Pick Wayne’s Brain

May 16, 2008

Bush In a Bubble

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:38 pm

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What will it take for Congress to do something about Bush? The constant bald-faced lies, about, quite literally, everything. The constant effort on the part of his administration to frighten the citizens of this country (and elsewhere), to intimidate those who object to their policies, and to hunt down and destroy anyone who dares tell the truth about what is really going on behind the scenes. The constant destruction of our country’s good name overseas due to a foreign policy of “Do what we say, or else.” And the constant deterioriation of our Constitution, the very framework for what makes our country so great not only in the eyes of the rest of the world, but historically as well. But if you think the Constitution means nothing to Bush and Cheney, imagine how little it means to the members of Congress who raised their hands and took an oath to support and defend the Constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. They’ve stood by and let him do it all with impunity. Not only have they not done anything, but, collectively, they haven’t even tried. Their excuse is that we didn’t send enough Democrats to Congress to impeach Bush and Cheney, so they didn’t bother to try. They say they want to use Republican corruption as a campaign issue in ‘08. This is a stupid and time-wasting ploy. They would have an even better campaign issue if they got every Republican in Congress to stand up say that what Bush and Cheney have done to our Constitution was far less of a threat than what Bill Clinton did. But no, they wouldn’t even try.
Here is a song called “Bush In a Bubble”, based on lead song of Paul Simon’s fantastic Graceland album, “The Boy in the Bubble”. I hope you enjoy it.

Bush In a Bubble
Based on “The Boy in the Bubble” by Paul Simon
Words by Paul Simon, Music by Paul Simon and Forere Motlobeloa
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

It was a slow day and the truth was fleeting
To reporters on the side of the show
There was a bright lie, a shattering of principles
The boss at the TV station was tired of talk radio

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

It was a lie, Friend, and it swept us through the desert
And unfurled into a circle of gloom
And the dead men falling by their children
The Sunni and the Shia and the systematic doom

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all, oh yeah
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

It’s a terrorist bomb plot, it’s everybody’s fears start,
It’s every dollar borrowed goes to zeroes up in Wal-Mart
Discipline is practical and practical is smart
But we got Bush in a bubble like a baby with a baboon heart

And I believe these are days of tasers in the suburbs,
Tasers in the suburbs somewhere
Official memos with useless information
A tax-free celebration of millionaires and billionaires, and Congress,

These are the days of presidents who plunder
This is a long wake-up call
The way the media follows it is so slow
The way it looks to us all, oh yeah
The way we look to a tattered Constitution
That’s dying from accumulated lies
These are the days of presidents who plunder
But don’t try, Congress, don’t try, don’t try

May 12, 2008

Joke Time: Three Old Ladies

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, but I remember the guy you’re talking about.”

Ruining America

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:03 am

Well, you know how I feel about “President” George Bush (spits on ground). As usual, a song came on the radio on the drive home, a line for a parody came to me, and the result is below. (Don’t worry. I waited until I got home to finish it. The second half, that is. The first part was done by the time I pulled into my driveway. Sorry.) It’s to the tune of Supertramp’s “Breakfast in America”, written by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson. I hope you enjoy it. (If nothing else, it gives you an excuse to dig up a great album and play it!)

As usual, thank you, Jane, for your always-appreciated help.

Ruining America (A Song Parody)
Original music and lyrics “Breakfast in America”
by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson, 1979
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Take a look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

Could we have charges by breakfast
Nancy dear, Nancy dear
We got to send him to Texas
He’s just another millionaire
Not a winner, just a sinner
Make him take a polygraph
He’s a loser, what a joker
He’s playing his jokes upon you
‘Cause he’s nothing better to do

Don’t you look at my president
He’s the only one I got
Not much of a president
He’s doesn’t seem to get a lot
Such a Dumbo, like his father
Ruining America
Like the folks in California
I’m hoping impeachment comes true
But there’s not a lot I can do

May 8, 2008

Intel Paranoia

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 3:59 am

They made up reasons to start a war with Iraq, and there’s no reason to think they won’t try to do it again. Here, courtesy of The Eagles’ “Hotel California” is my take on it. I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and the performance is from a 1994 reunion concert. It’s a wonderful acoustic version, with a nice, deceptive intro. I think you’ll like it.



Intel Paranoia
Original Words & Music “Hotel California, The Eagles
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

In a dark secret basement, deep down in a lair
Firm sense of denial, rising up ev’rywhere
Up above on a big board, I saw a red flashing light
My heart grew heavy and my thoughts grew grim, I had to see who we’d fight
There he stood in the doorway, I heard the warning bell
And I was thinking to myself, “This could be Cheney and this would be hell”
Then he pulled out a binder and he showed me his plan
He was bracing for a foreign war to take out Iran

Welcome to the Intel Paranoia
Such a scary place, (such a scary place), such a scary place
Plenty of lies in the Intel Paranoia
Any type of fear, (any type of fear) you can find it here

His mind is ill-fully twisted; he’s got those scowls and those grins
He’s got a lot of pretty wealthy boys he calls friends
How they planned for the desert, sweet Persian crude
Some planned for revolting, some planned for a coup
Someone called out to Cheney, “Please take out his life”
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969”
And still those rumors are coming from far away
Write them up in the middle of the night, then you’ll hear them say,

Welcome to the Intel Paranoia
Such a scary place, (such a scary place), such a scary place
Making it up in the Intel Paranoia
Don’t you be surprised, (don’t you be surprised) it’s a pack of lies

“People caught in battle, in this campaign we fight”
And he said, “They will all be prisoners here, and they’ll have no rights”
In the bastard’s chambers, they gathered there to meet,
They slap it with their seedy lies but they just can’t see defeat
Last thing I remember I was running for the door
I had to warn the public fast he was taking us to war
“Relax,” said the generals, “We are brought in to deceive.
You can tell them anything you like, but they will not believe.”

The Panderer

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:37 am

This could apply to almost any politician running for office, but I’m sure that some of you out there will see one of the current presidential candidates in it. John McCain being the most obvious, of course. (What do you expect? I’m a Liberal!) It’s to the tune of the famous Dion classic, “The Wanderer”. I hope you enjoy it. I want to thank my wife, Jane, for her help with some of the words. And I want to thank my friend and fellow Critter, Nwmuse, of The Zoo, for the suggestion.

By the way, I don’t know who came up with the idea for the video, but it sort of connects.



The Panderer
Original Words and Music by Ernest Peter Maresca, 1961
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Oh, well mine’s the type of lie that will make you settle down
Where voting people are, well you know that I’m around
I need ‘em so I feed ‘em cause to me it’s all a game
I huck ‘em and I jive ‘em, I don’t even know their names
They call me the Panderer - yeah - the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh well there’s Libs on my left side and there’s Conserves on my right
Dishonesty’s the girl, that I’ll be with tonight
And when they ask me which lie I loved the best
I tear open my coat and show a Flag Pin on my chest
‘Cause I’m the Panderer - yeah the Panderer
I pander round around around around

Oh, well I roam from town to town
Make a promise without a care
And I pander like a clown
With my two-fisted lies so old and thread-bare

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
Yeah, I’m the Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
Let me go

Oh, I’m the type of guy who likes to please a crowd
I lie right to their face, I hope that it’s allowed
And when I find myself failin’ for some words
Yeah, I pop right open that mouth of mine, I fling around some turds
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer, yeah a Panderer
I pander round around around around
‘Cause I’m a Panderer….

May 5, 2008

Joke Time: Kittens

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

George W. Bush and a secret service agent are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it. Curious, Bush asks the girl, “What’s in the basket?”

She replies, “New baby kittens,” and she opens the basket to show him.

“How nice,” says Bush. “What kind are they?”

The little girl says, “Republicans.”

Bush smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.

Three weeks later, Bush is taking another stroll, this time with Karl Rove. They see the little girl again with the same basket.

Bush says, “Watch this, Karl — it’s really cute.”

They approach the little girl. Bush greets her and asks how the kittens are doing, and she says, “Fine.” Then, smirking, he nudges Rove with his elbow and asks the little girl, “And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?”

She replies, “Democrats.”

Aghast, Bush says, “But three weeks ago you said they were Republicans!”

“I know,” she says. “But now their eyes are open.”

April 29, 2008

What Is It Going To Take, John Hall?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:01 pm

I’ve told you every time I’ve met you, Congressman John Hall (D, NY-19), that I wanted you and the Democrats to put an end to the war in Iraq and to hold President Bush and Vice President Cheney accountable for their many, many, many, many (and very many more) violations both of law, and of their constitutional oaths to “faithfully execute the office” they were each about to enter. Neither of these men has done anything “faithfully” since they took office. I thought you understood that! You looked me in the eye and agreed with me that they were awful in their disregard for the law. And you dared to foist upon me your lame excuse, when we met again this past Saturday, about why our troops are still in Iraq and Bush and Cheney are still running around free. You actually tried to tell me that it was our fault, the voters, that you “couldn’t” do anything about Bush and Cheney, because we didn’t send enough of you Democrats to Congress. Well, John, that is bull-fucking-shit, and you know it! You helped the party leadership do everything they could to put off doing anything about holding these two law-breakers accountable because Speaker Nancy Pelosi wanted to use Republican corruption as a goddamn campaign issue to win greater control of Congress in the 2008 elections. The 2008 elections! Two goddamn years away! To put it another way, John, in case it hasn’t already been pointed out to you, she is putting the interests of her party, your party, ahead of the interests of her country, your country, my country, our country. Just like the goddamn Republicans have been doing since they got into power. Are you actually going to try to convince me that the interests of the Democratic National Committee are more important than the interests of the United States of America? That must be why impeachment was “off the table” from the day after the 2006 elections, when I and many other people sent you to Congress to stop the war in Iraq and to hold Bush and Cheney accountable for their actions. If you will recall, I also warned you that if we didn’t get these two criminals out of office, we were going to end up in a war with Iran. Remember me now? I was the one wearing the “Question Authority” t-shirt. You remarked on it and I told you it was why I was there that day.

Did you hear the news, John? Our military commanders in the Persian Gulf are being asked to come up battle plans for attacking Iran. It seems they’ve decided to deem what the Iranians are doing in this illegal war next to their country as “increasingly hostile”. Defense Secretary Gates has said that the Iranians are killing Americans. So-called Iraqi Prime minister Mailiki is going to Iran to confront them and, according to what we are being told, tell them to stop interfering. “If that doesn’t produce results, the State Department has begun drafting an ultimatum that would tell the Iranians to knock it off - or else.” Or else what, John? What do you think the “or else” might be? I told you it could come to this. Move to impeach both President Bush and Vice President Cheney (Cheney first) NOW! Before it’s too late! Every day that you delay is one more day closer to an unnecessary military confrontation with Iran. How many more people will die because you and the Democrats failed to act in time? Do you expect for even one second that Bush thinks he needs the approval of Congress to attack Iran? You wouldn’t, because you’re too smart to think that. So why do you keep allowing him the chance to do it? Because he “says” he won’t? Does he have a track record of keeping his promises in this regard? What are you waiting for?

In January 1983, I raised my right hand and took an oath, not unlike the one you took in January 2007 (almost 24 years to the day after I took mine). We both swore that we would preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Bush and Cheney have clearly proven themselves to be “domestic enemies” of the Constitution, and it is your sworn duty to protect it against not only the likes of them, but them in particular. Well, John, I still feel bound by my oath, which is why I’m writing this. Do you still feel bound by yours?

April 28, 2008

Joke Time: Sunday Morning Sex

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

April 27, 2008

And This Is Because…?

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 7:03 pm

Well, I didn’t think I would find an example so quickly about the dangers I mentioned in my previous post about Eisenhower. [He warned us about the military-induistrial complex, but not for the right reasons.] We are now using the military as a “make jobs” program to boost our economy, but we are doing it under the guide of “protecting our national security interests.” It’s a lie. The US Navy has decided that it wants to re-establish the Fourth Fleet. (I didn’t know they just “dissolved” them; I thought they just parked the ships some place.) The new fleet will be led by a nuclear aircraft carrier to be used “in support of conter-terrorism efforts.” And from which part of the world do they expect the next threat of terrorism to come? Is it the Middle East, where the Fifth Fleet already patrols? No. Is it off the coast of Asia, where the Seventh Fleet patrols? No. The next threat must be coming from, wait for it, Venezuela! The Fourth Fleet will patrol “the waters of the Caribbean and Latin America.” But they wanted to make sure we knew that this move “will send a message to the entire region, not just Venezuela. The focus will probably be on security.” Folks, it is not the security of our nation that these ships will be protecting, it is the financial interests of the corporations that have invested in that region that these ships are being sent to protect.

To understand why our government would lie to us (yet again) and tell us that the next threat to our national security will come from Venezuela, oops, I meant to say, the South American region, you have to understand that it is not our nation’s interests that they are concerned with, it’s the investment of the many huge corporations that is at risk. It is not because of drug dealers and the endless “War on Drugs”. Really, there are better and far less expensive solutions than military intervention, but if we don’t use our military, the economy could collapse. [I highly recommend sitting down some day and going through Greg Palast's great site, for some real education about what our country is doing, and has done before, in South America. He knows, he was part of it at one time.] Many nations in South America are much poorer than us, and they often need financial help to solve their problems. Luckily for them, as nation states and not regular folks, there is an organization established by the world community to make loans to such countries to help them get back on their feet. It is called The World Bank. One of the tactics that the World Bank likes to use is to tell the country borrowing the money that they have to privatize their public utilities. Do they always do that? Let’s see what The World Bank says:

Q: Does the Bank always make developing countries privatize their industries and assets?

A: No, our advice is shaped by the needs and circumstances of each country. In some cases, state-owned industries are propped up with public funds that could be better used to improve health care, hire new teachers or build roads. Each country is different, and therefore we assess a country according to its own circumstances and tailor our advice to best implement the policies the country has laid out for economic and social development.

Not always, but sometimes they do, and lately they’ve been doing it a lot. (As you learn more about what they do, it will become clearer why such a disgusting person as Paul Wolfowitz was picked to head the World Bank, for a while.) But they don’t simply make the countries privatize their assets, they make them sell them to foreign investors. They are not allowed to buy them, nor are they permitted to let local citizens, who may be wealthy businessmen already, buy the assets. So whatever the country had that was worth selling, the money is going outside the country, and it doesn’t count as payback for the loan. They still have to come up with the money, but now they have nothing to sell to get it, because the World Bank made them give it away to foreigners.

In a nutshell, that’s what the World Bank was doing to some of the South American countries. Now, believe it or not, Venezuela is sitting on HUGE oil reserves, estimated to be five times the size of the ones in Saudi Arabia. The problem is that it is not the light, sweet crude like they have in the ME, that’s much easier to purify and refine. It’s the really heavy crude, and it isn’t economically feasible to drill for it unless you are going to get at least $50 per barrel for it. Have you heard what the price of oil is lately? Now it is economically feasible to go get that oil, beause you can still make a profit on it. And Hugo Chavez’s country is getting a lot of money for it. So much money, in fact, that he has gone around and helped get his South American neighbors out of the debt of the World Bank’s crushing loans. This is not making the World Bank happy. Banks of any kind don’t like it when you pay back your loans early, because they make less money in interest from it if you do. (That’s precisely why they only want about 2% of your credit card balance each month as a minumum payment, so you’ll end up paying more in finance charges.) In fact, Chavez is using his nation’s new found wealth to make the entire continent less dependent on the United States and its corporations. And this does not sit well with the greedy corporations of America. They want Chavez out of power.

Hence, the Fourth Fleet.

Picking My Brain 08-04-27

Filed under: Brain Pickings — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:31 pm

So are the Mets interested in winning this year or not? Should I be investing a lot of emotion into following them all the way to the end of the season? Or should I just turn off the TV and wait for football season to start?

Craig Ferguson was fantastic at last night’s White House Correspondents Association’s Dinner last night. Go to C-SPAN to find the video of it. And I must admit that Bush was pretty funny, too.

Commercials as I’ve seen it on TV:
Announcer: Did you know that one in three men will experience prostate problems at least once in their lifetime?
Man: One in three?
Announcer: Yes, the other two will be dead by then.

David Attenborough, Nature Documentary Narrator: We’re here to observe a fascinating creature, the Geico Gekko, which has the remarkable ability to save people money on their car insurance. Let’s watch.
(cut to Geico Gekko, standing on top of an old woman, punching her, yelling)
Gekko: Where’s my money? Where’s my money, Mary? (punch) Where is it? You told me you’d have it today! (punch, punch)
Mary, between sobs: I told you I don’t have it yet. (gets slapped) Please stop hurting me.
Gekko: Don’t lie to me, Mary! I saw your Social Security check in your mail box this morning! (punch, punch)
Attenborough: Fascinating.
Okay, so maybe they showed a slightly different version in your area.

I’m fascinated by some of the reaction to my opinion post that the police should not be allowed to use deadly force when no actual danger exists but what is in their minds. People seem to want to jump at the chance to allow the police to use deadly force at, what is for all intents and purposes, their own discretion. I do not understand it

That’s it for this edition of Picking My Brain. Join us next time when we hear Sandy Duncan say, “Aw, crap, has anybody seen my eye? It popped out again!”

Eisenhower Was Right But For The Wrong Reasons

In his farewell address of 1961, President Dwight D. Eisenhower famously warned of a build-up of the “military-industrial comlpex.” He was right in that we be concerned about it, but the reasons we should have heeded his warning were not the ones he stated in his address. Eisenhower was concerned that so much of our annual budget would be devoted to the military-industrial complex, it might gain so much power that it could threaten the peace around the world. He also warned that it might one day dominate the scientific and academic world, to the point where government contracts replaced intellectual curiosity. Stranger still, he also feared that scientists might try to take over the world.

Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientific-technological elite.

You have to remember, it was the Fifties. Once the mysterious world of Radiation became common knowledge, the public tended to mistrust scientists. But after Kennedy pointed them toward the moon and said, “Look, something shiny,” they became heroes to the public. Even the ones that used to work for the Nazis. It turns out that the evils the military-industrial complex produced were unforeseen by Ike. “The United States finds itself in the anomalous position of being unable to pay for its own elevated living standards or its wasteful, overly large military establishment.”

In a great column on AlterNet, author Chalmers Johnson warns that, among other things, we have placed our economic trust in “Military Keynesianism”, described as “the mistaken belief that public policies focused on frequent wars, huge expenditures on weapons and munitions, and large standing armies can indefinitely sustain a wealthy capitalist economy. The opposite is actually true.” Also, we are spending “insane amounts of money” on defense projects that have no relation to national defense. But at the same time, we are keeping the tax burden on the richest among us at “strikingly low levels.” (Remember, before Bush, no civilization in the history of mankind lowered taxes during a time of war.) And finally, with our “devotion to militarism”, we are neglecting the other things that the money could have been spent on. Our infrastructure is crumbling; our education system is producing “graduates” that don’t know the first thing about the rest of the world; we fail to provide health care to our citizens while remaining one of the biggest polluters in the world (not the biggest, but more than our “fair share”) and “[m]ost important, we have lost our competitiveness as a manufacturer for civilian needs, an infinitely more efficient use of scarce resources than arms manufacturing.”

All of this points toward an economic disaster unlike any other we have faced in our history. The constant borrowing to supoprt the military-industrial complex cannot be sustained. The customer base will eventually dry up, as everyone is either killed or too weary to fight. Eventually, they will need to be turned toward something else, something that produces something useful. At one point, we had more than 30,000 nuclear warheads in our stockpile (none of which were actually used in combat). They were not only a deterrent to our political enemies, they were also a jobs program for the federal government, designed to keep the economy moving. Between 1946 and 1969, our nation spent one trillion dollars on our defense budgets. In 2008 alone, we will spend more than one trillion dollars. And what will be left of that money when the year is over, besides broken minds, bodies, and lives?

But one phrase in Mr. Johnson’s great article caught my eye, and it makes me wonder.

Its government no longer even attempts to reduce the ruinous expenses of maintaining huge standing armies, replacing the equipment that seven years of wars have destroyed or worn out, or preparing for a war in outer space against unknown adversaries. Instead, the Bush administration puts off these costs for future generations to pay or repudiate.

Wait a minute. Did I read that right? What was that about outer space?

Its government no longer even attempts to reduce the ruinous expenses of…preparing for a war in outer space against unknown adversaries.

Is he saying that we have, for some time now, been “preparing for a war in outer space against unknown adversaries”? Can I ask why? I mean, what has given them the idea that there are “unknown adversaries” that we may have to fight in “outer space”? And if they have solid reason to believe that such an “unknown adversary” really does exist out there, and that it may have intentions to attack us, then why have they stopped spending money to prepare for “a war in outer space”?

What’s going on here? There is a popular TV show about aliens who have attacked our planet and continue to do so (called Stargate SG-1), and they have built up an entire, virtually believable storyline and history abut how we got to this place (provided you are ready to accept the idea that we are not alone in the universe, and that humanoid creatures from other planets may possibly have visited us long ago.) Forget about the other details for now (other than that it is a great show, and I want to thank an old friend from my college days, Leo Henny, for turning me on to it. Thanks, Leo.) What I have noticed about the show (and its excellent sequel, Stargate Atlantis) is the level of cooperation between the producers of the show and the United States Air Force (my personal favorite branch, thank you.) You see, if the DoD does not like the way they or its members are portrayed, they will not allow the producers of the movie (or show) to use military uniforms that would pass for authentic, nor the use of its actual flag, emblem, rank insignia, military decorations, and other designs in the actors’ costumes and the set designs unless they really, really, really liked the show. That level of cooperation could not be done on a casual basis, and would require at least one officer assigned to it full time. (They might decide to improvise and change the script, and the Air Force wouldn’t want them to imply that they would act in an improper way to a “situation”, so a liason would have to be available at a moment’s notice.)

This show is so well done and the stories so good, that you might swear you were following an actual Air Force team of off-world explorers. They even had the real Chief of Staff of the US Air Force appear in an episode as himself. As much as I love the idea that they were able to go to such lengths to make it look authentic, I have to wonder why? (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a really bad movie involving military personnel that had such inauthentic “uniforms” that I had to assume it was a tongue-in-cheek movie. This show looks like the real thing.) They even had a show (and a follow-up) about a Hollywood show based on their actual exploits which the Air Force allowed to go forward as a source of plausible deniablility should word of the Stargate program leak out. They could just say, “That was just a television show.” (Even though it was very close to factually correct.) But it is just a TV show, isn’t it? I mean , why go to all this trouble just to make a TV show about a fictional team of off-world explorers who have saved the Earth from several alien attacks (without our knowledge) look authentic? Why let the highest ranking officer within the Air Force appear on the show as himself? Is there a reason that authenticity was that important? And might it have something to do with “preparing for a war in outer space against unknown adversaries”?

April 26, 2008

When the Army Won’t Defend Religious Freedom

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 2:57 pm

Though raised a Christian, Army Specialist Jeremy Hall, while stationed in Iraq, came to have different beliefs about the existence of God. He became an atheist. Little did he realize that while he, along with every other person who serves in our military forces, took an oath to support and defend the Constitution, some who took that oath did not take it to mean they had to support not having any religion at all. Specialist Hall had to be transferred out of Iraq due to threats he received because of his atheism. Even at his new assignment, Fort Riley, Kansas, the threats and intimidation continued. What I want to know is, how could so many people be ignorant about what religious freedom means?

When Specialist Jeremy Hall held a meeting last July for atheists and freethinkers at Camp Speicher in Iraq, he was excited, he said, to see an officer attending.

But minutes into the talk, the officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, began to berate Specialist Hall and another soldier about atheism, Specialist Hall wrote in a sworn statement. “People like you are not holding up the Constitution and are going against what the founding fathers, who were Christians, wanted for America!” Major Welborn said, according to the statement.
I’m sorry to have to say this about a United States military officer, but Maj Welborn doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. He’s wrong about the constitution, and he’s wrong about the founding fathers. The constitution guarantees us that the government cannot interfere with the free exercise of our religious beliefs. If those beliefs happen to include the belief that there is no God, then it is your constitutional right to have and practice those beliefs. Anyone who tells you that you have to believe in God (especially that you have to believe that Jesus was the son of God) is infringing on your right to freely practice your religious beliefs the same as if they started telling you that you had to worship Ra. And as for the founding fathers, it is well-known that they were Deists, not Christians, and that the United States was founded as a secular nation. They most certainly did not want for this country to become a Christian nation. Some of them didn’t really want any organized religion at all, leaving people to worship the God of their choice in their own ways.

Even after Specialist Hall was transferred stateside, the harrassment continued. An NCO approached him and “without provocation, threatened to ‘bust him in the mouth.’ Another sergeant allegedly told Specialist Hall that as an atheist, he was not entitled to religious freedom because he had no religion.” Where is our military finding these people? Where were these people educated about the constitution, our founding fathers, and religious freedom? Do they honestly believe that “the free exercise of religion” means that you must pick a religion and exercise it? Why doesn’t it also mean the freedom to not choose any religion at all, or to adhere to a belief system that involves no reliance on deities (such as Humanism)? Are these beliefs not protected under the First Amendment? If not, why not? The whole point of saying that the government could make no law respecting an establishment of religion was that no one was supposed to be telling you what to think about God. By telling a soldier that his belief that there is no God is not protected by the constitution is to completely misunderstand what religious freedom and our nation’s founding were all about. Ours was the first nation in modern times to not have an official religion. Up until that point, in every other country, the official religion was that of the head of state, whoever he or she was. If you did not worship according to that religion, there were often consequences (sometimes deadly). Our founding fathers said that this was wrong, and that all people should be free to worship as they see fit, and that includes the right to not worship any deity at all.

You have just as much right to be an atheist in this country as you do to be a Christian.

Congress Critter On My Corner

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 12:21 pm

Today, as part of his ongoing “Congress On Your Corner” program, my US Representative, John Hall (D, NY-19), was at our local post office to listen to constituent views and help people who need the help of their Congressman. I was willing to wait until he had helped all of the people who actually needed their congressman’s help, but one of the people helping him out insisted that I get in line to speak to him. So I did. And I have to say I was thoroughly dissatisfied with his responses.

I reminded him that when I met him two years ago, I told him that the two most important things to me were ending the war in Iraq, and holding the president and vice president accountable for their many violations of the constitution. And while I appreciate all that he has done, I was disappointed that he and his fellow Democrats have failed to do those two things. His reply, to both of these issues, was, essentially, that the Democrats didn’t have enough votes. That’s a weak excuse. I told him that that didn’t mean they couldn’t try, but they acquiesced on virtually everything when it came to the war. He corrected me and pointed out that the president had, at one point, wanted money for nuclear weapons development (bunker buster bombs?) and that they had managed to strip that out of the bill completely. It is no longer being considered. While that’s all well and good, that hardly required courage. It was a no-brainer (which would seem to explain why the president thought it was a good idea - he is an acerebralist, and has no brain), and a lot of people in Congress would be out looking for work next year if they did pass it. He also started going into a spiel about all the things they have done, and they are good things, and some of them even benefitted our local area. But that’s not the point. On the two most important issues, the two issues that are the primary reasons why the people threw the Republicans out of power and installed the Democrats, they were missing in action. Not only do Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid still allow votes to come to the floor that contain any funding at all for the war in Iraq, but they have both decided not to bother with impeaching the president or vice president at all. It is this very Do-Nothing-And-Hope-He-Doesn’t-Start-Another-War style of Constitutional Accountability that has failed the American people.

Congressman Hall’s excuse that they didn’t have the votes is just a way of shifting blame for their inaction away from themselves and onto the American people - we didn’t send enough of them to DC, so they couldn’t do anything. Well, Mr. Hall, I call bullshit on you. I might be able to accept that if the Democrats tried harder, but they refused to. The Democrats should have introduced bills every week to end the war and impeach the president and vice president. They should have forced every Republican in Congress to stand up and say why they think it’s okay for a president to issue signing statements along with the bills he signs into law that say he won’t obey the law he just signed; why it’s okay to constantly lie to the American people about the threats we face just so he can have his own way; why it’s okay to continue to wage a war at enormous cost to us in blood and treasure that was started on false pretenses, and has no justification for continuing to be waged today; and why the interests of corporations should supercede the interests of the people. But they wouldn’t. Because they didn’t have enough votes to override a certain presidential veto. So they didn’t try.

This is not what I would call “supporting and defending the Constitution of the United States.” I would, in fact, consider what the Democrats have been doing to be “aiding and abetting those who would harm it.” I am very dissatisfied with the job the Democrats have done and said as much. I told Mr. Hall that unless he gets the nomination of another party, such as the Working For Families Party, I would not vote for him. And, Mr. Hall? I mean that.

April 25, 2008

The Police Should Not Use Deadly Force For Imaginary Reasons

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:06 pm

The acquittal of three New York City police officers in the execution of Sean Bell (he was shot fifty times, with one officer firing thirty-one times) raises some very serious questions for me. In this case, as in many similar previous cases (around the country, not just in New York City), the justification allowed by the police rests entirely on what they imagined was happening, not what actually was happening. Though the details of this case don’t matter, it turns out that the police had reason to believe that someone at the party had a gun. Does that justify mortally firing at someone, repeatedly, even though they did not see any gun? The problem rests on equating two different kinds of beliefs: those you arrive at through deductive reasoning, and those you arrive at through inductive reasoning. One is usually based on actual facts, the other is usually based on one’s imagination. (See explanation here.)

Deductive reasoning starts with the more general and works toward the more specific to reach a conclusion. Inductive reasoning works the other way around. From the website linked above:
Deductive reasoning works from the more general to the more specific. Sometimes this is informally called a “top-down” approach. We might begin with thinking up a theory about our topic of interest. We then narrow that down into more specific hypotheses that we can test. We narrow down even further when we collect observations to address the hypotheses. This ultimately leads us to be able to test the hypotheses with specific data — a confirmation (or not) of our original theories.

Inductive reasoning works the other way, moving from specific observations to broader generalizations and theories. Informally, we sometimes call this a “bottom up” approach (please note that it’s “bottom up” and not “bottoms up” which is the kind of thing the bartender says to customers when he’s trying to close for the night!). In inductive reasoning, we begin with specific observations and measures, begin to detect patterns and regularities, formulate some tentative hypotheses that we can explore, and finally end up developing some general conclusions or theories.

Note: I did not add the “bottoms up” joke.

Another way to look at it is Deductive Reasoning is a form of reasoning by which each conclusion follows from the previous one; an argument is built by conclusions that progress towards a final statement. And Inductive Reasoning is a form of reasoning in which a conclusion is reached based on a pattern present in numerous observations.

So which is happening when a police officer decides that he is justified in using deadly force against a suspect. (And note that I say the word “suspect”, not “criminal”. Furthermore, in all of these hypothetical cases, I am talking about a situation where a police officer responds to a call and sees whatever it is he sees. We’re not talking about tracking down known, escaped convicts. We’re talking about police officers encountering people they’ve never met before and killing them.) If his reasoning is Deductive, then he has observed an actual danger; but if his reasoning is Inductive, then he is extrapolating the danger from visual clues similar to situations in which the police officer turned out to be in danger. In one case, there is a real danger that actually exists. In the other, the police officer has imagined that he is in danger because it looks like it, not because the danger actually exists.

Yet in both situations, the police officer is permitted to say, “I thought my life was in danger,” and it will be considered a “justifiable homicide”. I do agree that there are times when deadly force is absolutely necessary by police officers, and while I find it distasteful, I do not object when the public safety demands it. But when it is quite clear that the only danger was in the police officer’s mind, then how can the use of deadly force, sometimes overwhelming deadly force, be considered “justifiable”? Are we suggesting that a police officer is allowed to try someone, convict him, sentence him to death, and carry out the execution, all based on what was going on entirely within his own mind? Because that is what has happened when the police gun down an unarmed person, one who might have been reaching for some ID, instead of a gun that never materialized. And what if the crime for which you might be a suspect is not one that carries the death penalty? Are the police supposed to still be allowed to kill you for it?

I talked in a previous post about when deadly force is justified, and I feel it applies to the police as well. Deadly force is justified as long as the threat to life or limb is present. Once the threat to life or limb is eliminated, the justification for deadly force evaporates with it. But the threat must be real, not entirely imaginary, as it was in the case of Sean Bell. He had no gun, and he was not an actual danger to the police. Why then, were they allowed to kill him in cold blood? Because they were afraid? Afraid of something that wasn’t happening? What’s next? Do we allow a cop to say, “He looked like he was thinking of harming me,” and get away with killing someone? Because, I’ve got to tell you, I think that is precisely what happens in cases like this. And once a person is shot dead by the police, he can never give his side of the story. We are left with the word of the person who killed him that it was the dead man’s intent to do harm.

And this is allowed.

The Supremes Blow It Again

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 1:02 am

The Supreme Court recently ruled that execution by lethal injection does not constitute “cruel and unusual punishment”. (Side note, would it not have been “unusual” the first time it was done and, to the uninitiated, a tad “cruel”, too?). Oddly enough, while they felt that Kentucky’s Strap-Right-Up-Get-Yer-Three-Shot-Monte Lethal Injection system of capital punishment was constitutional, “a majority could not agree on the proper standard with which to judge execution practices.” But whatever that standard was, they felt Kentucky had met it.

Before continuing, I’ll cut to the chase and state up front that I oppose the use of capital punishment for reasons on which I shall elaborate later. And, yes, I do agree that the Constitution’s specific mention of terms such as “capital offense” clearly and undeniably proves (yes, “proves”) that the Framers found no problem with the use of capital punishment per se. So, no, it is not, in and of itself, unconstitutional. I shall stipulate all of that up front, so there is no need to rehash any of it. Capital punishment is, in and of itself, constitutional. (There, I said it and I’m mad.)

What I feel is unconstitutional is the way in which the sentence has been administered, and upon whom, throughout our justice system. Let’s face facts, white people out there (and you know who you are), if a black man and a white man are convicted of the same capital offense, the black man is statistically far more likely to get the death penalty than the white man, even if all the circumstances and justifications for it are the same in both cases. You know it because it is a fact. In what way, then, is this administration of capital punishment “equal treatment under the law”?

For those who don’t know, when lethal injection is used to terminate someone’s life as punishment for committing a crime, they give the condemned an injection to erase any pain he may feel from what is about to happen (which I’ll skip). Trust me when I say that you would not want to feel what’s about to happen. The thing is, it sometimes doesn’t deaden the pain and/or senses enough, or even at all in some cases, and the condemned not only knows what’s going on, he feels it. Every excruciating moment of it. It turns out that rather than being a humane way to execute someone, it becomes a horror for anyone who experiences it, and probably even witnesses it.

I’m truly sorry to have gone all through that, even omitting what I did, but it all begs the question: What if it happens a lot, even though it isn’t supposed to at all? How many prisoners have to be executed in such a horrible way before the Supremes will decide that maybe it is just a little too cruel? And it’s not like they can predict when this will happen, so it all becomes a game of chance and a case of having to take the executioner’s word that he didn’t mean to screw it up so badly. Sure, and we’re supposed to believe that every single time? Suppose the guy who has to carry out the execution has a particular hatred for the kind of people who committed the crime for which this condemned person was convicted? (I say it that way because, believe it or not, sometimes the guy is innocent. Please visit and learn more about The Innocence Project.) What if decides that he’ll “accidentally” botch this one? If he plays it cool and can keep his mouth shut, he could get away with it, and people will just say that this was one of those regretable times that the execution went badly. But it won’t stop them from doing it again, will it? Unlikely. From the article, “Just hours after yesterday’s decision was announced, Virginia Gov. Timothy M. Kaine (D) lifted the hold he had placed on capital punishment.”

And why do we continue to execute people for committing crimes in this country? It’s not like the fact that we keep doing it is stopping more people from committing those same kinds of crimes. Capital offenses continue to be committed. The purpose of there being laws prohibiting things is to deter people from doing them. Some are more serious than others, of course, and require stronger deterrents. If you knew that, at most, it would cost you a $100 fine to punch someone in the face, and no risk of jail time ever for doing so, don’t you think you might start saving up your money for some “payback nights”? So clearly you want the punishment for punching people in the face to be more severe, if not the first time, then for repeat offenses. Even multiplying the previous fines by ten. That would put a stop to that nonsense. But when monetary fines alone will not deter someone, you have to start talking serious stuff. Incarceration? Not yet. First we might decide to make them spend some time doing something useful and good for the community, like picking up trash along the highway for a few weekends, talking to high school seniors about why it’s stupid to do whatever you did because it not only cost you a lot of money but you had to go around doing what you’re doing which is telling kids to not be like you, or driving some elderly folks across state lines to a casino. Okay, they probably wouldn’t let them do that last one, but you get the idea. If that doesn’t work, a trip to the Big House is in order, right?

Maybe not the real big one, but a prison none-the-less. Okay, I could go on-and-on with this, as if I were getting paid by the word, which I am not. I’m not getting paid by the word, am I? I am? Wow. That’s great. Paid by the word, eh? Wow. Wow. Never thought I’d land a sweet, sweet, any number of “sweets” I feel like here, deal like that. No sir ree. Does “ree” count as a word? It does? Sweet. Wow. Okay, I’m pretty sure I’m digressing here. My apologies. Eventually you get to the level of crime that is so heinous and reprehensible that people actually consider putting the person to death. That’s got to be pretty serious. But I ask you, what does it ultimately prove? That we, as a society, are better than those blood-thirsty murderers out there? I don’t understand how it does that. Someone will have to explain that one to me.

I would say that, hands down, the single biggest argument I hear from people who enjoy having the death penalty used (yes, that’s an odd way to characterize them, but it is totally accurate) fo these horrendous crimes (the level of horror varying from jurisdiction-to-jurisdiction) is that they don’t want their tax money to be spent keeping this guy behind bars for the rest of his life. Well, guess what? You people are fools!

Virtually every convicted person sentenced to death is entitled to an automatic appeals process that, in the end, usually costs the taxpayers about $2,000,000 (maybe more since I last heard that figure.) Yet they say it costs about $50,000 per year to house a prisoner (figures from the same year). Well, that two million bucks would pay for forty years behind bars, and most prisoners do not survive forty years behind bars. So, if you sentence him to death, it will cost you more money!

You see, the guy gets his two million dollars worth of appeals just because he’s been sentenced to death. Let’s say the appeals process is relatively fast (for a capital case), and it takes another five years to get resolved one way or the other. (Yes, it usually takes longer, but that just strengthens my point.) Not only are the taxpayers already out two million bucks, they’re also out the quarter million more spent keeping him locked up for those five years. If he loses and is executed right away, it will have cost the taxpeyers $450,000 per year to house that one inmate. If he manages to get his sentence commuted and lives another twenty years in jail (being generous), it will have cost the taxpayers a total of $3,250,000 to house him for 25 years. An average of $130,000 per year. Still pretty pricey for something you could get much cheaper. And if he hits the jackpot and wins his freedom (rare), the taxpayers are out more than two million bucks, and, quite possibly in this one case, the guy who really did it is out running around free. And if they finally catch his ass, the taxpayers will be out another two million-plus bucks once he’s convicted and sentenced to death. Sorry, but if it’s money you’re concerned about, the last thing you want to do is sentence someone to death.

Remember, these are automatic appeals we’re talking about. These are appeals that the convicted might not necessarily be entitled to if he weren’t given a death sentence. He might not get all those appeals if he were sentenced to life in prison without possibility of parole. And he would still probably not live forty years in jail, and the taxpayers will have paid less money, and gotten what they truly needed (forget what they wanted - bloody revenge): a dangerous person removed from society and locked away where he can’t hurt decent people any more.

Some people favor the death penalty because they feel that if you take someone’s life, then yours should be taken in return. Okay, but what about the guy who has to take the life of the guy who took someone else’s life? Does he have to die then, too? Why not? Are there times when it’s okay to take someone’s life? Turns out there is, but this isn’t one of them.

It is acceptable to use deadly force to protect your life or the lives of those for whose safety you are reponsible, or to protect all of you from serious physical harm. Beyond that, you are reaching for excuses to kill people. Once the person trying to kill or harm you (or your protectees) is no longer a danger to you, the right to use deadly fiorce ceases. You can’t kill someone for screaming at you, because screaming at you won’t put your life in mortal danger. You can’t kill someone who is down on the ground, badly wounded, and not in danger of going anywhere or hurting anyone, no matter what he did to you two seconds before. You have no reason to. Why should it be okay? If your first attempt at deadly force was unsuccessful in that it did not kill him, that does not justify a secnd attempt to “finish the job”. The level of violence you are permitted to commit in defense of yourself or your protectees is that which is sufficient to remove the active threat. Once the threat of danger is gone, the justification for using deadly force evaporates.

So, once you have the criminal safely locked away, how is he a continued threat to anyone? Prisons have standards and rules and procedures to ensure that the risk to the people guarding the prisoners is minimized. Minimized, but not eliminated. Though I have no statistics to back this belief up, my guess is that the vast majority os incidents where dangerous criminals somehow broke loose and caused further mayhem happened because someone did not properly follow procedures. This always seems evident once the “post-incident review” is completed. So, I think we can agree that an incarcerated prisoner is not expected to be hurting anyone. Why, then, would it still be necessary to use deadly force against this guy? He’s locked up, most likely chained up, watched day and night, his movements are controlled, so how is a danger to anyone? He’s not any more, is it? If he ever gets out, that’s a different story, but we’re not talking about anyone who gets out or “might get out, we’re talking about an incarcerated person, waiting on Death Row. How is he doing anything that warrants taking his life any more?

Then there’s the religious aspect of it. I should point out to those who don’t know me that I am atheist. I do not believe that God exists. That’s a subject for another time. Suffice to say that I realize the vast majority of you do. And, statistically, most of you practice some form of Judeo-Christian worship. That’s nice. While I profess no expertise on the subject, I thought that God wants everyone to be nice to one another. I thought that The Golden Rule, the one Rule which should be applied above all others was, in one form or another, “Treat Other People The Way You Would Want Them To Treat You.” And an absolutely fine moral code it is. It happens to be the one I use, too. I hope it doesn’t surprise you that an atheist could live by The Golden Rule just like a Christian. The main difference is, I don’t live a life in fear of going to Hell for any length of time. But I do have a conscience, and it does bother me when I do bad things. And I feel bad when I treat people in ways I wouldn’t want to be treated. So I try my best not to do it. I hate losing sleep, but I hate the awful feeling of guilt I have even more. So I try to be nice to people. But I’m not perfect. I certainly don’t go arpund killing people, because I would not want someone to come around killing me. You can apply this analogy to most of the terrible things one could do to another.

But isn’t God the only one who is supposed to decide who lives and who dies? Are we supposed to believe that judges and juries are divinely inspired to render sentences and the verdicts they do? I sure hope not, because that sounds dangerously close to violating the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. (More than ten thousand weeks on the Best Seller List.) What right can we as mere mortals claim to play God and decide that another human’s life should be ended? And, it has to be asked, which God are we trying to please here? Sorry, but trying to apply some kind of religious justification for using capital punishment ends up running into constitutional issues, if religious reasons are why capital punishment is being applied. So that can’t work.

At this point, we are left with nothing but Revenge. Some think of it as Justice, some call it Retribution, some call it Just Desserts. To me, at this point you just want the satisfaction of seeing another human being die. I mean, the guy is safely secure and can’t do it again. You can’t say he’s dangerous when you’re going to be wheeling him, strapped down nice and tightly. Immobile. At this point, it is you who are killing a defenseless person. To wish this to continue at this point cannot be explained as anything but Revenge. And Revenge is not Justice. Justice is impartial. Justice is blind. Justice is sober and unemotional. Justice is Fair.

Someone supposedly said (in another language), “What you do to the least of you, you do to me.” There is no moral justification for ending the life of someone is who is not trying to hurt anyone any more. When you consider that Justice may be all those things but it is sometimes imperfect, then how can you correct the horrible mistake of executing the wrong person for a crime? What kind of message does this send to everyone else? Don’t kill someone, or we’ll kill someone else? I don’t think that has much deterrent value, now does it? I mean, other than deterring me from wanting to live in such a country. And how would you feel if you were the one about to be wrongly executed? Would you still believe in America at that point? Could you still believe that you, for the next short while at least, live in “the greatest nation on Earth” if you were about to be put to death for something you did not do? And would you have any right to condemn another nation for the fact or manner in which it executes people? I hardly think so.

The use of capital punishment must end if we are to continue to grow as a species. There is no future for us if we continue to justify putting each other to death. “Treat Other People The Way You Would Want Them To Treat You.” Capital punishment violates The Golden Rule.

April 24, 2008

Driving Me Crazy - The Pokey and The Gapper

Filed under: Driving Me Crazy — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am
I have to talk about these two together, because in combination, they often create one of the biggest headaches commuters face each and every morning - the Complete Stop For No Apparent Reason. “The Pokey” is, as you may have guessed, a slowpoke. Now, I would cringe at the accusation that I am a “Leadfoot” (or “Zippy”, as I’ll talk about at a later date), but I do like to drive fast. Safely, yes, for I do not believe in that bullshit that “speed kills”, but a little fast. (Speed doesn’t kill, bad driving does. Race car drivers survive fast driving all the time.) I feel that the 55 MPH Speed Limit for interstate highways, which were built when the national speed limit was 75 MPH, is too oppressive. I even think that 65 MPH is too low, but at least it’s a lot closer to the speed at which I like to drive. I’m not going to set myself up for a conviction for speeding by saying anything more specific than that. [Now, for purposes of this post, unless I specifically say otherwise, I am talking about driving in ideal conditions - the roads are dry, there is no precipitation, and it is light enough outside to see. In other words, no excuses. None of this "Well, what if it's raining or snowing out? Shouldn't you drive slower and leave a gap in front of you then?" In that case, yes, you would, but we're not talking about that here. Got it? Good.] But the Pokey is the guy who does things like drive 55 MPH in the left-hand lane of a highway on which you are allowed to do 65 MPH. (It’s even worse when he’s a Pacer, too.) I especially hate the assholes who drive at the Universal Speed Limit of 45 MPH because they’re too dumb to read the speed limit signs and know that they can go faster. I know they’re deliberately driving at 45 because they don’t know they can go faster because there was a stretch of road near my home on which the speed limit was a rarely-posted 55 MPH. People would drive along at 45 MPH until they reached the county line where a 45-MPH Speed Limit is posted, and they would speed up to 50-54 MPH. If they were willing to speed up to 5-9 miles over the speed limit at that point, then what did they think the speed limit was when they were tooling along at only 45? They must have thought it was lower, or they would have sped up. Maybe they’re just too afraid to drive. My feeling is that if you’re too afraid to drive, then don’t. Or do it when there’s no one around, like three in the morning or during a blizzard. Then you won’t bother me.

And then there’s the Gapper. Poor Misunderstood Gapper. Nobody appreciates the good he thinks he’s trying to do. And with good reason. He’s only making things worse. “The Gapper” is the name I give to the guy who likes to keep and maintain at all costs an unnecessarily large gap between himself and the car in front of him. I have no problem with the idea of leaving a little distance between you and the guy in front of you, but it doesn’t have to be enough distance to play football in. About two or three car lengths is reasonable enough if you’re the type who pays attention to what’s going on around him. If you think the countryside or the person talking next to you is more interesting than the guy hitting his brakes in front of you, then maybe you should leave yourself a little more room than that. The point is, leave a gap that you can use to slow down safely within, but don’t maintain that distance even when you do come to a complete stop! When I see the guy ahead of me leaving a huge gap in front of him, I’m going to assume that as the cars in front of him slow down, he will utilize that distance to gradually slow down, as opposed to suddenly slamming on the brakes and keeping a good hundred and fifty feet of empty space in front of him. This, in turn, causes me to have to brake suddenly because I’m slowing myself down to come to a stop at a point further up the road. I’m not expecting that the Gapper is only going to use half of all that beautiful space to stop safely. Where the Gapper does more harm than he thinks is when, after coming to a complete stop because of a Pokey way up ahead, he decides to leave a gap in front of him when traffic starts moving again. He might think that traffic will just start moving along at the same 30 or 40 MPH that he’s planning on doing, and that everyone will be able to just move along, but at a slower pace and without having to come to a stop. He is not helping at all. In fact, he is going to cause the exact same thing to happen somewhere behind him in that lane. Here’s why.

Let’s imagine a thought experiment. You can try to actually do this if you think the results will be different than predicted, but I think you’ll agree with what I’m about to propose. Let’s imagine that you have a large jar, but it doesn’t have to be bigger than a gallon, and would probably be better if it were smaller. Then get a funnel with an opening on the bottom that you would be able to plug something in to make it allow less fluid to flow through. Maybe a piece of cork cut to fill half the hole. Lastly, you will need a source of water to pour into the funnel, like a bucket or a garden hose, but something you can control somehow.

Now, if you place the funnel in the mouth of the jar and begin pouring water into it, you will find that the funnel will fill up to a certain point where there is a kind of equilibrium. The water flows down into the jar through the funnel at about the same rate the water gets poured into it. It make back up into the funnel a bit, but it would still flow out at about the same rate that it flows in. Imagine what happens now if you were to plug up the funnel with the cork and begin pouring water into it at the same rate as you did before. Obviously, the flow out the bottom would not be the same as it was before, and the water would begin to back up into the funnel faster than it did before. In fact, depending on how clogged up the hole is, it might even be necessary to stop pouring water into the funnel in order to avoid spilling it onto the counter. Why does this happen? Simply put, more water is flowing in to the funnel than is able to get past the cork and flow into the jar. Does that make sense?

Well, instead of a jar we have an interstate highway (like I-684, the one near my home.) And instead of water, we have cars. And instead of a cork in the funnel, we have one guy going slower than everyone else around him. He may be a Pokey at the head of the line, but he may also be a Gapper. Because the line of cars flowing onto the highway behind him in that lane is going faster than he is, the traffic starts to bunch up, not unlike the water in the funnel when the bottom of it gets corked. Eventually that traffic has to slow down and not pour in so fast. It may even have to come to a complete stop. This is the reason, believe it or not, why you sometimes come to a complete stop on the highway without any visible reason for needing to do so. It’s because someone up ahead of you is going slower than you and most of the people behind you want to go. As I said, it may be a Pokey at the front of the line, but it could also be a Gapper somewhere in the middle. Remember that at the time the Gapper had to come to a stop, there were still cars coming onto the highway, many miles behind him, who were picking up speed and traveling along at 65-75 MPH. They may not even see the backup up ahead but, like the water that continues to pour into the plugged funnel, they’re going to just keep on coming. Sooner or later they’re going to come up on the guy who’s gapping and going at a slower pace, no less. They will have to start to slow down and a bunch up will occur behind them. So instead of “smoothing things out” by leaving a large gap, he’s just causing the same thing to happen behind him. He has become the second cork in the funnel. And that’s why I don’t like Pokeys and Gappers. As far as I’m concerned, they can go cork themselves.

April 22, 2008

How The Clintons Have Framed The Race

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 11:44 pm

Here in Washington, D.C., the home office of political self-promotion…prevailing Conventional Wisdom has now moved beyond popular consensus over the suddenly “inevitable” presidential nomination of New York senator and Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton to pretentious speculation about her choice of a vice presidential running mate (either Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland or former Marine Corps Commandant Gen. James Jones).

We’ll get to when that was written a little later. My point is that there was a time when Sen Hillary Rodham Clinton was hands-down going to be the first woman nominated from a major political party to be President of the United States of America. Now, to hear her campaign talk about it, they are arguing that you should still pick her as the nominee because Senator Obama hasn’t knocked her out yet! What the f^&%? She was supposed to be the “inevitable” candidate, and now she’s squeaking by in Pennsylvania with, as I write this, a single-digit victory (possibly a bare two-digit victory, it’s not final yet). Most political pundits agreed seven weeks ago that she needed to win with two-thirds of the remaining states if she wanted to win eneough pledged delegates to win the nomination. Single-digits doesn’t cut it. This is nothing but pure bullshit spin, designed to convince the superdelegates to ignore the will of the people and give her all of their votes to put her over the top.

But what they fail to point out is that, as of this moment, she is still losing the primary race for her party’s nomination. She is not winning by the large margin an “inevitable” candidate would be expected to win by. She is losing, and yet she still thinks that she should be her party’s nominee? By what insane reasoning does she come to this conclusion?

Notice how the Clintons have re-framed the entire race. Before, she was the candidate to beat, the “inevitable” one. Now, they are arguing that even though she is losing, she hasn’t been knocked out yet. So you should still go with her. She’s losing, but she hasn’t lost yet. And somehow this means that she can be a winner? I don’t get it.

To further complicate matters, they keep bringing up comparisons between her victories in the primaries, against other Democratic opponents, with most of the races being decided by Democrats (though I can’t understand for the life of me the purpose of Open Primaries - if you want to help decide one party’s nominee, then join the fucking party!), to how well she would do in a general election against the Republican nominee. That is a pure Apples & Oranges comparison. There is no rationale available that could extract any meaning between how people choosing one party’s nominee would vote in the general election if the other nominee won. Besides, Both Senator Clinton and Senator Obama received more votes than many of the republicans, as far as I can recall. So it sounds like either one would win against Senator McCain. So why keep fighting, Senator Clinton? You are going to lose. Why prolong the “inevitable”?

Oh, and that quote above? It was from a column written by Mark Shields, and published Saturday, October 6, 2007. How insightful. (snort)

So Man

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

All cartoons are posted with the artists’ express permission to Pick Wayne’s Brain.
Jeff Danziger
, Syndicated Political Cartoonist
When ABC News’ Martha Raddatz said to President of Vice Dick Cheney that two-thirds of Americans say the war in Iraq is not worth fighting, he answered with an astonishing amount of callousness. From the official White House website:

Q Let me go back to the Americans. Two-thirds of Americans say it’s not worth fighting, and they’re looking at the value gain versus the cost in American lives, certainly, and Iraqi lives.

THE VICE PRESIDENT: So?

Q So — you don’t care what the American people think?

THE VICE PRESIDENT: No, I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls. Think about what would have happened if Abraham Lincoln had paid attention to polls, if they had had polls during the Civil War. He never would have succeeded if he hadn’t had a clear objective, a vision for where he wanted to go, and he was willing to withstand the slings and arrows of the political wars in order to get there. And this President has been very courageous, very consistent, very determined to continue down the course we were on and to achieve our objective. And that’s victory in Iraq, that’s the establishment of a democracy where there’s never been a democracy, it’s the establishment of a regime that respects the rights and liberties of their people, as an ally for the United States in the war against terror, and as a positive force for change in the Middle East. That’s a huge accomplishment.

“So?”, Mr. Cheney? “So”? Is that how you feel about your role in the government of this country? That what the people you serve want of you is of no consequence? And on what exactly, sir, do you base this perogative that you claim? Because you, and you alone, know what’s best for this country? Has it ever occurred to you that you might have been wrong all these years? We all know that the war was about controlling the flow of oil and, therefore, its price. You are happy that the price is so high, because it helps make your friends (whatever countries they may live in) just that much wealthier. The fact is, Mr. Cheney, you just don’t give a damn about the American people, do you?

“So” Man
Original Words & Music “Soul Man” by Isaac Hayes, David Porter, 1967
Additional Lyrics Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Going hunting from a dusty road
Good lawyer, he got a faceload
And when he got it, his head sunk in.
Don’t worry, ‘cause I’m drunken.

I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man
I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man

Got where I am the hard way
And I keep it secret, each and every day
My powers, there’s more you bet
‘Cause you ain’t seen nothing yet

I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man
I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man

I was bought out back on Wall Street
I learned how to lie before I could eat
I investigated this old heart
When I stop caring, I just can’t start

I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man
I’m a “So” man, I’m a “So” man

Just grab the dope and he’ll clue you in
Watch his back and be his only oil man
Yeah, yeah

I’m talking about a “So” man, “So” man
{Ad lib to fade}

April 20, 2008

McCain

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am
If you’ve been paying close attention to the news, you might have learned that John McCain has a bit of an honesty problem. He just flat out tells untruths, also known as lies. There have been several articles recently about his connection with a lobbyist, and whether or not he went too far in helping her client. But John McCain gets a pass from the media when his integrity should be questioned at every turn. Do you really know where he stands on anything? Besides trying to give us a third Bush term, which he seems to think the American people want. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this song parody about McCain’s lies. It’s to the tune of Eric Clapton’s immortal “Cocaine”.

McCain
Original words and music by J.J. Cale
Additional lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

If you wanna have clout
You’ve gotta call him out
McCain
If you wanna see frowns
See frowns all around
McCain

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

When he gets to lose
He’s gonna have them blues
McCAIN
When his campaign’s done
He’s gonna wanna lie on
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

When his campaign’s done
He’s gonna wanna lie on
McCAIN
He forgets the facts
He can’t take it back
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

He’s all lies
He’s all lies
He’s all lies
McCAIN

April 19, 2008

Young Voters Shun Third parties - More Politics As Usual

Filed under: Commentary — Tags: — Wayne A. Schneider @ 9:20 pm

According to a story by the AP’s John Riley (via Raw Story), young voters today are shunning third parties in favor of the traditional two major political parties. One 21-year-old interviewed considered himself “among those who see third-party candidates as spoilers, a view that, coupled with a renewed excitement for major party candidates, is draining key support from third parties in 2008.” And since third-party condidates often get their support from young voters, this year the pickings from the two major parties seemed too good to pass up.

Koch said another reason support for third-party candidates is waning is the dynamics of this year’s presidential race. Strong support for the Democratic candidates, especially Obama, has energized young and first-time voters to turn out in primaries and caucuses.

In addition, there are no particularly strong third-party candidates who have distinguished themselves from the major party candidates this year, Koch said. The possible candidacies of Ralph Nader, former Republican congressman Bob Barr of Georgia and former Democratic congresswoman Cynthia McKinney of Georgia have the potential to grab some support from young voters, he said, but probably will not.

As a result of this, the next generation of young voters will help perpetuate the main problem with our two-party system of politics - the two major political parties, and the winner-take-all system of electoral politics that favors it. If you read your US Constitution carefully, you will find that nowhere does it mention political parties. Nor does it specify that there be two and only two “leaders” in each House. By all rights, Sen Bernie Sanders (Soc-VT) should be considered the Socialist Party Leader in the US Senate. It’s the Senate Rules that prevent him from claiming that title. (Note: He is the only Socialist Party member in Congress, but that would still make him the leader.) And the reason it is that way is because the two major parties want it that way. They have convinced Americans that in life, there are always only two choices - us or them. One of us is right, and one of us is wrong. You are not to be given a third choice, which might take a little bit from this guy’s idea and combine it with a little bit if that guy’s idea. You either accept one side’s view whole-heartedly or the other guy’s view. This is no way to govern.

Oh, I understand why they do it. They want to be able to predict and control the outcome as much as possible. The party in power wants to make sure that anything put to the floor for a vote (and as the “majority Party”, they decide which bills come up for a vote and the rules under which they will be “debated” (meaning how many amendments will “be in order” and how much time will be allowed for each vote, and whether or not something will be offered up as a unanimous consent agreement, in which no votes are recorded), will come out the way they want it to. And because “winning” is more important than “governing”, they will disregard the will and the best interests of the People in favor of maintaining their hold on power. And the more we keep sending the same ones back to Congress, the more they keep doing it.

It’s funny, polls will often show that a majority of Americans are dissatisfied withe job that Congress is doing, yet Congressmen get re-elected well over 95% of the time. People hate what Conogress is doing, but seem to hold their own representation blameless. Why is that? Because their Senator or Representative got money to pave the roads? Big deal! They deliberately put off doing that for several years for the express purpose of having somethign tangible and concrete (no pun intended) for the voters to see when re-election time comes around. They don’t do it because it needs to be done and probably should have been done years ago. They do it because it will make you vote for them. Two or six years later, they’ll find some other responsibility that they neglected and pour money into that, again, not because it’s the right thing to do and should have been done long before, but because it will get you to vote for them. Again and again. We hate the way Washington works, but we keep sending back the same people who are doing it. Why? because we are always being told that they are the only two choices we have. If we don’t vote for the Democrat, we must vote for the Republican. Tell me, honestly. Aren’t you just the least bit tired of always having to choose between the lesser of two evils?

There are other choices, People. Go out and look for who’s filed to run for Congress. Find out what makes them different from the two major parties. If they think the problem is the two major parties, then that’s your candidate. Because if this person is okay with the way the Democrats and Republicans have been running Congress, then this person doesn’t understand the problem. To change the way Congress works, you have to change the people who get sent there.

April 18, 2008

Flag Pin

Filed under: Parody — Tags: , , , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 10:54 pm
Enough with the nonsense about who does and who doesn’t wear a flag pin! Is that what it takes to prove you love your country? A flag pin? You mean it’s come to this? (Enjoy rockin’ to Aerosmith’s “Rag Doll”, a real cool tune and a slightly racy video.)

Flag Pin
Original Words and Music, “Rag Doll”, by Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Jim Vallance, and Holly Knight, 1987
Additional Lyrics by Wayne A. Schneider, 2008

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

I’m feeling like a flag boy
Mm just like a flag boy
I’m looking at a flag pin
Like talkin’ to an old friend
Some guy’s talkin’ real loud
Talkin’ all about it says, “Proud”
Try to tell us it’s a big thing
A new version we could all sing
Real easy for the good guys
Keep wearing it, you look wise
Looks real nifty, go and get me fifty
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Yes I’m groovin’
‘Cause I’m provin’
I’m patriotic big time
Can’t hit me with a cheap slime
Yes I’m braggin’
‘Bout my flag pin
Looks real nifty, go and get me fifty
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it, buddy won’t you don it,
buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Yes I’m groovin’
‘Cause I’m provin’
I’m patriotic big time
Gone crazy on the moon shine
Yes I’m braggin’
‘Bout my flag pin
Nice and shiny, wear it on my hiney
Cover ev’ry spot until I’m goin’ down in history

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Flag Pin, wear it on your clothing
Spot check, ev’rybody’s noting
It’s so fine, you’ll never see me leave it by the back door
Man
Got mine, wear it nice and easy
Want proof, come on up and see me
Flag pin, buddy won’t you don it like you done before

Joke Time: Future Handicapping

Filed under: Joke Time — Tags: , — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disneyland.”

George said, “No problem. I’ll take you there on Air Force One”.

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan’s.”

George said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!”

The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!”

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, “But you don’t look like you are handicapped.”

The kid says, “I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!”

April 17, 2008

Driving Me Crazy - This Isn’t Any Signal

Filed under: Driving Me Crazy — Wayne A. Schneider @ 4:00 am

“This isn’t any signal. It’s a direct statement. If it’s a signal, fine.” - George H. W. Bush, as reported in New York Times, Mar 10, 1980, p B10

On most cars that I have been in, there is a stick coming out of the left-hand side of your car’s steering column which I’m certain is gathering dust in some people’s cars. It’s the lever that operates the turn signals, otherwise more cleverly - and properly - known as “directional indicators”, on account of they’re for indicating which direction you intend to take your car next. And that’s the whole key right there. Until you use your turn signals (I’ll use turn signals if it makes everyone happier, until I have a point to make), people are going to expect that you’re going to continue what you’re doing, especially if what you’re doing is just driving along at a steady speed in the lane you’re currently in. [And unless otherwise indicated, and as will be the usual standard for this series, it is assumed that the roads are clear and dry and the weather conditions are favorable for driving. So none of these, "What if it's raining?" retorts. We'll cover that another time.]

And that brings us to a good tip about using turn signals. There’s a right way to indicate to the driver behind you (let’s call him “Me”) that you’re about to turn into your driveway, and there’s the way too many people who live near me do it. The trick is to remember what the purpose of the turn is signal is. (I’ll give you hint: It has to do with “indicating” a “direction”.) Here comes the next rule:

Wayne’s Driving Rule #2
The proper sequence for making a turn off the main road is:

1. Engage the turn signal (the correct turn signal) about ten to fifteen seconds before you make the turn, but at least five seconds before you hit the brakes.

2. After a pause of about five seconds, begin applying the brakes.

3. Then slow down sufficiently (it’s okay if you have to come to a complete stop because of those discourteous people having the audacity to be coming from the opposite direction) to safely make the turn without turning it into the slowest possible maneuver ever made by man and machine.

You see, it really doesn’t do anybody any good if you wait until you’ve already hit the brakes and started turning your wheel to flip on the turn signal telling Me (the driver behind you) that you’re about to make a turn, when the fact that you are in the process of making that turn already gave it away. How much help do you think flipping on the signal last is going to do?

And by all means, do use that signal if you’re doing anything that would come across as “unexpected” to the non-psychic behind you. (Me, again.) That includes pulling over to the side of the road. That would be one of those excellent occasions where some way of telling the guy behind you (Me) that he can swing around you and get on with his life would be appreciated. It’s just like you’re turning into a driveway, except you’re not actually turning into a driveway. But you still have to put on the signal (I’m guessing it’s going to be to the right), then put on the brakes, then slide off to the side of the road, preferably far enough off so that your car won’t be sticking out into the lane.

But you know, turn signals aren’t just for indicating a complete change in direction (such as perpendicular to the one you were going). They’re also good for letting the cars around you driving at speeds in excess of 65 MPH (and the legal speed limit) that you’re considering cutting over i