Pick Wayne's Brain

March 22, 2017

A Nutty Day (A Song Parody)

I love Sir Paul McCartney, and I have nothing but the deepest admiration, awe, and respect for his musical genius and creativity, and I would never dare make a claim that I could do anything better than he when it came to music. But there is one rather small, almost insignificant complaint I have (other than the official lyrics of “Live and Let Die” where he sings “And if this ever-changing world in which we live in [sic],” which can easily be corrected by changing them to “And if this ever-changing world in which we’re livin’,” and nobody would know the difference), and it’s that some of his most beautiful melodies are also his most saddest songs. Take “She’s Leaving Home.” Such a beautiful tune, and yet such a sad, sad song. “Cried For No One,” is another one. I love that tune and yet it’s hard to feel happy when singing it. And the third one, the one below, “Another Day,” is another great tune with such a sad story. One of my personal goals in all these years of writing song parodies was to take one of those sad Paul McCartney songs and turn it into a happy melody we could have fun singing. I hope I succeeded. And I hope I don’t offend my musical idol, Sir Paul McCartney, without whom a great many bass players would not know how to play, and I wouldn’t have been able to write parodies of “Lady Madonna,” “I’ve Just Seen A Face,” “Revolution,” (I’m sure he helped John out here and there) “Too Many People,” “Eleanor Rigby,” “Here, There, and Everywhere,” “The Night Before,” “Another Girl,” and the entire “Let It Be” album. Thank you, Sir Paul, and I hope you enjoy this one. Maybe you could sing it for us and give us an even happier tune to enjoy even more, even if it is true. 🙂

This is a typical day in the life of Donald J. Trump, so-called President Of The United States. Or as the acronym that’s most often used on the internet goes, (more…)

March 5, 2017

Donald Trump TV Star (A Rock Opera Parody)

This is a work of fiction based on a work of fiction which, in turn, was based on another work of fiction. The characters are based on real people who may or may not behave the way they’re depicted here, but it would be fun to think they do. This is also a work of fantasy. The real procedures that would have to take place are different, but let’s allow a little license so we can have fun. Besides, I’m just trying to make my made-up story more closely match the made-up story upon which this is based, which tried to more-or-less match the made-up story on which it was based. You can just think of it as “fake news” right up until it really happens.

In researching the lyrics to the musical I found that several versions exist. This is from the one I grew up listening to and the one you want to go by. Its cover looks like this:
jcs-cover-2

I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please share it with your friends through the various media available. Warning: Not suitable for work. Void where prohibited by law.

                        DONALD TRUMP TV STAR
                           A Rock Opera Parody


CAST, The singers in order of appearance

REINCE PRIEBUS........................................WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF
DONALD J. TRUMP............................POTUS, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
KELLYANNE CONWAY..........................................COUNSELOR TO THE POTUS
MICHAEL PENCE........................VPOTUS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
MITCH McCONNELL...........................................SENATE MAJORITY LEADER
RUDY GIULIANI..........................................................NOSFERATU
JOHN ROBERTS..................................CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE UNITED STATES
JARED KUSHNER.....................DONALD J. TRUMP'S CLOSE ADVISER and SON-IN-LAW
PAUL RYAN................................SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
RUTH BADER GINSBURG................................................NOTORIOUS RBG 


Reince Priebus is worried.  He's beginning to think his boss might possibly be out
of his mind.  He talks to his dead father a lot, and he seems to think he's Jesus
Christ.  Reince is concerned about the kind of message his governance is sending.

                    HATRED ON THEIR MINDS
Reince Priebus:     My mind's in terror now--
                    At last all too well
                    I can see where we all soon will be
                    If you step away, the width of the plan
                    That you'll see's clearly all lunacy

                    Donald!
                    You've started to believe
                    The things you say you'll do
                    You really do believe
                    This kind of job's for you
                    And all the stuff you've done
                    You thought was swept away
                    Will begin to matter more
                    Than the things you say

                    Listen, Donald, I don't like what I see
                    All I ask is that you listen to me
                    And remember--
                    I've been a right-wing lad all along (more...)

December 15, 2016

How He’ll Screw Ya (A Song Parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:53 PM

The people who voted for Donald Trump have no idea what trouble they’ve caused themselves. Trump never did anything for anybody that didn’t also help himself, even if it was just to stroke his amazingly fragile ego. His Trump Tower Headquarters on 5th Avenue in NYC has become a Mecca for favor seekers and mendacious speakers, including The Donald himself (as he is [dis]affectionately known in his home city.) This is a parody addressed to the ill-educated, short-sighted, bigoted white idiots who voted for Trump. I hope that the rest of you enjoy it at least as much as they’ll hate it.

How He’ll Screw Ya
(Original words and music “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen, 1984
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2016)

Now we know it was no secret chord
That Donald played and it pleased the horde
But you don’t really care for truth now, do ya?
It flows like piss, goes forth from 5th
The minor lies, the major grift
The awful king exposing how he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya
How he’ll screw ya, How he’ll screw ya

His facts were (more…)

June 26, 2016

Only The Fools Like Trump (a song parody)

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:30 PM

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but Donald J. Trump is in every conceivable way unfit to hold any public office, let alone the most powerful one in the country. He has zero comprehension of what the role of President of the United States is and seems to think the POTUS does nothing but negotiate deals all day. He doesn’t understand how the Constitution fits into governing and thinks he can just jail reporters who publish things he doesn’t like, such as the truth about him. If he was a reclusive billionaire who tried to stay out of the public spotlight, one could make an argument that printing things harmful to his image might be considered defamatory. Might. But Trump was a public figure of his own choosing and promotion long before he decided to play a joke on the country and pretend to run for president. He’s not really serious about being president, and it shows in the way he panics when pressed by reporters for real answers to questions like, “Are you serious?” and “How exactly will you make that happen?” and “Are you aware that’s totally unconstitutional?” His narcissism won’t let him admit failure of any kind, and so he continues along this ill-chosen path. And millions of fools are right behind him, urging him on, which only makes the problem worse. A pathological lying narcissist won’t go away if you keep paying attention to him.

Only The Fools Like Trump
Original words and music, “Only The Good Die Young” by Billy Joel 1977
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2016

Come out my minions, don’t hesitate
You pathetic fools learn much too late (more…)

April 26, 2015

See Our Best (Again)

With the help of my wife, Jane, I wrote this song parody almost four years ago, and I find that it still applies today. This time the Republicans are trotting out a different cast of characters, some of whom haven’t made their presidential aspirations official for legal and technical reasons (such as they don’t really intend to run for president, like Donald Trump), to beg and plead the Koch Brothers to give them money so they can attack Hillary Clinton, who recently announced that she will accept the nomination of the Democratic Party to complete either Bill Clinton’s or Barack Obama’s third term. Or maybe she’s going to finally finish the work of the president she did once work for, Richard Nixon. This time around, Sheldon Adelson (Billionaire – Israel) will play a major role in the elections, but don’t think for a moment that just because he’s not one of the Koch Brothers that he must be good. He isn’t. He has pretty much made it clear he wants a President of the United States who will put the interests of a foreign nation (in this case, Israel) ahead of the interests of the United States and its citizens, especially those who do not agree with Israel’s policies and human rights abuses. Why he thinks Marco Rubio is that person is beyond me.

For those who don’t seem to “get it,” let me try to explain why this is bad. The disastrous, and totally insane Citizens United decision made it perfectly legal to (more…)

May 14, 2014

I Married a Bloke

This is a song parody I wrote in support of marriage equality. It is intended to be a male singing it. I hope you enjoy it. Complaints can be directed to:

Brian Williams
c/o NBC Nightly News
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, NY 10112

I Married a Bloke
Original words and music “I Started a Joke” by Robin Gibb, Barry Gibb, and Maurice Gibb, 1968
Additional lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2014, All rights reserved

I married a bloke
Which started the Christians screaming
But they didn’t see (more…)

September 15, 2012

Deceitful Sleazy Dealings

Mitt Romney likes to tell lies. Even the normally polite Rachel Maddow called him out on his lies. This is a parody about Mitt Romney, based on the Eagles tune “Peaceful Easy Feeling.”

Deceitful Sleazy Dealings
Words and music “Peaceful Easy Feeling” by Jack Tempchin
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

I like the way your barking cheerings play
And how my wins confound
And I gotta keep with you as I face to the right
With my million cars all around

‘Cause I’ve had deceitful sleazy dealings
And I hope they won’t yet be found
‘Cause I already pander like a clown

And you found out a short time ago
What a Mormon will do to your soul
(more…)

July 13, 2010

Another Takes It Apart

I recently came across a very interesting article in the Boston Globe. Titled “How Facts Backfire”, it was about how the introduction of facts into a discussion not only fails to change the mind of the person who was wrong, but it actually makes them dig in and believe what they erroneously believe even more. Which would explain why I’ve had some difficulty getting through to people with whom I disagree politically. Anyway, to give you an idea of what it’s like, I wrote this. I hope you enjoy it. You should definitely enjoy the video, because the tune is quite catchy.

Another Takes It Apart
Original words and music “Another Nail For My Heart” by Chris Difford and Glenn Tillbrook
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

The case was made from out of his end
He did it all with a symptomatic trend
That was derangement

His mind was closed, he did not vote
He couldn’t be bothered, maybe this spoke
Of his estrangement

(more…)

May 7, 2010

The Right Ignores

One of the challenges we on the Left have in debating some on the Right is the experience of debating someone who is not working within the same reality we are. It seems that no matter how correct we might be, some on the Right will just be willfully blind to the facts. Their ideology is the framework for their belief system, and it makes no difference to them that this framework does not match the truth. No matter how many experts you give them, no matter how strong a proof you can lay out, if it doesn’t match their pre-conceived notions, they will simply ignore it.

The Right Ignores
Original words and music “The Night Before” by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

We hear all these guys (ah the Right ignores)
Proof was in our eyes (ah the Right ignores)
But to facts they’re blind
You can’t change their mind
(more…)

March 6, 2010

Mister Old and Careless Guy

I am not a fan of David Gregory on Meet the Press. I’ve watched, and I find that he seems more concerned with getting his list of questions in than he is with refuting the lies his guests tell. And the entire show’s format is part of the problem. The guests know they’re only going to be on for a limited amount of time, and if they stall long enough, or simply refuse to address the question being asked, the host will move on to another subject. And when the Republicans controlled both Houses of Congress and the White House, there were always more Republicans on the show than Democrats. Now that Democrats control both Houses of Congress and the White House, there are still more Republican guests than Democratic ones. Why? And who the hell cares what John McCain thinks about anything? He lost, Mr. Gregory. The country rejected his ideas. We don’t need to hear what he thinks because, well, for one thing, he can’t make up his mind what that is, and for another thing, he lost!. In fact, throughout the past year, you’ve let one Republican lie go by after another on the health care debate. I think you’re getting old and careless on the job, Mr. Gregory. And maybe the show has outlived its usefulness as a means of informing the public about the facts. And here’s America to help me say it another way.

Mister Old and Careless Guy
Original words and music “Sister Golden Hair” by Gerry Beckley 1975
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2010

Well I tried to watch it Sunday
But I got so damned distressed
That I told myself that one day
They should cancel “Meet the Press”

He ain’t steady (more…)

February 19, 2010

The Blogging Collection

This is a compilation of all the song parodies I wrote centered on the theme of blogging.

The problem of which I speak in the beginning is directly responsible for the creation of that wonderful blog, TheZoo, and I am grateful to the other Critters for inviting me to join them there.

I’ve noticed that ThinkProgress (affectionately known to us as “TP”) still has a problem with trolls. Trolls are people who jump into a topic and post false, misleading, deceptive or inflammatory remarks with the sole purpose of derailing the conversation so that we waste our time, and the site master’s bandwidth. They often have no rational basis for the things they say. They know that if they jump in and say something like, “Liberals are baby-killers,” they’ll get a reaction. They aren’t interested in discussing anything rationally. They’re just trying to piss us off. Unfortunately, they all too often succeed.

The ironic thing is that while they often accuse us of trying to suppress free speech, if you go to one of the more popular conservative websites (such as Redstate.org) and post something even the tiniest bit critical of Bush or Republicans in general, they ban you. (At least, that’s what some have said.) I guess the truth hurts.

So, my experiences since I returned to the blogosphere inspired me to write another song parody. This is to the tune of The Beatles’ “I’ve Just Seen a Face”. (Original words and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.) I wanted to have it finished by yesterday, but I couldn’t quite get it done. Consider it a belated birthday present to Sir (James) Paul McCartney, whose birthday was June 18th. I hope you enjoy it. As usual, thank you Jane for your help and advice.

I’ve Just Seen a Post
Original words and music “I’ve Just seen a face” by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve just seen a post I can’t resist
What he did boast and I insist
He check his facts for me,
And I want all the world to see
He lied.
Lie-lie-lie-la-la-lied.

Had he not been so absurd
(more…)

February 4, 2010

They Don’t Know

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:31 PM

I worry about those Glenn Beck fans who really do believe the inane things he says. They really don’t know.

They Don’t Know
Original words and music “Let It Snow” by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Oh, the people outside are frightened,
And their ire’s not enlightened.
(more…)

January 19, 2010

Forever Dumb

These Tea Party people, whichever Tea Party they’re in, worry me. As I believe the medical community might put it, I don’t think they’re playing with a full deck. I understand that, at its core, the movement is supposed to be about how we’re taxed too much as it is. The funny thing is, they weren’t being taxed too much when these rallies started. (more…)

January 1, 2010

Coulter

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 6:00 AM

This song was originally posted on 01/30/07. I think it helps remind us how racists do not understand their own racism.

I’m a fan of David Brock’s Media Matters for America (I highly recommend it to fans of this blog.) Recently, I got a notice that Ann Coulter had done it again. This time, Sean Hannity had invited Ann Coulter onto his radio show to discuss Democratic Presidential candidates (which strikes me a little like Dr. Josef Mengele sitting down with Adolf Eichmann to discuss important contributions by Jewish people, but maybe that’s just me.) So, Coulter says this:

”When Gerald Ford died a few weeks ago, all of the coverage kept saying, you know, coyly suggesting that he was a mediocrity, that he had never passed any major legislation, never passed any major legislation — which, you know, on one hand, we’re Republicans; we don’t want them passing legislation, we want them repealing legislation — but leaving that point aside, I mean, everything they were saying to point out how little qualified Ford was as this accidental president is surely true, you know, tenfold in the case of Obama. And I do think it does show — it further confirms my point that Democrats are racist, and they’re just stunned to find a black man who can walk and talk. And, you know, not being a racist, I’m not really that impressed with a black man who can walk and talk. I knew that.”

So did we, asshole. And that was a very racist thing to say, by the way.

(more…)

December 27, 2009

Along Comes Harry

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:26 AM

I really wish I knew where Harry Reid stands on things. He’s trying to get a bill passed, just not one that will do more good than harm.

Along Comes Harry
Original words and music “Along Comes Mary” by Terry Kirkma,
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Every time I think that I see Congress making progress something cautions me
And every now and then I spend my time In rhyme and verse and curse those faults I see
And then along comes Harry
(more…)

December 10, 2009

The Sarah Palin Collection

Does the sight of Sarah Palin on your TV machine make you nauseous? Why not do what I do? Just play one of these six Sarah Palin song parodies in your head. You’ll thank me later.

(I posted them with the commentary I had at the time, if any.) (more…)

October 16, 2009

Around To Shout

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 8:34 PM

A long, long time ago, in a college far, far away, I awkwardly sat in on one of my first dorm parties. The stereo was playing “Roundabout” by Yes. I didn’t know much about rock and roll, having grown up with parents who preferred country and western. The old country and western, with the twangy voices and such. Not today’s rock and roll-style country that the younger folks, and even some of the older folks, enjoy today. I knew I liked the song and said so to the guy next to me. He looked at me and said, “You’re normal.” Little did he know…

If I do say so myself, I prefer this version of the song to the original, because my lyrics make more sense. You can actually tell what the hell my song’s about. It’s about Fox News Channel, of course. I hope you enjoy it.

Around To Shout
Original words and music “Roundabout” by Jon Anderson, Steve Howe
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

They’ll be around to shout
The words will make you have your doubt
They spend the day this way
(more…)

October 12, 2009

All The Dopey People

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 3:09 PM

Ever wonder why some people think the stupidest things? Maybe the people they’re listening to aren’t all that smart.

All The Dopey People
Original Words and Music “Eleanor Rigby”, by John Lennon, Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider

Ah, look at all the dopey people
Ah, look at all the dopey people

Billy O’Reilly
Spits out the lies from a search
Of the websites he’s been.
Lives in a dream

Works on the TV,
Wearing his hate that he keeps
In the heart of his core.
Who is it for?

All the dopey people,
Where do their views come from?
All the dopey people,
Where do they all go wrong?

Hannity’s Ego
Writing the words (more…)

August 30, 2009

Give Us Single Payer

Give Us Single Payer
Original words and music “Living on a Prayer” by Jon Bon Jovi,
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Once upon a time not so long ago:

Tommy loves his work as a doc.
Patients have all griped,
Insurance is not enough.
It’s tough.

(more…)

August 20, 2009

Too Many Sheeple

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:05 PM

Too Many Sheeple
Original words and music “Too Many People” by Paul McCartney, 1971
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Too many sheeple tuning into Fox
Too many teaching that a Peace can wait
Too many sheeple fooled into a box
Too many waiting for that Judgment Day

That was your first mistake
You took a lie they made and spoke it as true
(more…)

August 14, 2009

Conservative

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

Conservatives. What are you gonna do? You can’t reason with them, and you can’t take away their guns and shoot them with them. Not that I would want to. Shoot them with them. But you can’t reason with them. They just don’t operate from the same set of facts that we do. We liberals tend to believe that something is true because it can be proven to be true. But listening to today’s conservatives (of all stripes), it’s as if they believe something is true because enough people believe it to be true, regardless of whether or not it actually is true. And it is from this point of view that they debate things. Not from facts, but from beliefs. And it simply does not matter to them if whatever they believe is not actually true, as long as it supports the rest of their argument, they believe that their argument has merit. I admit that you can sometimes give them credit for following a proper chain of logic based on the propositions they put forth, but even then they sometimes veer from the strict discipline of logic and try to use their conclusion as their proof. But since their propositions are often wrong from the start, it makes no difference how reasonable they sound, they’re still wrong! (Or, if they’re right, it’s for the wrong reasons.) And so I wrote this song to them. I hope you like it.

Conservative
Original words and music “Conquistador” by Procol Harum, 1967
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

Conservative, your argument’s in need of scrutiny
And with some devil’s talking points you speak of certainty
I see your litmus paper test
Has long since come to mean
(more…)

August 13, 2009

The Sex I’ve had

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

I certainly hope you didn’t think I was going to talk about my sex life, because that story could fill an index card using block lettering. Not much there. But there is someone whose sex life we can make fun of, and that’s my soon-to-be-former Governor Eliot “Ness” Spitzer. You might have heard he got himself into a little bit of trouble playing with the ladies, if you know what I mean. Expensive ones, too! If it turns out that if any state money was used, which do you think each New Yorker should get? A tax refund equal to their share of the amount misused, or an equivalent amount of time, at normal tax-paying-Joe rates, with the prostitute? That might be a tough choice for some. But I’m sure my lovely wife, Jane, with whom I have been living for twenty years this month since I got out of the Air Force, will give me proper guidance as to which answer I am allowed to choose. Aren’t you, Honey?

Anyway, here’s a silly thing I wrote about our Dear Governor’s little sexual problem. It’s to the tune of The Band’s “The Shape I’m In”, written by J.R. Robertson, © 1970 Canaan Music, Inc.

The Sex I’ve Had
Original words and music “The Shape I’m In” by J.R. Robertson, © 1970 Canaan Music, Inc.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, © 2008

Go out wander, sex in the motel
Come downtown, have to tumble in a hotel
Oh, you don’t know the sex I’ve had

Has anybody seen my lady
If she finds out, it’ll drive her crazy
Oh, she don’t know the sex I’ve had

I’m gonna go down to the District
(more…)

August 8, 2009

Senate Queen

This song was originally posted on 12/07/07

An ode to Senator Larry Craig (R-ID).

Senate Queen
Original words and music, “Killer Queen”, by Freddie Mercury
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

He keeps roaming the bath stalls
In his favored habitat
‘Let me have men’, he says
Just like Marie Antoinette

A built-in sympathy
For closets and secrecy
At anytime an invitation
He can’t decline

D.C. bars for gentlemen
Well-versed in etiquette
Extraordinarily nice

He’s a Senate Queen
Goes prowlin’ toilet scenes
(more…)

August 7, 2009

Story of Your Lies

This song was originally posted on 10/27/07

Vice President Dick Cheney scares me. He scares me more than George Bush, his Co-President. Cheney has been on a personal mission for more than thirty years to expand the powers of the Office of the President. I’ve written about that elsewhere. Now he is trying to ramp up the rhetoric to drive this country, against our collective will, into a war with Iran. Make no mistake about it. He is trying to make this happen, and his reasons have nothing to do with the best interests of this country. So I wrote this parody of The Moody Blues’ “Story In Your Eyes”, by Justin Hayward. I hope you enjoy it. If you have the original handy, put it on while you read this. It’s an extra bonus for you either way.

Story Of Your Lies
Original words and music, “Story In Your Eyes”, Justin Hayward
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

I’ve been thinking ’bout Dick Cheney
And I decided that he really is to blame
For the death he’s brought upon the world
All in our name

And the war we’re in forever
Is the problem of the story of his lies
(more…)

August 6, 2009

Capitol Hill

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:00 AM

Thios song was originally posted on 7/09/07

Well, as more and more people are saying, it’s time to bring the troops home from Iraq. There is nothing more that can be accomplished militarily. The Iraqis themselves have to want the violence to end and to live in peace (as I hope we all would, so STFU Sen Lieberman). This time I turned to the Peter Gabriel classic, “Solisbury Hill” to express myself. (In case some of you don’t reciognize the song by that title, think “My heart was going boom boom boom”. Yeah, that’s the one.) As usual, thank you, Jane, for your helpful critiques. And I can only hope that Mr. Gabriel forgives me.

Capitol Hill
Original Words and Music “Solisbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2007

Climbing up on Capitol Hill
I could see I’d have a fight
Legislators standing still
Need to show ‘em what is right

Here is something I observed
Came up here to have my voice
No one seemed to have the nerve
Had to tell ‘em, “You have no choice”

They did not believe the information
Just have to trust in my persuasion
Iraq is going BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
I said, (more…)

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