Why Hillary Should Not Continue to Run

As a New Yorker and constituent of Sen Clinton

Joke Time: The Farmer’s Daughters

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first date came to the door and said, ”I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

“No,” the farmer said.

The second guy came to the door and said, ”I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?”

“No.”

The third boy came to the door and said to the farmer. ”Hello, my name is Chuck.”

The farmer shot Chuck.

Casa Blanco

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Though I am heart, a rock and roll man, I have enjoyed a few famous country and western songs, and one of them has been Marty Robbins’ “El Paso.” It’s a nice little melody and I’ve always liked it. So, naturally, I decided to use it in a song parody. This one is, I have to say, pure fantasy. Unlike some of my other songs which are rooted in truth, this one is admittedly unfounded. It’s based on the rumors of an affair between President George Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. And of Bush’s documented inarticulation when trying to speak Spanish. (Yes, “Casa Blanca is the correct spelling, but do you think Bush would know that? Besides, I needed the “o” sound for some rhymes, so there!) I took the original ballad’s story and turned it into Bush’s frustration of being in love with two women, and not letting one of them find out. (Hint: one of them already knew about the wife.) And I have no idea in the world if George Bush ever owned a private plane. But I figured this nation’s tax dollars paid for his flight training, so he might as well get some use out of it. I happily confess that it is just totally silly, but I needed to get it out of my brain. Now it will be stuck in yours. No backsies! But please enjoy.

The first video I posted was no longer available, so I found this other one that has “El Paso” and a follow-up song Marty wrote about the song. I was not inspired to write a parody of this one. Not yet, anyway. 🙂

Casa Blanco
Original Words & Music “El Paso”, by Marty Robbins
New Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider ©2007

Out in the west Texas ranch Casa Blanco
I fell in love with an African girl.
August would find me in Crawford relaxing.
Aides would come in and Condeezza would whirl.

Blacker than night was the skin of Condeezza.
Wicked and evil, the kind I knew well.
My love was deep for this African doctor;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One day a PDB memo came in
Told me bin Laden would strike.

Bush In a Bubble

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What will it take for Congress to do something about Bush? The constant bald-faced lies, about, quite literally, everything. The constant effort on the part of his administration to frighten the citizens of this country (and elsewhere), to intimidate those who object to their policies, and to hunt down and destroy anyone who dares tell the truth about what is really going on behind the scenes. The constant destruction of our country’s good name overseas due to a foreign policy of “Do what we say, or else.” And the constant deterioriation of our Constitution, the very framework for what makes our country so great not only in the eyes of the rest of the world, but historically as well. But if you think the Constitution means nothing to Bush and Cheney, imagine how little it means to the members of Congress who raised their hands and took an oath to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. They’ve stood by and let him do it all with impunity. Not only have they not done anything, but, collectively, they haven’t even tried. Their excuse is that we didn’t send enough Democrats to Congress to impeach Bush and Cheney, so they didn’t bother to try. They say they want to use Republican corruption as a campaign issue in ’08. This is a stupid and time-wasting ploy. They would have an even better campaign issue if they got every Republican in Congress to stand up say that what Bush and Cheney have done to our Constitution was far less of a threat than what Bill Clinton did. But no, they wouldn’t even try.

Here is a song called “Bush In a Bubble”, based on lead song of Paul Simon’s fantastic Graceland album, “The Boy in the Bubble”. I hope you enjoy it.

Bush In a Bubble
Based on “The Boy in the Bubble” by Paul Simon
Words by Paul Simon, Music by Paul Simon and Forere Motlobeloa
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

It was a slow day and the truth was fleeting
To reporters on the side of the show
There was a bright lie, a shattering of principles
The boss at the TV station was tired of talk radio

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

Joke Time: Three Old Ladies

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about.”

Ruining America

Well, you know how I feel about “President” George Bush (spits on ground). As usual, a song came on the radio on the drive home, a line for a parody came to me, and the result is below. (Don’t worry. I waited until I got home to finish it. The second half, that is. The first part was done by the time I pulled into my driveway. Sorry.) It’s to the tune of Supertramp’s “Breakfast in America”, written by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson. I hope you enjoy it. (If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to dig up a great album and play it!)

As usual, thank you, Jane, for your always-appreciated help.

Ruining America (A Song Parody)
Original music and lyrics “Breakfast in America”
by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson, 1979
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Take a look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

Intel Paranoia

They made up reasons to start a war with Iraq, and there’s no reason to think they won’t try to do it again. Here, courtesy of The Eagles’ “Hotel California” is my take on it. I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and the performance is from a 1994 reunion concert. It’s a wonderful acoustic version, with a nice, deceptive intro. I think you’ll like it.

Intel Paranoia
Original Words & Music “Hotel California, The Eagles
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

In a dark secret basement, deep down in a lair
Firm sense of denial, rising up ev’rywhere
Up above on a big board, I saw a red flashing light
My heart grew heavy and my thoughts grew grim, I had to see who we’d fight
There he stood in the doorway, I heard the warning bell
And I was thinking to myself, “This could be Cheney and this would be hell”
Then he pulled out a binder and he showed me his plan
He was bracing for a foreign war to take out Iran

Welcome to the Intel Paranoia
Such a scary place, (such a scary place), such a scary place
Plenty of lies in the Intel Paranoia
Any type of fear, (any type of fear) you can find it here

His mind is ill-fully twisted; he’s got those scowls and those grins

The Panderer

This could apply to almost any politician running for office, but I’m sure that some of you out there will see one of the current presidential candidates in it. John McCain being the most obvious, of course. (What do you expect? I’m a Liberal!) It’s to the tune of the famous Dion classic, “The Wanderer”. I hope you enjoy it. I want to thank my wife, Jane, for her help with some of the words. And I want to thank my friend and fellow Critter, Nwmuse, of The Zoo, for the suggestion.

By the way, I don’t know who came up with the idea for the video, but it sort of connects.

The Panderer
Original Words and Music by Ernest Peter Maresca, 1961
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Oh, well mine’s the type of lie that will make you settle down
Where voting people are, well you know that I’m around
I need ’em so I feed ’em cause to me it’s all a game
I huck ’em and I jive ’em, I don’t even know their names
They call me the Panderer – yeah – the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh well there’s Libs on my left side and there’s Conserves on my right
Dishonesty’s the girl, that I’ll be with tonight
And when they ask me which lie I loved the best
I tear open my coat and show a Flag Pin on my chest

Joke Time: Kittens

George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, “What’s in the basket?”

She replies, “New baby kittens,” and she opens the basket to show him.

“How nice,” says Bush. “What kind are they?”

The little girl says, “Republicans.”

Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket.

Bush says, “Watch this, Karl — it’s really cute.”

They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, “Fine.” Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, “And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?”

She replies, “Democrats.”

Aghast, Bush says, “But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!”

“I know,” she says. “But now their eyes are open.”