donald Trump need to be (more…)

May 30, 2016

Will America Elect Yet Another Overtly Racist President?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:11 AM

America is far from perfect. We have achieved many great things in our history, but it has been despite our flaws, not because of them. And among the worst of our flaws is this country’s history of racism and white supremacy. Yes, not just the racism but the white supremacy, too. We on the Left post many words decrying white supremacists, but we rarely admit our country has elected many white supremacists POTUS, and they weren’t all Conservatives and/or Republicans and at least a few were Progressives and/or Democrats. As a Liberal, that bothers me. I want what’s best for everyone, and the color of one’s skin does not determine whether one is a human being or not. But there are many people, white people in particular, who feel this is not so; they feel that one’s skin color DOES determine how human one is. And sadly, these people often get elected to public office, where they are able to put their racist viewpoints into law. A President Donald J. Trump would be such a racist president.

It’s bad enough that Trump lies, and lies, and lies, and (more…)

May 22, 2016

Why Do Donald Trump’s Positions Appeal To You When He Clearly Has None?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:59 PM

We on the Left often talk about low information voters more than they do on the Right, but that’s only because the Right depends on them so much to stay in power. Without the low information voter and the low effort thinkers, Republicans would never have been able to grab onto and retain the political power they currently enjoy and abuse, not only on the national level, but at the state level, too. An informed voter would never vote for a Republican unless that voter was a greedy, rich, selfish bastard who couldn’t care less about helping his or her fellow human beings who are in trouble (often due to Republican policies.) And face it. If you aren’t greedy, rich, or selfish, you really have no reason to vote for a member of a party that openly admits to doing things that help the super rich far more than they help you or anyone else you personally know. I mean, seriously, do rich people need more tax cuts? We are talking about taxing income beyond a ridiculously high point at which they’ll literally be bringing in (not necessarily earning) more money than they can possibly use in their life times or their grandchildren’s, so why do Republicans insist on lying and acting like taxing more of that income will take away all incentive to make money? That’s pure selfishness talking, not sound public policy. And if it’s sound public policy you want (more…)

February 7, 2016

Trump the Lawless

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:53 PM

Over the weekend, Donald J. Trump, the billionaire racist real estate developer son of a millionaire racist real estate developer, told CNN’s Jake Tapper that he would bring back waterboarding (and “worse” techniques). When it was explained to the authoritarian favorite that waterboarding and many other forms of torture are illegal under both US and international law and treaty, Trump demonstrated his complete lack of comprehension of the law, how it works, how national security works, and why subjects are classified at all, by saying he would bring it back by “declassifying” it.

Sorry, Donald, but whether or not the use of waterboarding is classified has nothing whatsoever to do with its legality. In fact, classifying its use would violate several additional laws besides the ones barring its use in the first place. It is illegal to classify something just to keep it hidden from the public, or because it was illegal at the time. For those who never served or never learned the distinction, information is classified (or not) based on (more…)

January 23, 2016

If You Hate Freedom And Liberty, You’ll Love Donald J. Trump

Liberal Libertarianism was something unknown to me when I took my first test at Political Compass. I was familiar enough with the well-known ideologies of Liberal and Conservative, enough to know I’m Liberal while my father’s Conservative. But I wasn’t aware of the “perpendicular” ideologies of Libertarianism and Authoritarianism, the former being how free you think we should individually be versus how much control over your life you believe your rulers should have (and note that I did not mention the word “government” there.) The Liberal/Conservative scale would be an economic one, while the Libertarian/Authoritarians scale would be a social one. Go there. Take the test. If you never have before, you’ll learn something about yourself and how you compare to some famous historical figures.

I just did and I scored -8.5 on the Economic Left/Right scale (very Liberal) and -8.46 on the Social Libertarian/Authoritarian scale (very Libertarian). Like Gandhi’s views only more so. (But not his courage. Or wisdom. Or sheer animal magnetism.) So naturally I would not be in favor of (more…)

January 2, 2016

He’s Trump, He’s Trump, What’s On His Head?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:50 PM

If one were to believe the political poll results published by the scam artists, Donald J. Trump has a lot of support to be the presidential nominee of the Republican Party in 2016. I don’t. I’ve already talked before about why these things should be taken with a grain of salt. Besides the facts that neither the primary nor the general election is being held tomorrow (making the entire premise of many of these question meaningless,) people who make a living following these things say that the vast majority of voters don’t make up their minds until the final weeks before the vote. The only people answering these polls (which is about one out of the seven or eight folks they attempted to survey) have already put forth the minimal effort needed to reach their decisions and concluded that alleged billionaire real estate developer and reality show star Trump would be great for America. Even though he clearly won’t.

For one thing, he lies. One can immediately counter that all politicians lie, and that certainly has an element of truth to it. But Trump’s not a politician, he’s a narcissistic billionaire enjoying one of the biggest waves of popularity he’s ever personally experienced. Not that narcissism (more…)

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