F-R-C! See the Real Kooks!

Well, it’s that time of year again. Time for self-identified Conservative Christians (an oxymoron, since Jesus could never have been mistaken for a conservative) to gather together and show the world all the hate in their hearts. Yes, it’s the Family Research Council’s 2014 Values Voters Summit, where the elite will never meet, nor the smart start to take part (according to one of their featured speakers). [Courtesy of the good people at Right Wing Watch. A project of People For the American Way dedicated to monitoring and exposing the activities of the right-wing movement.]

But it’s also the place, for reasons that defy conventional logic, where Republicans who one day hope to be the legal occupant of the White House

Boycott the Super Bowl

UPDATED AGAIN

NOTE: Instead of watching the game, watch Puppy Bowl VI, on Animal Planet, starting at 3 PM ET.

CBS has decided to break with long-standing policy and start allowing advocacy ads during Super Bowl 44 (or, as the Romans would have called it, SVPER BOWL 44.) Well, not just any ads. They have to be “responsibly produced,” which, apparently, means they only want to run ads of which right-wingers would approve.

The Sarah Palin Collection

Does the sight of Sarah Palin on your TV machine make you nauseous? Why not do what I do? Just play one of these six Sarah Palin song parodies in your head. You’ll thank me later.

(I posted them with the commentary I had at the time, if any.)

I Feel Quitty

Sarah Palin leaves her job as Governor of Alaska today. Just up and quit on everyone. Yet, somehow, she’s still seen as the future of the Republican Party. (And a big Thank You to my good friend Zooey at TheZoo for the suggestion.)

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye7PIyIcCro]

I Feel Quitty
Original song, “I Feel Pretty”, Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2009

SARAH
I feel quitty,
Oh, so quitty,
I feel quitty, and flitty and gay,
But no pity
I’m a girl who’s unemployed today.

I feel smarmy,
Oh, so smarmy–
It’s alarm-y how smarmy I feel,

Don’t Hand Those Clothes To Me

So, will Sarah Palin really try to run for president in 2012? Did she learn anything from the last time she ran for national office? Let’s find out with some help from The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”.

Don’t Hand Those Clothes To Me
Original music and lyrics, Sting, 1981
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2009

Young gov’nor, the subject
Of blogger fantasy
She wants this so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there’s nothing
This girl’s a prop on stage
Veep-picking, she’s so close now
This girl is half his age

Don’t hand,

Turning On You

A number of very prominent conservative voices have come out saying that Gov Sarah Palin should be dumped from the Republican ticket. It’s as if they were saying this…

Turning On You
Original Words and Music by Blue Oyster Cult
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider 2008

Wrong in Wasilla
Wrong for this city
Wrong isn’t pretty
Ain’t no good to me

Wrong on the Mid East

Palin Clown

Palin Clown
Original words and music “Allentown” by Billy Joel
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Well they’re giving us this Palin clown
And they’re closing all the reasoning down

The Ignorant Song

The Ignorant Song
Original words and music “The Immigrant Song”, by Jimmy Page, Robert Plant
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Ah-ah
We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the oil does flow

So I Told the Senator, Thanks, But No Thanks, on That Vice Presidential Pick from Nowhere

Below is an actual message I sent to Senator John McCain, via his contact form. Aren’t the Internets fun?

Dear Senator McCain,

Thanks, but no thanks, on that Vice Presidential Pick from Nowhere. I keep asking myself if you could have picked a worse running mate if you had chosen from among the Republicans you beat to win the nomination. And while I would not have wanted any of them to become president any more than I want you to,

Lady McPalin

Lady McPalin
Original wiords and music “Lady Madonna”, by John Lennon and Paul McCartney
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Lady McPalin, standing on your feet
Wonder how you manage to take the heat?
Who took the money? Something else was meant.
Did you spend the money that Congress sent?
Friday night a lie about an airplane