Pick Wayne's Brain

September 4, 2017

Nefarious/Let The Fun Times In

By now you should know who this is about. Enjoy.



Nefarious/Let The Fun Times In
Original words and music “Aquarius/Let The Sun Shine In” by Galt Mac Dermot, James Rado, Gerome Ragn, 1969
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2017

When the loon is in the POTUS House
And stupid are his lies
Then he denies he plans it
And loves to fear his spies

This is the dawning of the age of Nefarious
Age of Nefarious
Nefarious
Nefarious
(more…)

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May 12, 2017

Sign of Your Crimes (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:31 PM

This is about Donald Trump, of course. I don’t think I’ve ever done a parody of a song that was released just a few days ago. I hope I didn’t ruin this really nice song for you, but if you like it, I hope you share it. Thanks.

Sign of Your Crimes
Original words and music “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles, Tyler Johnson, Alex Salibian, Ryan Nasci, Mitch Rowland, and Jeff Bhasker (2017)
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider (2017)

Just stop your lying, it’s a sign of your crimes
Welcome to the final blow
Hope you’re wearing your jail clothes
You can’t bribe the court on the way to the trial
You look pretty screwed from here
‘Cause you ain’t really good

You never learn what’s been heretofore
Why are we always struck by hearing all
The bullshit? The bullshit?
You never learn what’s been heretofore
Why are we always stuck with hearing all
Your bullshit? The bullshit?

Just stop your lying, it’s a sign of your crimes
You gotta go away from there
You gotta go away from there
(more…)

April 29, 2017

Presidenting Is Hard

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:14 PM

In an interview with Reuters, Donald J. Trump, the man who did not win by the largest electoral vote total for a Republican (even since Reagan), actually said, “This [being president] is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier.” This may be because Trump did not know that the entire White House staff would have to be replaced when he took office. He learned this when he sat down with President Obama after winning the election. Apparently no one on his campaign staff knew that either, including his future Chief of Staff and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

So I want to send a great big “FUCK YOU!” to every American who voted for this ignorant, egomaniacal, narcissistic, xenophobic, misogynistic, white nationalist, dictator-loving shit stain on the fabric of our society. Read a fucking book!
(more…)

March 5, 2017

Donald Trump TV Star (A Rock Opera Parody)

This is a work of fiction based on a work of fiction which, in turn, was based on another work of fiction. The characters are based on real people who may or may not behave the way they’re depicted here, but it would be fun to think they do. This is also a work of fantasy. The real procedures that would have to take place are different, but let’s allow a little license so we can have fun. Besides, I’m just trying to make my made-up story more closely match the made-up story upon which this is based, which tried to more-or-less match the made-up story on which it was based. You can just think of it as “fake news” right up until it really happens.

In researching the lyrics to the musical I found that several versions exist. This is from the one I grew up listening to and the one you want to go by. Its cover looks like this:
jcs-cover-2

I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please share it with your friends through the various media available. Warning: Not suitable for work. Void where prohibited by law.

                        DONALD TRUMP TV STAR
                           A Rock Opera Parody


CAST, The singers in order of appearance

REINCE PRIEBUS........................................WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
DONALD J. TRUMP............................POTUS, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
KELLYANNE CONWAY..........................................COUNSELOR TO THE POTUS
MICHAEL PENCE........................VPOTUS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
MITCH McCONNELL...........................................SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
RUDY GIULIANI..........................................................NOSFERATU
JOHN ROBERTS..................................CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES
JARED KUSHNER.....................DONALD J. TRUMP'S CLOSE ADVISER and SON-IN-LAW
PAUL RYAN................................SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
RUTH BADER GINSBURG................................................NOTORIOUS RBG 


Reince Priebus is worried.  He's beginning to think his boss might possibly be out
of his mind.  He talks to his dead father a lot, and he seems to think he's Jesus
Christ.  Reince is concerned about the kind of message his governance is sending.

                    HATRED ON THEIR MINDS
Reince Priebus:     My mind's in terror now--
                    At last all too well
                    I can see where we all soon will be
                    If you step away, the width of the plan
                    That you'll see's clearly all lunacy

                    Donald!
                    You've started to believe
                    The things you say you'll do
                    You really do believe
                    This kind of job's for you
                    And all the stuff you've done
                    You thought was swept away
                    Will begin to matter more
                    Than the things you say

                    Listen, Donald, I don't like what I see
                    All I ask is that you listen to me
                    And remember--
                    I've been a right-wing lad all along (more...)

January 14, 2017

Everything’s Alt-right (A Song Parody)

One of the greatest rock operas (and one of my personal favorites) is “Jesus Christ Superstar,” a story about a nice Jewish boy who went into his father’s business. (A Jewish friend from the development I grew up in used to tell me that joke.) This particular parody is based on the very popular song from that musical, “Everything’s Alright.” I feel bad because try as I might, I could not find any suitable video, or even audio clip, to post so you can follow along. But it MUST be from the original Broadway musical, and NOT the film which sucked hugely. If you use a clip from that it won’t match the lyrics because they sing it wrong in the movie. You know how these parodies work. Can’t have that. So you’ll have to drag out your CD and play along. Then again you should know how the song goes, especially once you start going through the words. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think, and if you like it, please share it. Thank you very much. Oh, and, yes, the Trump lines are deliberate.

Everything’s Alt-right
Original words and music, “Everything’s Alright” by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, 1970
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2017

Kellyanne Conway
Try not to get harried, try not to log onto
Forums that upset you so don’t you know
Everything’s alt-right yes Nazis online
(more…)

January 7, 2017

Donny’s A Liar (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:17 PM

In case it isn’t obvious by now, I think Donald J. Trump is more than just a bullshit artist, he’s a flat out liar.

Donny’s A Liar
Original words and music “Baby’s On Fire” by Brian Eno, 1973
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2017

Donny’s a liar
Never toes the line he ought to
Look at him laughing
Says he’d like to date his daughter

Donny’s a liar
And we’re all laughing at his bitching
Hating those photos
Oh, they spot his double chin thing

(more…)

June 18, 2016

Can Tiny Hands Handle The Presidency?

A Super PAC calling itself “Americans Against Insecure Billionaires with Tiny Hands” released this video asking if someone could be President with tiny hands.

The group originally wanted to call itself, “Trump Has Tiny Hands,” but were told by the FEC that they had to change it because the “committee does not appear to be an authorized committee of that candidate,’ and therefore cannot use his name in the PAC’s name. An understandable rule considering what people would do if they could. I know what I would do if I could. “Americans Against Donald Trump’s Bigotry, Racism, Misogyny, Homophobia, Xenophobia, Fraud, Mendacity, and General Sleaziness.” My first ad would feature, of course, kittens. I hope the group is able to get its ad spread around, and I encourage you to share this post to help that endeavor.

People like Donald Trump need to be (more…)

May 30, 2016

Will America Elect Yet Another Overtly Racist President?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:11 AM

America is far from perfect. We have achieved many great things in our history, but it has been despite our flaws, not because of them. And among the worst of our flaws is this country’s history of racism and white supremacy. Yes, not just the racism but the white supremacy, too. We on the Left post many words decrying white supremacists, but we rarely admit our country has elected many white supremacists POTUS, and they weren’t all Conservatives and/or Republicans and at least a few were Progressives and/or Democrats. As a Liberal, that bothers me. I want what’s best for everyone, and the color of one’s skin does not determine whether one is a human being or not. But there are many people, white people in particular, who feel this is not so; they feel that one’s skin color DOES determine how human one is. And sadly, these people often get elected to public office, where they are able to put their racist viewpoints into law. A President Donald J. Trump would be such a racist president.

It’s bad enough that Trump lies, and lies, and lies, and (more…)

May 22, 2016

Why Do Donald Trump’s Positions Appeal To You When He Clearly Has None?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:59 PM

We on the Left often talk about low information voters more than they do on the Right, but that’s only because the Right depends on them so much to stay in power. Without the low information voter and the low effort thinkers, Republicans would never have been able to grab onto and retain the political power they currently enjoy and abuse, not only on the national level, but at the state level, too. An informed voter would never vote for a Republican unless that voter was a greedy, rich, selfish bastard who couldn’t care less about helping his or her fellow human beings who are in trouble (often due to Republican policies.) And face it. If you aren’t greedy, rich, or selfish, you really have no reason to vote for a member of a party that openly admits to doing things that help the super rich far more than they help you or anyone else you personally know. I mean, seriously, do rich people need more tax cuts? We are talking about taxing income beyond a ridiculously high point at which they’ll literally be bringing in (not necessarily earning) more money than they can possibly use in their life times or their grandchildren’s, so why do Republicans insist on lying and acting like taxing more of that income will take away all incentive to make money? That’s pure selfishness talking, not sound public policy. And if it’s sound public policy you want (more…)

May 14, 2016

The Man Who Would Be Last

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 3:10 PM

Last night’s closing segment of “Real Time” had Bill Maher addressing the accusation that Donald Trump’s popularity is the fault of Liberals. Like so many things Conservatives say, this is the exact opposite of the Truth. But as we all know, in political debate in America, facts don’t matter. They don’t. Regardless of political leanings, when people are confronted with facts that contradict something they believe, they will simply refuse to accept that they are wrong. Most of what Conservatives believe to be true is not, while a substantially lower percentage of what Liberals believe is false. Studies have shown that even Liberals normally willing to be persuaded by new evidence will still cling to about ten percent of their belief system against evidence to the contrary. By comparison, Conservatives are persuaded by almost nothing that contradicts their beliefs, even personal experience. To Conservatives, facts are just somebody’s opinion about Reality. What matters is what you believe to be true. Even when it isn’t. Here’s how Bill Maher (more…)

April 3, 2016

How Both Sides Get Political Debate Wrong

Filed under: Commentary, Science — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 8:08 PM

Political discourse in this country has sunk to a depth I feared we would one day reach, and it shows no signs of rising again anytime soon. We no longer talk about issues starting from a common point of view. Liberals and Conservatives don’t agree on what role our government should have, so any discussion about what it should do is really pointless if we don’t know from where the other guy is starting. According to George Lakoff, where Liberals would see the nation through the Nurturing Parent model, Conservatives would tend to see it as the Strict Father. When you screw up, should the government find an appropriate punishment for your wrongdoing and sit you down and explain why what you did was wrong, with discussions on how to be a better person afterwards, with the goal of making you want to choose to be a better person, or should it just spank you in the ass, lock you in your room without supper, and let you out after so much time has passed saying, “Next time’ll be worse”? Who should be deciding what our government does? People who believe in doing what’s best for all of us, or people who think only certain people should get preferential treatment? We all agree in equality for all, we just don’t necessarily agree on how important that is, or to exactly what “equality for all” refers. We agree in Justice and Fairness, but we don’t agree on how important those morals should be. If we say everybody should participate in discussing Society’s problems, shouldn’t we make sure everybody agrees on exactly what the problems are that we are discussing? Are you talking about the two faces staring at each other? Or are you talking about the candlestick in between them? Both of you see a problem. but what is the problem you both see? There are many differences in the way the brains of Liberals and Conservatives process information. To find a common solution, we must first have common ground. I’m not really sure how that’s possible, but I do know our discussions aren’t getting us anywhere because (more…)

January 23, 2016

If You Hate Freedom And Liberty, You’ll Love Donald J. Trump

Liberal Libertarianism was something unknown to me when I took my first test at Political Compass. I was familiar enough with the well-known ideologies of Liberal and Conservative, enough to know I’m Liberal while my father’s Conservative. But I wasn’t aware of the “perpendicular” ideologies of Libertarianism and Authoritarianism, the former being how free you think we should individually be versus how much control over your life you believe your rulers should have (and note that I did not mention the word “government” there.) The Liberal/Conservative scale would be an economic one, while the Libertarian/Authoritarians scale would be a social one. Go there. Take the test. If you never have before, you’ll learn something about yourself and how you compare to some famous historical figures.

I just did and I scored -8.5 on the Economic Left/Right scale (very Liberal) and -8.46 on the Social Libertarian/Authoritarian scale (very Libertarian). Like Gandhi’s views only more so. (But not his courage. Or wisdom. Or sheer animal magnetism.) So naturally I would not be in favor of (more…)

December 26, 2015

A Man, A Turtle, and Fear of Muslims

Bret Colvin and his turtle - photo Miles Bryan of Wyoming Public Radio

Bret Colvin and his turtle – photo Miles Bryan of Wyoming Public Radio

Bret Colvin is prejudiced. We all are, to a certain extent, and it’s partly a survival mechanism. If you don’t learn to recognize potential dangers by doing some internal “profiling” in your mind, you could get killed. And it works, so long as your prejudices have some rational basis. Bret Colvin’s do not. Bret is afraid of Muslims he has never met. This is a stupid kind of fear to have because virtually any Muslim he’s likely to meet will pose no more danger to him than any non-Muslim would. I’d even say it’s highly likely that anyone he meets who does pose a danger to him will do so for reasons that have nothing to do with Islam. He’s in Wyoming, FFS. There aren’t a lot of Muslims to fear there in the first place. In fact, the mosque that got him so worried he started a Facebook page called “Stop Islam in Gillette” is only the third mosque in the entire state of Wyoming. And it was started so that members of one particular family would have a place to freely exercise their First Amendment right to practice the religion of their choice. They hope to save enough money to build a new mosque (this one is a regular house, converted for their purposes) to which they would welcome Muslims from other areas. It’s the American dream from before there was an America built on consumerism (in violation of the Ten Commandments.) In response to Bret’s FB page, another FB page was started called Save Islam in Gillette.

Since then, Bret has changed the name of his FB page to “Stop Forced Syrian Immigration to Gillette.” (Maybe the little chat he had with one of the mosque’s founders convinced him to refocus his hate and ignorance.) His concern now is, “Well, I don’t want Jihadis in my neighborhood.” Is that a rational fear? Of course not! Why not? Well, for one thing, Wyoming is the only one of our 50 states that does not have a refugee resettlement program. Which means that when the federal government eventually finishes its extensive background checks and interviews with refugee applicants some 18-24 months from now, they won’t get settled in Wyoming. I’m guessing Bret is totally unaware of the procedure for Syrian immigrants to apply for refugee status and resettlement in the US. The fact that Bret is a YUGE Donald Trump supporter makes me certain he doesn’t know what he’s talking about when it comes to immigrants, refugees, and terrorism in general. He’s not the only one with that problem.

According to a NYT survey, a lot of people have a misguided fear of terrorism. Which brings me to a second point on which I’d like to rant – public opinion polling. I am thoroughly convinced (okay, maybe there’s a teeny, tiny chance my mind can be changed in this, but I’d be surprised if the right evidence and facts could be shown me to convince me I’m wrong) that public opinion polling in America is pure bullshit, and there are several reasons for this. It’s not the mathematics themselves, just their application to poll results. Statistical analysis is fine when you’re analyzing actual facts or events that have actually happened. For example, by analyzing the time of day at which people actually had heart attacks, you can come up with the day of the week and time of day at which you’re most likely to have a heart attack. (I believe this was done once and the answer was Monday mornings.) And that’s fine and it’s valid and it makes sense because it’s based on actual facts. But if a bunch of inaccurate days and times were thrown into the results, would the final number really have any meaning? Could you point to this analysis and be confident with the result if you knew a bunch of lies and misinformation were factored into the final number? Opinions are not facts. And worse still, opinions based on lies and misinformation are less than worthless. And that’s what public opinion polls are often based on – lies and misinformation.

For example, suppose I’m an idiot who believes leprechauns, pixies, unicorns and elves are all real and plotting together to take over the Earth from humans any day now through violent acts of terrorism, but I keep that to myself. You come along and ask me a survey question asking me what I thought the likelihood of a terrorist attack on the United States is. Of course I’d tell them it’s high or very high, but do you think my opinion has any merit and should be considered as part of this survey response? Do you think the President should consider my opinion when developing our counter-terrorism strategy? Should he factor this in and order the Dept of Defense to stock up on poison darts to kill the elves? Of course not, because there’s no reality-based reason for my fear. Now replace “leprechauns, pixies, unicorns and elves” with “typical Muslims.” Is my opinion any better? Is there any reality-based reason to believe typical Muslims are plotting to take over the Earth through violent acts of terrorism? Of course not. But the guy asking me the survey question doesn’t know on what I base my answers, so why should it be lumped in with all the reality-based answers and factored into the poll results?

Donald Trump is polling well among Republican voters, but should we really assume he’ll win the general election (or even the nomination of his party, whichever that is this year)? Are we really going to operate on the premise that the people saying they support Trump are basing their views on facts and reality? He is saying things that appeal to people who do not put a lot of effort into their thinking. Do you want a nation’s foreign policy to be based on the opinions of people whose views of Muslims is no more accurate than that of someone who says they believe leprechauns, pixies, unicorns and elves are all real and plotting together to take over the Earth from humans any day now through violent acts of terrorism? I have a surprise for them. My brother’s ex-wife married a Muslim who helped raise my nephews, and I never once feared that he might secretly be a terrorist waiting to do terrorist things. Not once. Not even for a nanosecond. Abraham is a good man and I am even grateful for his being a part of raising my nephews. The men in my family have a little problem with alcoholism and my brother was not immune to this. (Neither am I, which is why I gave up drinking decades ago.) So when Abraham instituted a rule that there would be no alcohol in his house, I was glad because it meant my nephews would be less likely to turn into full blown drunks. But it also meant that they would have a good role model in their stepfather because, like 99.9% of all Muslims, he’s a man who practices Peace. But the people telling the pollster they fear a terrorist attack probably wouldn’t know that.

Here’s something else about polls: You can never be sure how the person answering is interpreting the question. For example, what do they consider “terrorist attack” to mean? Is it a bombing or mass shooting committed by radicalized Muslims only? Could it also be a lone, crazed Christian who thinks the vast majority of what Planned Parenthood does is abortions? Could it also be someone who thinks the federal government killed those people in the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX, and then went too far with a ban on assault weapons? Could it be a white male who wants to start a race war by executing nine people in a church just because they were black? You don’t know. The person answering is free to apply his own definitions of the words used in the question so, in essence, you’re really not getting answers to the same question from different people. There’s too much room for lies and misinformation to enter into the process and, therefore, you are no longer applying statistical analysis to empirical facts. You are applying them to worthless answers, answers that may not have any connection to Reality. Can you still conclude that there are Americans who fear we might be subject to an act of terrorism? Of course you can, for two reasons. One, you don’t need a survey to learn there are people who are afraid of terrorism. And two, given how broadly one can define “terrorist,” it’s obvious we’re going to be subject to another terrorist attack. But it doesn’t mean we have to seal our borders, build a giant wall along one of them, and stop all Syrian refugees fleeing war in their home country. We can’t let fear dominate our decision-making. Because that’s what the terrorists want us to do.

Note: There is no evidence that Bret Colvin’s turtle has expressed fears about Muslims in Gillette, which makes the turtle a better man than Bret.

August 30, 2015

Chris Christie vs. Technology

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:16 PM

In order for Governor Chris Christie’s plan to round up people who overstay their visas to work, he would have to invent time travel technology. And even though it’s impossible to know if time travel really has been invented if you’re not the one using it (if history has changed, so have all your memories), looking at his poll numbers it would appear he hasn’t yet. After all, if you started out doing poorly in your effort to become President, and you had the ability to travel back in time, wouldn’t you go back in time and change things so that you had the humongous lead in Republican polls and not some billionaire with an oversize ego and even worse ideas than yours? Actually I shouldn’t say Trump’s ideas are worse since he hasn’t explained how any of them could work except to say “Management.” But I digress. Anyway, without time travel, Christie’s plan to call in FedEx Chairman and CEO Fred Smith to help teach the government how to track people who have overstayed their visas can’t work. At least, not if (more…)

August 2, 2015

The Unhidden Racism of Donald Trump

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:35 PM

Pelt-wearing Republican Presidential Wannabe Gadfly Donald Trump lent his voiceover talents to ABC’s This Week without George Stephanopoulos when he literally phoned in an interview with substitute host Jonathan Karl. Scrutiny was recently drawn to a tweet The Donald made last year about President Barack Obama. In it, he said, “Sadly, because President Obama has done such a poor job as president, you won’t see another black president for generations.” And there it is. Plain as day for anyone to see. Anyone, that is, except The Donald Himself. He seems to be of the belief that however Barack Obama’s performance may be (more…)

April 12, 2015

Guess Their Home Planets

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:55 PM

Ben Carson is afraid. That’s not unusual for a Conservative, since fear is the primary thing that motivates them to action of any kind. But in Carson’s case’s case that fear is not warranted by anything happening on this planet. Carson is among the many conservatives who believe that all manner of terrorists will cross our border with Mexico with the express purpose of killing them, and only them, on account of we on the Left being their bestest buddies in the world. Courtesy of our friends at Right Wing Watch, at the recent NRA annual circle jerk meeting

Likely GOP presidential hopeful Ben Carson told the NRA’s annual meeting today that Americans need guns more than ever since the southern border has been exposed to infiltration from “radical extremist Islamic terrorists” whom President Obama doesn’t intend to fight.

“When they get here,” Carson said, “we need to be able to fight them, particularly if we have an administration that won’t fight them, we need to be able to fight them ourselves.”

He added that guns are necessary for people to “defend themselves against an overly aggressive government that wanted to exact tyranny in this country.”

But he is also among the delusional right wingers who feel Obama hasn’t done anything to fight (more…)

June 19, 2011

Under Their Scheme

Please don’t sue me, Disney. I just wanted to warn people about the dangers of what the Republicans are trying to do, and I thought a catchy little tune might help. This also happens to be one of my all-time favorite Disney songs.

Under Their Scheme
Original words and music “Under The Sea” by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken, 1989
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2011

Sebastian (spoken): Ariel, listen to me. The Ayn Rand world is a mess
Life under their scheme is deader than anything you’d want out there

(singing) The sequence is always greener, in somebody’s else’s take
You dream about growing up there, but that is a big mistake
Just look how their view confounds you, they scare you and want you poor
Such powerful things astound you, what good is they working for?

Under their scheme, under their scheme
Medicare’s deader, not getting better, take it from me (more…)

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